The first day of the rest of my life...

Day 10.

Talking to my partner last night, she told me that it had been 2 weeks since I've had a bet. I officially haven't gambled since May 1st but I've been on this forum for 10 days.

I'd rather carry on with saying 10 days, it doesn't really matter how long it's been since I had a bet, all that matters is it never happens again.

Keep going mate, I am on day 15 too, as I stopped on May 1st. Life is so much better without gambling so we have to remember that and stayed focused. Good luck, and remember everyday you don't gamble means you are winning

Hi clintonday87,

It seems you’re doing everything possible to abstain from your gambling problem, and also taking note of the words of encouragement from other forum members; well done for that.

I’m also glad that you’ve come clean with your fiancГ© and dad too; at least that burden of living in secret is now over for you.

I do understand that you sometimes find it a bit of a struggle, and you have to battle it out with yourself in order not to respond to the urges. That kind of feelings is not unusual for someone in recovery (those feelings will visit you from time to time), but provided you keep observing the strategies that work for you, your feelings and situation will change for the better.

I do hope you decide on a hobby soon to replace your spare time, and thus avoid the boredom of being idle.

I’ll also like to echo what other forum member have said to you, and that is to take it one day at a time. It does work.

You’re progressing, so keep up the good work.

Regards,

Beatrice

Day 13.

Haven't posted all weekend, it's getting easier not to think about it now. I can honestly say that this weekend I wasn't tempted at all to gamble, even though I had a large sum of money come my way. In the past I would have told my partner that I didn't receive as much as I did. But all the money came in and went straight into my partners account. I'm feeling good and my partner commented the other day how it was only a week till pay day and we still have money in. Normally I'd be trying to scrabble around for cash for the last few days.

I've been neglecting myself, it can't have been easy for my partner watching me pile on the weight, to the point where I have no clothes that fit me anymore, but rather than buy new clothes I've been wearing my old clothes out, I've had the same pair of jeans that I've worn every day for work and home. Even though I shouldn't really be wearing jeans at work.

I've been trying to eat healthily the past couple of weeks and I've had a haircut and today I tried on a pair of trousers that just over 2 weeks ago I had to strain to get into, but today they went on easily. I've gone to work smartly dressed for the first time in probably 7-8 months.

My first real test, I feel, has come and gone. With the money that came in and went straight into my partners account. The best part is it didn't even enter my mind to do anything else with that money.

Feeling positive.

Very positive indeed, Clinton. Try not to become complacent though. Your mind will try and disguise the way it tries to justify a return to gambling, which fools us into thinking we can control it. Always keep that guard up, and this means for the remainder of your life. Some days urges will be stronger than others, get through these and they will become less frequent. You're doing great so far, and a big pat on the back for the way you dealt with that recent sum of money. Dressing smartly and taking care of yourself is definitely something I have neglected too during my gambling years. I went the other way though, losing pounds due to not having any money to eat. Depression causes us to question why should we bother looking presentable. The thing is, if we look good, we feel good and that gives off positive vibes. Take care of yourself and keep going strong.

Cheers TheMask, I'll definitely keep my guard up, I'll no doubt still get the urges from time to time, I just can't remember thinking about gambling at all this weekend. Which was nice.

Day 14.

2 weeks!

Coming on here every day and writing my thoughts down has helped me so much. I'm naturally an introvert. I struggle to communicate how I feel because I feel embarassed or that nobody cares. But this feels good, every time I write in this diary I'm looking forward to writing about my next entry. I'm feeling so much more positive now than I have in a long time. If only I realised that saving my money would count for so much more than gambling it trying to win more.

Tonight, my partner is going out, in the past that would have meant online blackjack. Tonight I'll cook a chilli and get on Fifa. If anybody wants a game I'm on PS4 (clintday).

You sound so like me it's unreal. Unfortunately I sold my PlayStation for cash to fund my habit or I would have given you a game! 2 weeks is tough, I should know, so well done on making it this far. Keep ticking off those days mate.

Day 15.

Well, I didn't cook a chilli, I loaded up FIFA but unfortunately my little boy was a bit of a nightmare compared to what he's normally like. He wouldn't sleep and he cried from about 9PM almost solidly through to 11PM. Finally got him to sleep at 11PM and by that point I was too tired to do anything but get into bed. But there was no attempt to gamble! So all in all a good night.

I've got a couple days left at work and then over a week off because I've got my eldest boy for half term. Looking forward to it but I tend to not post as much when I'm not at work. So I'll try and keep logging in but if I miss the odd day then so be it.

Feeling positive.

Hi and well done in staying gamble free.AAh children eh? never predictable bless. Half term? yeeks lol. I have six grandchildren and I know my daughters find it hard work but if the weather is nice (which they predict it will be) lot easier as can take them out. Because I wont be stuck at my laptop gambling I will join in with my grandchildren. Just a trip to the park with the dogs and they are happy. Although rest of time they are online playing on Xbox lol. so dont care if nan is there or not! Going on Playgroup trip tomo with daughter and youngest 3yr old granddaughter to wildlife park. Enjoy the time with your eldest lad, they grow up so fast. take care Mary

Day 16.

It's my last day at work today for the rest of May! Next working day will be the 1st June. Feeling really excited now, taking my son to Scarborough on Sunday to meet the Octonauts. Not sure what we'll do for the rest of the week but praying for good weather as we've found a couple of farms we'd like to take him to. Imagine we'll be spending a lot of time in wacky warehouses if the weather isn't good.

Still not thinking about gambling but as I've said before, when I don't have money I don't really worry about it. May 29th will be the day when I can transfer all my wages into my partners account and finally start proving myself.

Feeling positive.

Hi Clintonday. You sound really upbeat and that is brill. Weather forecast looking good so should be nice quality time with son. We don't need gambling, gambling needs us to keep it going and the more of us who abstain the less likely the next generation will be tempted. If your children grow up with a dad who has nothing to hide, knows the value of money, and is strong they won't go wrong in life. Good going Clintonday and happy holidays Mary x

Hi Clinton,

Great progress. Must be nice to spend time with your son and not continually be distracted by gambling thoughts. I'm sure he will notice a change in you for the better too.

As breakdowntime has mentioned, enjoy your weekend, you deserve it!

Feeling really low recently. I haven't gambled but in my personal life it seems that everything I do is wrong. I'm fully expecting my partner to leave me now. I've managed to persuae her once already not to leave but she's constantly picking fights with me for no reason, like she's just itching to get the chance to make me feel as bad as possible.

I'm naturally a very unconfident person, which is why whenever we go out I don't like attention drawing to me, she knows this, which is probably the reason why she will stand in front of me for 5 minutes shouting at me in public to humiliate me.

The problem is when she's in a good mood, I feel like everything is good, but if she's in a bad mood then everyone else has to suffer for it. I just wish she would support me or not support me, instead of making me jump through hoops all the time when it might end up being for nothing.

So sorry to here you going thro a bad time Clintonday. I do think when we feel insecure ourselves we can sometimes be more sensitive to the world around us. I have had several low days and felt noone really liked me not even my children! but the sensible cells in my brain tell me it is all connected and will get better. Only you can control your life and know whats right for you but I do sincerely hope things work out for you personally. Take care Mary