The promise

Well done change for wrapping the week up, :))) safe and sound.

Suzanne xxx

Starting to dwell on things a bit over past half hour. Not good really. Nothing can do about past. I can only correct future but just makes you feel bad when know wasted so much life. Going to bed with bad thoughts is never good for sleep.

Sometimes good to sleep these thoughts off you might see a different outlook tomorrow.

Ho Change,

Firstly well done on 7 days of complete abstinence.
I relate to your feelings, had the same last night but it was more less to do with re living some past memories (not gambling related)..ya know what helped when i jolted up from my sleep? ..deep breaths!
Deep breaths really works miracles and just trying to calm your racing mind down is the key..switch off...(very slowly i must add)..let positivity enter your thoughts...just anything...like looking forward to something nice tommorow or accepting good things you have in ur life already..let those deep breaths take you to calmer place, let it do its job while you hold on tight onto positivities. This machine we carry on our shoulders is really powerful and believe me or not, you can talk it through to take some time out...just feel while you drift off to sleep ( i call it "sweet sleep" cause actually you feel sweetness when your body calms down and mind switches off peacefully!...not crazy here lol...just saying from experience, if i can tk myself to such place, you can too...it's all in your mind, work towards positivity and reap the benefits of sound and peaceful sleep.

All the best, look after you

Sandra

Day 8. Thanks for your posts last night. I managed to get to sleep but took me a little longer than normal. Still feeling a little down this morning but hopefully snap out of it during the course of today or this week.

Positives

- managed to get to sleep last night through the midst of some difficult thinking

- on way to work and feeling focused to get some tasks ticked off

- determined to get through this

Many thanks everyone for helping me through.

Got through today but that's all - I worked hard and was busy the whole day but couldn't find an opportunity to do that bit extra as the day was just too tough. Emotionally I wasn't wired in today and it obviously showed as a colleague remarked that "you don't seem yourself today".

Positives

- aware its been a tough day but got through it

- becoming less bothered by people looking at what I'm reading and seeing it's an addiction forum

- awareness that I have multiple addictions to deal with - been drinking more and smoking again - I just can't seem to deal with life's struggles and / or I need a vice!

Does that last bit mean anything to anyone? Does anyone else feel they need a vice? Or am I just talking bs?

Slowly coming round after Monday is nearly out the way. Got my son, wife and dog all around me. Got 2016 looming and need to make it my year. Coming back to a post a few days ago where on the chat we were speaking of goals... someone wanted to build a house... another wanted to start own business. Mine was to not gamble on Xmas day! How pathetic is that. I need that new goal but I'm struggling for it. Anyone please shout out their goals as id like some more soundings to see if it is just me that has no life goal! I'm going to find one shortly... I guarantee you lot!

Hey change,

Even the Queen will have vices :))

You talk about goals, my own experience for me, is to never gamble again, because if I don't, every thing else falls slowly but surely into place)) if I go back no matter what goal I could set myself for the future, that 1st tenner could/would destroy all of it,:( I am a CG, in recovery, I have only one goal and that is to abstain and maintain, and that I know now enchances my recovery more every day, and I also know that by doing this my other goals can truly be possible.because they just come on our recovery journeys, even the smallest of things.

Keep going my friend and keep believing in you, recovery is there right by your side.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Change , I have only one goal , so my goal is to build another goal so when I have a kickabout with my son he doesn't always win !! LoL.

Seriously though My short term goal is much like yourself . I can't remember a xmas where I haven't gambled , every year I have a couple of weeks off and take three weeks wages from my buisiness and proceed to blow it all in a couple of day's , I then spend the entire holiday chasing it , usually losing more along the way and end up potless and in debt by the time I go back to work , nothing's changed there except it's through choice this time and the money's been spent on prezzie's this time though ! . So for me this year is going to be very different and for you to say " you don't want to have had a bet on xmas day " well nothing wrong with that my friend , if thats your wish , your dream for yourself , then that's your gift to yourself from recovery !.

Well done buddy , keep marching forward !

Thanks for both of your comments. I agree that in the short term my goal must be to stop gambling (and smoking). However, I think there needs to be a longer term aspiration or my life is just dictated by a focus on stopping gambling. I don't disagree that stopping will no doubt help other areas but maybe I lack some focus in my life, something to achieve and aim for on a bigger scale. I've mentioned previously that I'm just drifting and we might as well speed the drift up by a year or five years and be done with it. It's all food for thought but just wanted to throw it out there for a debate. I love a good chat and some dialogue. Thanks again.

Change , just to add , I think when weve been so preoccupied by gambling as we all have , we suddenly awaken to this new world and begin to evaluate our live's , because were no longer focused on gambling, we now want more from life , something to get our teeth into .

I know I've paid much more attention to my buisiness of late and in such a short time I'ts paid off ! , so who's to say what we can achieve ,from now on we are the only ones that can limit ourselves ?

Have a good night fella !

Day 9

Feel better today. A little tired but that's normal. Really need to have a good day after the dip over the weekend and yesterday.

Positives

- did well at feeding and winding my son last night after a few days of sickness over the weekend

- managed to cut back on drinking last night

- really positive about 2016

Morning change,

Thanks for dropping by and glad to see you taking positives from your every day life.:))

Here's to a very positive 2016 indeed lol, and do you know what, this positive is very possible indeed.

Have a good day

Suzanne xxx

Wasn't such a busy day in the end so dragged a bit in the afternoon. Started trying to get some more work in the pipeline in the new year so arranged a few meetings with clients.

Positives

- managing to focus a bit longer term rather than living by the minute

Found a few podcasts on addiciton and gambling addiction (there are quite a lot actually). Just turned on a 5 live special on Matthew Etherington the prem league footballer who needed to go to loan sharks and ultimately needed to be bailed out by his club after running up so much debt. Just shows how you can clear over £40k a month in wages and it can all go... plus more. It's an unbelievable addiction that eats away at anyone regardless of what you earn. His end point was an intervention from his family.