Thank you for the encouragement and kind words.
I didn't actually gamble to chase loses as such, (as often it does), this was purely for the sake of it. And even through the 6 hours, I was sitting there saying "I hate this, it's not enjoyable at all staring at this screen" yet stil I went on. Isn't it strange? As I'm gambling, im really disliking it...but when I'm not gambling, like right now, the voice inside me is saying to place another bet .
L
Anyhow, luckily I didn't lose the part of my salary I played with last night, but ultimately I didn't win, as I didn't even make it 5 hours from being paid before gambling lol.
Today is another day, I'm in an ok position for the month (providing I don't gamble) there's food on the table and enough to get us through the next month and an emergency fund - so I shouldn't have that deep acute anxiety that I had earlier in Thai thread.
But I still have a deep deep long term financial hole and an addiction to overcome.
Day 1 again 🙂
Well it's been 2.5 hours since my last post. Quick disclaimer, I haven't gambled since my last post .. yay!
But my head has been running wild at work, constantly calculating how to put a bet on, how to access the money that I have mostly stashed away to protect myself. My head is just looking for it's fix and it's so relentless. It's the withdrawal symptoms, but with gambling it doesn't manifest itself like drugs or alcohol with delerium or sweats... It's just the brain demanding dopamine NOW through gambling. And it's relentless, im constantly telling myself - just a small bet, a quick one...
Like man, please, I hope I don't gamble and give in to this pressure. Im alreadysleep deprived. I need to keep my head clear. Need to keep reminding me of faith in God. I want to escape this feeling. I have just escaped a major stress where there enough money in the household for just a few days of transport to work, food on the table, kids school savings depleted .. I jsut escaped that nightmare last week... And my brain is trying to put me there again ... 🙁
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