The first day of the rest of my life...

Good first steps mate. The fact your partner knows is huge, should make things a lot more transparent, without the need to hide things from them. Youre on your road to recovery, stay disciplined and enjoy.

Day 2 (tried to post this yesterday but it didn't work)

i went to the doctor today to get anti-depressants and tell her about my gambling addiction. She's told me that I'm taking all the right steps to recover and come back to see her in 3 weeks to see how the gambling urges are going.

Feeling positive.

Day 6.

Haven't been on here for a few days. Don't worry, I haven't relapsed. Although some would say I've not had the opportunity because I've had no money.

I've had a difficult weekend, my partner is finding it increasingly difficult to stay supportive and she's really been letting out everything she must have wanted to say when she first found out. We had a blazing (alcohol fuelled) row on saturday night where we both probably said things we regret. I know she could have left me as soon as she found out but has decided to stay and I'm incredibly grateful for that and appreciate all the support she has given me so far. But I can't help feeling that she's taking her anger out on me for every little thing she can.

I told my Dad on saturday night about my gambling, he knew that I was gambling before but thought I'd stopped, like all the family I suppose. He was disappointed with me and reiterated that I need to stop this now, not for me, but for my family. I've kept it from everybody and I just wish I'd told somebody sooner.

Here's to another day of not gambling and I'll update again tomorrow.

Hi

well done on getting through day6. You are right- you can beat this. You have asked for help and that is brilliant, there are a lot of good people who want to help and will not judge. Its difficult for our partners they want to help and support but their life has been affected by our actions so there is anger, frustration and lots of other emotions too. Its better to get these feelings out in the open though, just as your partner has done. Hang on in there, the road might be rocky, but it will be worth the climb.

take care, one day at a time.

Stu

Hi, clintonday87 welcome to recovery 🙂

Just read that your partner is struggling to come to terms with this...Is she aware that Gamcare provide a service for partners too? Some of the friends & family threads are so upsetting, they didn't do this to us, we did it & we owe it to them as much as ourselves to stay in recovery.

You are right, you absolutely can do this! Get that Time-Money-Location triangle broken, it's embarrassing handing over financial control but I don't think you'll have any regrets!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Day 7.

Yesterday was another step in the right direction, spoke to a Gamcare online counsellor and she's referring me to a Counsellor in my local area. I've been very on edge the last couple of days with an impending sense of doom, but I can only think this is due to my anti-depressants balancing out. I'm struggling to concentrate on anything.

I need a new hobby, my life at the moment is pretty much work, home, work, home. After so long of constant ups and downs with gambling, I need to replace that thrill (hopefully not the low points though, glad to see the back of them). Should be able to get my garage sorted out this weekend, then maybe I'll try and use the exercise equipment in there every day. I've been told by someone that they took up running when they quit gambling, apparently the natural high you get is similar and the results are better all round.

Clinton

Fella there was a monster bucket list of things in my own life that through my relentless commitment to feeding addiction became nothing other than pipe dreams.

Recovery will grant you the opportunity to forefill your hearts desire.

Some things that the functional non compulsive gambler's world may view as trivial but for me the vast amount of time I released through a commitment to recovery means by and largely I care a great deal more about everything I do.

The greatest lesson is some times things will not be achieved instantly, a trait of addiction the desire for instant satisfaction.

Rome wasn't built in a day as they say fella.

Recovery is a life choice, through a commitment to abstinence you will ensure that a constant high can be maintained

Best of all without waging a single penny.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well done on coming on here! There will be a big void to fill. i imagine gambling used to fill such a big space.

Have you considered 5 a side football or joining a sports club of some sort. I have just started playing football again and have been watching constant box sets and films. Running is also a great idea, it keeps you busy, gets you fit, and you will get a buzz out of it.

Best of luck

Luke

Day 8.

It feels like I haven't gambled for ages, I'm not having major urges, just every now and then i get a thought in my head like "I wonder what the odds on that are..." and then I kind of argue with myself that it doesn't matter what the odds are, it's not going to be worth it.

Coming on here reminds me of gambling, but in a good way. It reminds me of the bad times. The endless chasing, the breaking even, then losing it all and starting again. The funny thing is, if I add up all the times I've won a substantial amount £100+ if I'd just withdrawn then, I would have done quite well for myself.

But that's the problem, it was all for myself. As much as I like to think that I was trying to win money for my family, I honestly can say hand on heart that with all the money that I've lost gambling I COULD have made a difference for my family. I could have bought my Fiancee nice things, I could have my bought my 2 sons new toys and clothes. I could have bought my Fiancee flowers every day and it still wouldnt have cost as much as my gambling.

I know its an illness, but I honestly never thought it would get like this. I remember when I used to get paid weekly and every week I would spend £10 on gambling...and that was it! £10 a week and it was enjoyable and if I lost then I would think "Oh well, next week I'll put my money on that instead"

I can't even hope to go back to that now, £10 a week is the drug addict equivalent of someone smoking cigarettes, I went through all the stages into full on heroin addict. If I gamble again EVER I will convince myself that it's okay. I'd probably start small at first (cigarettes) but before long I'd be back gambling on everything and anything (heroin).

Although I feel terrible still, it's still too early for me to be looking back and feeling even slightly proud that I've lasted this long without gambling. The way I'm feeling now I'm not sure if I ever will. I could have paid for an all inclusive holiday for all my family at a 5 star resort with the money I've deposited in the last few months. Not too mention all the money that I have won with that and then gambled away again!

Sorry for the long mail. Thanks for reading.

Day 9.

Last night while watching Real Madrid vs Juventus, I found myself saying the usual stuff to myself (I KNEW Ronaldo would score first, if I was gambling I would have bet on that/I KNEW Morata would score, players always score against their former clubs/I KNEW both teams would score) So I'm clearly still having the urges to gamble, because I seem to be thinking I'm missing out on money because I didnt place a bet. I can't wait for this season to be over. Although I have gambled on everything, I do always seem to think that because I know quite a lot about football, that it's sometimes easy to gamble on. But it's really not. There will always be that one result that lets you down.

I'm fed up of watching football with a bet on the game, rather than actually watching the match I find myself willing a certain thing to happen. (Pass to Van Persie, if he scores first I win £x amount!) It's actually quite sad when another player is clean through on goal and I find myself hoping he misses just to win a bet.

9 days clean. Still a long way to go.

Snap. 9 days here also. I went to watch the game last night too, before I would have definitely had a bet on, it gave me some interest. Although sports was never my downfall, it was only ever roullette, I still wouldn't put a football bet on. It was nice to sit and enjoy a game for what it was rather than always looking for some kind of outcome to fall my way. Instead of worrying that you could have won on a particular game, you should be delighted that you haven't bet on the game, as this will ultimately make your life a complete misery again. For every bet you win, you would lose a lot more, it's not really about money anymore, it's about dealing with the fact you have a destructive addiction. Filling the hole left by gambling is hard, it absorbs so much energy and you have invested a great deal of time with it. Sports are a good replacement or running/cycling. Think of the things you used to enjoy before gambling sucked them out of your life, and learn to enjoy these again.

Easy for me to say, and apologies if this sounds a little hypocritical given my own early stages of recovery.

All the best.

Not at all TheMask, I don't feel you're being hypocritical. After all we're all in the same boat, you and I especially seeing as we're at the same stage. Congratulations on your 9 days. Hopefully we'll both be posting simultaneous achievments in the future.

I am happy that I've gone this long. I really honestly know that I won't be able to gamble again even if I wanted to because now my Fiance knows about my addiction, I've given her access to everything. My bank account will no longer be filled with deposits to betting sites. If she saw anything suspicious then it would be over.

Right now, the thought of losing my family is far more important than ever having a bet again. I won't let that happen.

Well done Clinton on your early progress. Like you say still a long way to go. I'm a year free and as much as I'd like to say i'm cured or gambling is done with, that wouldn't be accurate. I've managed to stop for periods of time before only to get sucked back in to this addiction.

The scary part is as bad as the addiction is now it can always get WORSE.

Great work 🙂 & in answer to your question on your other thread about will it get easier...It does but there is still no room for complacency!

I am a bit further into my recovery than you & I find I can now function perfectly harmoniously with Mr Gamble perched on my shoulder! Sometimes it's even preferable to being hit by urges out of the blue!

You are doing great but as you point out, this journey is not just about you...Please make sure your partner/Dad (anyone that is supporting you in fact) knows there is help available through Gamcare if they're feeling lost & confused!

I turned all my finances over & it was a huge burden on my OH who still has not grasped the seriousness of my addiction! There were days @ the start where I considered breaking the trust I was trying to rebuild despite knowing I would get 'caught'...You have to always stay one step ahead of the addiction & have a plan for when the urges strike! My poison was not football but I have watched enough of it supporting the underdogs to make similar wishes that you describe & many people around me @ various games I've been to have KNOWN x/y/z for sure...They can't all be right! All these 'dead certs' have not made you rich in the past, you are missing nothing now & hopefully further down the line you will be able to enjoy the sport for what it is, every corner, every goal, every missed penalty!

Congratulations on your 9 days!

Keep fighting - ODAAT