Day 46 and another uneventful day. Work is fairly quiet at the moment so it's boring. Been trying to generate some new work but no one biting... it's always a long haul. Snooped around on some blog sites tonight to think about starting my own and how id go about that. Need a spark.
Hiya Change, sounds like a great idea checking out how you'd start your own business , just maybe it's the focus youv'e been looking for ?
Today I've been listening to Jamie Lawson - very emotional video
Day 47... absolutely shattered. Need sleep badly.
Snap!!
Glad to see you are still doing well Change.
Take care and look after yourself.
Feb.
Got a late night of baby feeding though... so it's youtube scanning for me tonight. No Australian Open. No football form guides. Just biggie smalls and whatever else comes up.
Day 50 today. Been tough with so much sport over the weekend so trying best to avoid. Struggling quite a bit right now and just trying to plough through the days.
Great achievement change, 50 is a lovely milestone to reach. Well done you.
Suzanne xxx
Nice on Change day 50 keep it up glad the little guy is doing a bit better
KTF
Hi Change,
Historically a difficult time for you when you get a 6 or so weeks into this. Can you think of a reason why or maybe something you can do different this time around to avoid a repeat ​
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Thanks for your kind comments.
Yes very bad time for me. Think it's combination of past being a reasonable distance away and a longing for a habit that id engaged in for so long. They'll be a trigger of a new sporting event or a big game and then I'll be finding a way to get around any blocks. Trying to avoid sport again so don't get sucked in. That's the only thing I can do right now. Hope it fades.
Avoiding sports is a great idea. Maybe involve your wife with how you're feeling at the moment
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Hiya Buddy , pest here again ! I've just picked up on your day's post's mate , firstly sorry it's late but a big well done on getting back to 50 days my friend , secondly I had feelings you were struggling because your posts were becoming less frequent and the same thing happened last time that you relapsed !.
Mate weve been through so much together with this journey of ours and I'm not leaving you behind again ! , if your struggling then talk , come on here and have a good rant about life , youv'e dealt with so much since xmas with little man not being well , plus all the other c*r*a*P youv'e dealt with along the way and if you can get through that and find the strength then you can find the strength to beat any urge that comes along , its just the gambling devil working away in your head , telling you that he'll make it all right ! . Weve been there mate and done it and it don't effing work does it ? If your struggling then look back at your early post's and see what that place felt like , what you were going through the morning after you first posted on here and the morning after your relapse ! , do you really want to feel like that again ? .
You can do this mate , I believe you can do this and you have to , you have a little guy thats gonna need your help for quite some time and a wife thats gonna need you to be there for her , for support , just as you give and get support on here .
I really don't want to wake up to some bad news anytime soon , you came here for a reason, you wanted Change and I want change to carry on fighting and not to give in to 5 mins of fun that will cause you so much grief , so dont you dare give up on that goal !
Mate , I'm here whenever you need support , unconditionally , stay focused on whats important !
Ps I'll even ease up on the bad joke's if it helps?.
Thanks Alan - yeah I have been distancing myself from here a bit. Sometimes I find it tough on here. I read a relapse and it makes me think "oh they've relapsed so it's ok for me to do the same" or you read tales of financial troubles and it plants a seed of negativity around your own financial position etc etc. It's a forum about gambling so it's bound to remind you of gambling. There was a point where I was on the new and updated tab and just hitting refresh permanently and was annoyed that there was nothing fresh to read so my mind is wandering trying to find something else. Maybe I should just focus on my own diary for a while.
Mate thats great that you come on here and go off on one , you have to talk and explain whats going on in your world .
Your right when you say sports betting is different and I've never dabbled in that one so I'm proberbly not the best to offer advice but weve all got the common urge factor , the same struggles to overcome but we have to face them mate and thats it in a nutshell , go back to basics and deal with them one by one , you know that they pass right ? youv'e dealt with them before, for the last 50 days youve fought the urge and won , so whats different this time .
I might be wrong but I dont think youve got your head completely around the fact it's over , there's still something lingering there where your hoping by some miracle youre going to be able to control it ?, tbh I've had those feeling too , not lately but earlier on I kept thinking that maybe , just maybe I could still go to a dog or horse meeting , with the family , on a day out that sort of thing and as much as I want to believe that I can't risk it , simply because life now with my family means so much more .
It's no different for you ! you know that if you do give in your gonna feel like s*h*i*t the next day , all that promise you made about changing for you and your family will mean jack ! and you'll be back on here on day 1 repeating the cycle ?.
Forget the newbies diary's for a while , we all want to help everyone but we can't always do that , sometimes we just need to look after ourselves and our own recovery for a while . Just keep your diary going on here and chatting with the people who've been alongside you so far , reach out to us and we'll get through it together !
Youre tired and losing the plot simply because youre arguing with yourself , its jekyl and hyde and its putting you in turmoil over it , let it go mate push the irational thoughts out with positive ones and allow yourself to be at peace , you know gambling's not the answer , we can't win because we can't stop so better not to start at all !.
I'll be about tommorow after about 9 ish , so if you need to post and chat I will pick up on it mate !
Rant away mate I'll be listening !
Stay strong fella !
Alan
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