So on Tuesday I made my first post in the new members area. Sitting down and putting things on paper was probably the most difficult thing I have ever done.
The feeling of shame immense, I finished my story and pushed the post button. I then proceeded to send the link to some good friends and important people in my life. It didn't take long before the phone calls started. I was shocked by the messages of support and the general amount of love coming my way, something I wasn't really expecting.
I then went round some of my favorite gambling places (where I'm known by most) pulled a few people to one side explained that I have a problem and that if they were to see me gambling they were to eject me from the place. I explained this had to be done for my own good. Again this wasn't pleasant but something that needed to be done.
Tuesday night was really hard for me, was unable to sleep and kept breaking down, luckily I had the support of someone very special.
Wednesday morning wasn't any better. I spoke with a few more people and was shocked by their admissions regarding their own gambling demons, something I hadn't expected. The fact I may well of already helped a few others has been an inspiration and the feelings of guilt, anger and shame almost entirely evaporated.
I know these will be back and am not kidding myself but I felt great for the first time in a long time.
I saw my Son and explained my situation and although he doesn't really understand it was nice being honest for a change. The rest of my day was brilliant, being able to enjoy the company of the people I was with, without the underlying guilt. I loved every minute and am looking forward to life going forward from here although I know there will be difficult times ahead.
Tonight I intend to complete my "outing" by telling my family which will be really hard but once it's done that'll be more relief - at least I hope. It also means everyone that needs to know, knows. I will also be going to my first GA meeting on Sunday which will be interesting, so time to kick on from here.
I'd also like to thank the people who replied to my first post as your support has helped and hopefully my story might help some others. I will be posting every day (hopefully) so will let you know how things are progressing.
At last the futures bright.
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