The sure way of getting nothing from something

Had a roller coaster week.
I've always looked upon giving up gambling as the holy grail.
I can do it,I've got to believe.

Last Friday a moment of weakness- amazingly I managed to find another small bookie whom I'd never heard of that allowed bank transfers.
A small losing bet - chased and turned into a large loss.
I've had many painful losses in the past,but this one really hurt like no other.
A night out I'd been looking forward to for ages turned into a nightmare spent chasing.
I excluded that night,destroyed my debit card and vowed never to have any spare cash available ever again.

I'd been holding onto an available overdraft to pay for a course I wanted to go on in September.
That's now out the window.
I've got to deal with this problem,break the triangle.
I can't have any spare cash.

An ante post wager I put on 3 weeks ago came good today,I collected the winnings from a bookies I'm excluded from and paid a bill straight away before the devil in my head has time to whisper sweet nothings.

A small victory,I feel proud of myself.
Total barriers in place,I mean business now
A day at a time is all I can do,day 5 tomorrow.

well done albert im on day 5 tomorrow to thanks for your post and good luck

Another mini failure,a drunken wager put on by a friend on sat.
Seemed innocent at the time,but is it ever?
Day 3,-just read gary 1976 diary,I do aspire the day when I don't count says,worry about debt etc,peace of mind.

Feeling positive,I know there's a lot of things in my mind I need to change.
I can only do this a day at a time,barriers will help but I need more effort.
Just for today I shall not gamble.

You definitely need to get serious.

You still are gambling, which means you still have ways and means. You need to block them immediately. Why weren't they blocked in the first place, is the first question you have to ask yourself.

I kept a few accounts open at first, with strict limits on them, just for the odd occasion when I thought, I might fancy a gamble, on something I wasn't addicted to, like a special horse race. But all it does is lead to temptation to break limits and go for it (slots in my case). I realised that if I was to get anywhere I needed to stop fooling myself and start to get serious about it.

One plus in all of this, is that you have been honest and admitted to having relasped (not failed) and are trying again, rather than just disappearing and saying nothing.

Come on, you know you can do it.

Thanks for the post Steve. Yep another failure to go with the long list.
Been on this forum for 5 years,went to ga back in 2000.
Never been able to quit this addiction,something always pulls me back.
I've got to believe I'm making progress.
The one good thing after every little loss I exclude permanently,I don't believe there is anyone more excluded than myself,no debit/credit card.
A friend put my wager on the other day,he now knows I have a problem,and sadly I've deleted his number from my phone just in case.
I'm fully committed to abstaining from now on.I lay in bed thinking of ways to block;stop myself,I transfer the bill money into my partners account and have limited funds now available.

I'm good at all the practical things;just need to start changing my mindset.

Day 4, a positive day.
Fully concentrated at work,stress free happy - the real me.
I worked out I've only gambled on 7 occasions the past 6 weeks,eliminate and fight those urges and I will get there,especially now all avenues to gamble are closed.

I worked out a realistic budget to be debt free by may next year,I get married in august next year.
I realise the money and debt is a small part of dealing with this addiction - I want peace of mind,I don't ever want to spiral out of control again.

Gambling has hurt me enough;time to fight back.

Hi Albert
I've just read your diary and really hope this time you can stick to recovery.
I know as much as any on this site of the passion and determination to stop gambling after a heavy session /loss, to want to stop gambling and after the rawness wears off, to start the downward spiral again. One thing to remember is as a CG, we are so devious and however and whatever systems we have put in place, we will find way's around them to allow us to gamble again, in your situation you've done it by proxy, in my situation, I've done it by manipulation and exploiting my husband's vulnerability. Whatever and however we do it we know we are doing wrong but our devious minds are telling us to carry on anyway. I believe I have excluded from every online site but another new site always pops up that I can join, in my case excluding isn't enough, what I need is to stop the access in the first place and I now have net nanny on my phone and k9 on my pc. This is the only site I can access with the word "gambling" in it. I also have Internet access blocked after midnight till 8am and all devices close down during these hours. I'm self excluded from all land based casino's in the UK for a minimum of 5 years which is the standard time. All my family are aware of my problem and are totally supporting both myself and my husband to cope with me. Because I have a good memory for numbers I generally only need to read a sequence of numbers once and I can remember that sequence, my wages are now paid into my husband's account of which now I have no knowledge of his card or account details. It's embarrassing and hard but it's what I/we have to do to maintain our standard of living, I will continue to look for ways to get around these blocks, I'm a CG, but so far this month they are working (at last)...
A counsellor once told me gambling is a myth, there's no fact in winning. How right she was..
Cross examine all your strategies and try and work out how you could by pass them and then work out what else need to do to block all access. Mostly Albert, you will only stop if you really want to, I've kidded myself into thinking I wanted to stop in the past but the intention wasn't really there.
Keep onwards and upwards and promise yourself each day that you will not gamble.
Best wishes
Rosie x