The opening

Thank you for the encouragement  and kind words.

I didn't actually gamble to chase loses as such, (as often it does), this was purely for the sake of it. And even through the 6 hours, I was sitting there saying "I hate this, it's not enjoyable at all staring at this screen" yet stil I went on. Isn't it strange? As I'm gambling, im really disliking it...but when I'm not gambling, like right now, the voice inside me is saying to place another bet . 

L

Anyhow, luckily I didn't lose the part of my salary I played with last night, but ultimately I didn't win, as I didn't even make it 5 hours from being paid before gambling lol.

Today is another day, I'm in an ok position for the month (providing I don't gamble)  there's food on the table and enough to get us through the next month and an emergency fund - so I shouldn't have that deep acute anxiety that I had earlier in Thai thread. 

But I still have a deep deep long term financial hole and an addiction to overcome.

Day 1 again 🙂

Well it's been 2.5 hours since my last post. Quick disclaimer, I haven't gambled since my last post .. yay!

But my head has been running wild at work, constantly calculating how to put a bet on, how to access the money that I have mostly stashed away to protect myself. My head is just looking for it's fix and it's so relentless. It's the withdrawal symptoms, but with gambling it doesn't manifest itself like drugs or alcohol with delerium or sweats... It's just the brain demanding dopamine NOW through gambling. And it's relentless, im constantly telling myself - just a small bet, a quick one...

Like man, please, I hope I don't gamble and give in to this pressure. Im  alreadysleep deprived. I need to keep my head clear. Need to keep reminding me of faith in God. I want to escape this feeling. I have just escaped a major stress where there enough money in the household for just a few days of transport to work, food on the table, kids school savings depleted .. I jsut escaped that nightmare last week... And my brain is trying to put me there again ... 🙁

2 hours from last post, cravings and obsessions persist. It's like I'm empty without my mind needing a bet going on - despite me juggling a million things in the dayand doing multiple tasks, my mind still finds an emptiness without simultaneously overloading it with another bet. 

I Have been on a massive gambling bender for the last 2 months so my mind is really used to having this attractive gambling dopamine feeding into it.  So so crazy. Like man, just please think about something else, there must be more than just watching a bet and hoping your luck changes. Damnit

@jbug81 

Have you considered going for talk therapy? 

I certainly know the feeling you have described to an extent but if it's so incredibly obsessive I would definitely talk to someone about it.

Casino games are my vice, but like you I have had moments where I think "This isn't even fun".

The games are actually very boring, it's only the dopamine rush of "winning" that keeps us engaged. It's all plastic pleasure until we hit that losing streak and once that slip happens it can't half go down hill fast.

It's incredible how quickly I have depleted my balance after doing well when I've had good runs and then hit a bump in the road.

I'm now on day 11 and get paid on Friday. That will be the true test as until now I've not had any choice but to not gamble. I'm determined to stay away though!

I could only use my fiancées laptop if I were to gamble and that is obviously harder to hide than doing it on your phone.

I just don't want to do it anymore though. I want to be free of the guilt of hiding it and feeling like i'm letting her down. That and I'm sick of losing money of course!

Good luck mate. 

Keep posting updates!

@d602n8icoj hey house,

*Mission failure, mission abort* since my last post, I started gambling whilst at work, lost a chunk. Stupid. But genuinely that was the most intense withdrawal symptoms I ever had in my 25 years, I could barely think. Anyhow, back on here to unfold myself 

Talk therapy sounds good but to who? I don't want to talk to family, I have been down that route and it's not viable.

I know what you mean about fiance's laptop, I have been there... And my son's Amazon Kindle. And the tv. And workstations at work. And internet cafes. And anywhere else.

I would love to communicate with someone other than forums, who is a fellow gambler going through a recovery process. But haven't found that friend in the inside, I'm very much an introvert and solo gambler, lock myself in my room and gamble type.

Anyhow, totally failed. I can't afford to gamble any more, I don't think I can handle what I coped with last month - not enough money to make it through the week, that anxiety was unbearable.

Needs to stop now. Done.

@jbug81

Ah knackers.. Try again. 

Give the GamCare helpline a phone, they will put you in touch with someone local. 

The National Gambling Helpline number is 0808 8020 133 for free 24 hours a day, 7 day a week information, support and counselling.

Google Help for problems with gambling and go to the NHS page for info on other services that offer what you might be looking for. 

Another dumb day of gambling. Luckily I havent blown my entire salary within three days of receiving it but the money is kind of all over the place, so some of the emergency money is locked away - which is both a good thing (i cant access it) but a bad thing because it adds to an underlying anxiety of not having money in emergency. but anyhow, its ok, im not in dire straits...

but THIS IS IT. This is a promise to everyone reading this, everyone on this forum, every gambler that ever lived, every member of my family, this is it. I am quitting. Today is day 0. I will not be defeated. Im craving a good night sleep and start my life tomorrow as day 1. 

Help me through this, hour by hour. 

Ok, heres a break down of my finances:

Emergency funds: 2000 GBP
Long term fixed savings (That is completely inaccessible for 1 year) 6000-8000GBP (When I was on a role sometimes Id put my winnings here so it was locked from me).

Credit card: 4500 GBP
MBNA Loan: 7500 GBP - regular monthly payments setup
Another bank loan: 1800 GBP - regular monthly payments setup
Owe a work colleague: 800 GBP

I have about 325 GBP in my current account for day to day living - which needs to get me through to middle of March so the next few weeks will be a little tight.

If i work really hard til March 31st,  I can eat a lot into the credit card balance. and then I need to close that card down as soon as its cleared.

Only 1 hour from my last post, but just writing as i have already had temptations. I will get through this. There is a better life for me waiting ..

Just 1.5 hours from my last post, had a major urge to gamble, resisted.

It's so impulsive. The idea drops in your head and all of a sudden something tales ver your mind and you instinctively just getting ready to deposit money and start playing again. It's a rush of adrenaline and once the idea is in your head, it's like nothing will stop you.

I stopped this one because jsut two hours ago I made a promise on this forum to never gamble. Then from that sudden high of feeling great "yaaay I'm about to gamble, let's gooooo", my mind just goes on a downer. But here I am posting on thoa forum instead. Can I jsut make it to tomorrow please?

Such a tough few hours, been so desparate to gamble but I haven't. Trying to keep occupied and doing other things. These are the worst cravings I have ever felt. After 25 years of gambling my mind has melted lol. 

Just trying to get through to night so I can fall asleep and start day 1 tomorrow 

Ok made it through the night ..

A new day begins, today is an attempt at officially getting through my first day .. day 1 begins ..

I know how you feel. Over the last 2 years easily 20K down. Constantly blowing my wages as soon as I get paid.

Was doing so well got paid last night then went to the bookies and lost £1,200

I only got paid £1,500 this month and have a lot of expenses this month...

Time to dip into everything I have tried to save up by not gambling, and I was doing so well too.

Tired of this c**P. Losing money I worked hard all month for in a few hours. Feeling bad to spend £30 on something nice but then blowing £1,200 in a few hours of gambling.

This has ruined my life.