worst relapsing gambler I would like to officially challenge you for that title. Good luck with your recovery
Day 2 and another good day. Had a slight blip where one email annoyed me but hey I get loads in a day so that is pretty good.
Positives
- enjoying listening to my podcasts without wandering off into other thoughts
- the team is really engaged with my Christmas initiative and there is a good buzz
- a colleague had some really kind words to say about me and my performance
- the Christmas tree has gone up at our house
Slowly starting to get this positivity breeds positivity vibe.
Went on chat today and it was good to meet some of you nice folk!
i mentioned podcasts before so does anyone have any good recommendations? It fills up train time when my mind could wander to bets!
Can feel the positivity coming through the laptop , could also be spam though ?.
Good on yer Buddy , have a great day tommorow !
Best wishes !
Day 3
Woke up today and I still feel on at upward trajectory. Got a big project to finish off today and a few conference calls this afternoon to go through some transactions. Feel a bit more dialled into work but still not sure if it's for me. I help to make very rich people even richer and it doesn't always fit so well with my moral compass.
Positives from last night and this morning:
- I woke up and had two new posts! Alan and GT - thanks for your kind words. I definitely feel like being positive and drawing on positives in every single day could help snap me out of depression and ultimately gambling.
- I have been coping better at feeding my son. He hasn't been sick on me for the past couple of days and I've been managing better at winding him. Has the little man noticed a change?
- I put some pictures of my son in my wallet as a constant reminder of my favourite little man.
- Manchester United got knocked out the Champions League!
I thought the days were going fairly fast but must admit that the speedy progression is slowing slightly and I would love to be saying it's Day 10... but I don't want to wish my life away. Day 3 it is and Days 4-9 will no doubt bring more positives.
Good luck all. Keep the faith.
Day 3
Woke up today and I still feel on at upward trajectory. Got a big project to finish off today and a few conference calls this afternoon to go through some transactions. Feel a bit more dialled into work but still not sure if it's for me. I help to make very rich people even richer and it doesn't always fit so well with my moral compass.
Positives from last night and this morning:
- I woke up and had two new posts! Alan and GT - thanks for your kind words. I definitely feel like being positive and drawing on positives in every single day could help snap me out of depression and ultimately gambling.
- I have been coping better at feeding my son. He hasn't been sick on me for the past couple of days and I've been managing better at winding him. Has the little man noticed a change?
- I put some pictures of my son in my wallet as a constant reminder of my favourite little man.
- Manchester United got knocked out the Champions League!
I thought the days were going fairly fast but must admit that the speedy progression is slowing slightly and I would love to be saying it's Day 10... but I don't want to wish my life away. Day 3 it is and Days 4-9 will no doubt bring more positives.
Good luck all. Keep the faith.
Hi,
Thanks for popping by on my diary earlier.
Love the positivity that is shining through your posts plus a breakdown of the positives that you are experiencing.
What a fab idea and keep up the good work.
Best wishes
Day 3 PM
Another decent day where I left the office in a happy mood. Listened to my podcast on way back but drifting in and out a bit due to sheer tiredness. Had to wait 30 mins to get a connection to travel 10 mins. I used to be amazed at the selfish nature of certain people who push and squash old dears to cramp on to a packed train and grab the 1 or 2 remaining seats. It disgusts me to see able bodied men and women taking up seats while veterans and pregnant women stand. It no longer amazes me as I see it so frequently it has become the norm.
Positives for today
- rescued the Christmas tree after the dog knocked it down
- took time out to help a colleague who left down about herself after being told she's improved but needs to show other skills to get promoted
- made sure I delegate and develop others so been passing a lot down and doing fair bit of coaching which is mega rewarding but puts pressure on billings and my codes
- dealt with a few awkward clients without procrastinating
All in it has been a decent day
Great diary keep going thanks for joining my diary
Hi Change, just wanted to drop in to agree with you about your little man noticing a Change...Babies are very atuned to negative emotions & with you feeling calmer, he will be too! Equally, don't be too hard on yourself if he is sick or struggles to feed, he's had a very traumatic entrance to the world which has been hard on your family & there is no perfect way to help him progress, so just concentrate on surrounding him with love!
I love the positivity but don't forget you are human & sometimes a rant will be just what you need so good or bad, keep writing!
I am with you on the giving up seats & I have climbed under a few armpits in my time (apols if that was you today) & I hate having to push & shove but Lundin in rush hour requires a good elbow technique to get 'right down inside the carriages' coz the newspaper readers & backpack wearers insist on hogging the doors!
Keep making the right choices @ work & @ home...Your family need your strength & for that you must look after you - ODAAT
Hi Change, I think the negativity follows as a consequence of continued defeat. How can you not be negative when your getting hammered in the bookies all the time. Its also really tough to get up and going in recovery and then ruin it all by falling off the wagon. Look at how you have improved in 3 days this addiction is a parasite and it is disgusting how government can let it flourish. I am self excluded from most sites yet without little problem I can get back on them. They should have to ensure self exclusion means exactly that. Stay well Pal and hopefully will see you at the end of day 4 tomorrow
Jeeez ! First it's you havin a go coz I'd been drinking and smelt on the train , now that ODAAT'S saying I wont give her my seat !!. Doesn't she realise I need somewhere to read my paper and put my rucksack , some people honestly ?.
Change my friend !!, great to see you so positive and focusing on all that your blessed with , hold on to those thought's eh ?
Talk to you soon Buddy , live for the day ! ...........................................Alan
Day 4
Thanks ODAAT - it's amazing how babies react to emotions so you're probably right and there could be something in that. The state of the trains is really bad for a leading economy like the UK.
Thanks Michael - you made a point about exclusions not working for you. I self excluded from one particular site and was able to access it again. I checked back through my emails and could see a clear request to close the account. I contacted them and after about a month they refunded my cash. It took a while but I think they knew they were in the wrong and their actions were very reckless. When my gambling was in a peak and I was up I was happy and then a late goal in a game could descend me into misery. My wife picking up on all these mood changes but it is very hard to act normal when you've just done a load of cash in... and then to face your boss the next day is nearly impossible. A rain cloud was just following me around everywhere.
Thanks Alan - it's good to start living life but early early days. Need to get to 100 days this time as never made it that far. Don't want to stop there though... onwards.
Woke up today and felt fairly normal. Glad to have my family and friends and a job I find relatively easy albeit certain days are stressful. Keen to face the day for a change.
Positives
- Woke up today and had 3 posts on my diary - wow and thanks everyone!
- I managed to run onto the train inbetween downpours so as not to get completely soaked
- I realised I need better goals as on chat last night mine was just to not gamble on Xmas day whereas other people had goals to build houses or start their own business - why is mine so short term and gambling related? I thought long and hard and I don't really have a life goal... probably because I've always wanted life to pass incident free rather than take a risk and do something major. I want to do something major now!
So as Day 4 begins in earnest shortly I know I have some tricky conversations today but I'll get through them. Anything is easy when compared to recovery.
Enjoy your day everyone... you can't get it back after it's gone!
Day 4 PM
Mega mega busy day. Wow. Got loads done but not the stuff I expected to get done at the start of the day.
Positives
- dealt with lots today and never once fell back to a gambling thought
- getting more involved in the forum and linked into Michael's initiative for gamble free days till New Year
- not felt compelled to check sports pages to know what's happened and what's going on - the first step in placing a bet for me
Got to keep moving forward. Keep the faith.
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