The opening

Good luck. 

Put all the necessary blocks in place and take it one day at a time.

How bad is it?

Been gambling for probably 40 years and same cycle of losing stopping and returning ..feeling sick,  being great no gambling for 6 - 9 months then back on it ..I know it’s happening but can’t stop it.

@d602n8icoj Thanks for the reply 

Well, overall, very very bad, but grateful it's not catastrophic.

Short story... gambling for almost 25 years..sports betting .., now age 43 years old. Over the course of my life, easily £1,000,000 lost. I have been in many debts, dozens of credit cards open in the past $30k, $40k, $50k...you name it ...- thankfully not so much debt now as I have had moments of being clean and resolving a lot of my debt when I'm gamble free... (with help of others) only to lose it again.

I have tried gamban on a number of occasions (as well as everything else).

Right now I'm having cravings, but I'm posting here instead of gambling... in the hope to get to day 1 tomorrow.

In two days, I get paid - it's critical I put that money away safely..., I hope to post saying that I have successfully put it away.. and then perhaps I'll make a post  on here discussing my current financial situation and hopefully allow some clarity of thought how I can psychologically and financially save my life.

feel really awful today, riddled with anxiety and worry, I have compromised and risked so much financea, including little sons school fund. I hope I can get paid successfully in the next 24 hours and stabilize the ship.. I need to get out of this nightmare and mess.

@jbug81 

"If you're going through hell, keep going"

Sounds like it's time to put a stop to this based on your previous response to me.

Get those blocks back in place. Let's squash this for good.

You can do this! 

I'll be routing for you and checking for updates.

Don't try winning anything back because it will only fuel your addiction if it works or cause you to lose more if it goes t**s up.

Thanks everyone for your support. These next 24-36hours are going to be fully painful and just go really really slow and lots of anxiety. 

Each minute is utterly painful. I don't have gamble urge, it's not that kind of pain..  it's the regret, it's the why why why why why, it's the anxiety..what if this happens, what if that happens... I'm hanging on by a thread to lose it all...

Need to get through 48 hours. One more night sleep  and two more days...

Have put my invoice in for this month's salary. Hopefully I get it approved and paid within the next 24 hours. and then I can move from urgent urgent crisis mode to just major crisis mode.

Last night was wild, so desperate to gamble, luckily there isnt a penny to my name - but that didnt stop me trawling through every website to see if i could find access to money, i was even halfway through filling in a payday loan application - just couldnt bringmyself to write falsehoods on the application form or ruin my credit rating.  Anyway, I avoided gambling and just passed out on my bed.

Woke up with a little more clarity today. But I get paid today (hopefully) - and im at big risk. But I just have to use it to plug the emergency holes I have in my balances. 

And I need to keep the clarity I have this morning. Ill talk about my finances once I am paid and ease this deep worry that I still have. For example I dont have enough money to get through the next week unless I get paid today... so anxiety and breathing and general worry is still an issue and challenge for today...

Stick with the plan!

You'll only lose more and make it worse if you keep gambling. A win would just mean more reinforcement for the addiction and ultimately more future losses. 

You've got this man...

That school fund needs to be built back up for your son and you surely want to be free of this if it's taken so much from you and you've come on here.

I hate to say it but you will NEVER win your money back. Don't risk causing anymore damage.

@d602n8icoj Thank you for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate it (its why im posting here, for any kind of emotional release)...and I know you re 100% correct - of course you always lose, never win, over and over, it's so obvious and yet somehow I end up there again and again.

15 years ago I wrote myself a poem (after a horrific relapse with 10 credit cards open and 30k of debts)...I automated the poem to send myself every day with an email as a reminder to never gamble and one of the lines was "you always lose".. and yet 15 years on, im still here doing it. Terrible terrible addiction. That poem came to my inbox daily for so many years but I just ignored the words...

Anyhow, today im fighting through day 1. Im hoping to get paid, and put a stop to the major worry for the month agead... And then build again.

Im theoretically not in a terrible situation, I have a path out...I can resolve a lot of my financial issues if I jsut stay gamble free for 90-120 days and work super super hard..... but thats easier said than done.. I have been saying that for years... and cant even get that far sometimes, despite how hard I have been working...

Anyhow... still fingers crossed for payment so this acute mindblowing stress is resolved.

The good news is I got paid ...

And I restored the money for my kids school fund. And put some money in my spouse's bank for this week's grocery shopping. I paid some money (a small amount but above minimum) onto the maxed out credit card monthly payment. I put some money back into the emergency savings account which I had completely emptied ... Still a big hole there but dire emergency funds are there now.

But as I was doing all this, I was reserving a little bit, knowing I would be tempted to gamble with it. And indeed I spent the rest of the evening gambling with that small amount. 6 hours of continuous gambling. Anyway the session has come to an end.

The utmost critical thing now is to stop. I wanted breathing room so I wasn't distraught with worry. I have that now after fixing up a few of the crisis holes in the finances. I can get through to the next month without major panic attacks as it stands..... Now I just need to stop and never touch this again, this is the well being of my family and I can't do what I just did ever again. 

@jbug81 

Well done for getting your main priorities sorted and replenishing the school fund at least!

Did you lose the money?

I'm guessing your line of thinking was would try to win a little to help see you through the month after paying out everything else or something similar.

Don't beat yourself up about it anyway, just jump back on the horse and concentrate on making sure you don't do it again like you say. 

We've all relapsed enough times to be here and most on the forum will have done the same at some point I'm sure if I'm right about why you chose to gamble.

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