This has to be the end

You are doing really well, Paul, over 2 weeks now, well done.

Sending you positive and strong thoughts my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Good morning diary, slept pretty badly, for some reason i cant seem to stop adding figures up all the time in my head, the seven year losses, the amount of disposable income i have as of today to the penny (yet a roulette spinning wheel with one click could take £500), the predicated future savings/income i will have at end of one month, two months, the end of the year, next year, age 66 and so on. Just can't stop these thoughts ........................ has the addication damaged me mentally forever ? .............. Paul

Hi Paul

addiction can damage you for ever..but only if you let it....forgetting major losses is the toughest part of recovery and our age plays a part in how we come to terms with it, it's undoubtedly easier the younger you are..I'm 54 years young worked all my life and as a self employed person will have to probably work till I drop...I choose to forget about the pounds lost,and celebrate the pennies saved because every penny saved is put to good use..gambling can keep the funds I've gifted it over the years..traded for a happier stress free existence.

I'm lucky I have no loans so i can watch my bank balance recover..but am I gonna do what I've done in the past..that's build up my pot for more chasing..HELL NO.

at the moment I'm healthy, content and certainly wiser and of course I contemplate the future, but only as far ahead as my next family holiday in May..i live for today..choosing not to worry about a retirement I might never reach and if and when i get there I'm sure my pennies saved will go a lot further than i imagine...this philosophy works for me..how we cope with gambling addiction is in my opinion 'bespoke' so my outlook on the past and present may differ greatly from yours or others, that's the great thing about this place....please stay safe and keep traveling..onwards and upwards...Ginger

Morning Paul,

Ginger is soo right, the addiction can damage us for ever if we let it, we have the choice to draw a line on it and move on, we maybe deeply wounded but we are not destroyed.

Sending you positive and strong thoughts to have a good gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Diary, I am still living ...................... thanks to everyone who has offered me support on my diary (especially Suzanne), its now 16 days since I decided to quit the gambling craze in my life, I have to say while at work i have had time to have a few laughs this week, so I guess that is progress, the re-alisation that no-one is knocking on my door for money and I have no threatening letters through the post box, has made me re-alise I am in a better position than some. (I really feel for you all who are in a worse position than me - so tough to take), so I have some positivety in my life a little. One day at a time, I feel a liitle better, still Aldi not M&S (but to be fair it was never M&S). Keep remembering Paul - Money Time Location, take one away and you cannot gamble - REMEMBER. - catch you tomorrow diary - Paul

Paul has had a few laughs this week, I would definitely say positive progress .

Be very proud of your 16 days and keep going onwards and forwards, ( who ever did do a main shop at M&S not me, didn't do any food at M&S lol).

Keep going my friend slowly but surely it is the only way we win.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne, for your post, means a lot. The week-end is here, lets hope I keep it together for me and my girlfriends future. Gambling free since 31.3.15, missing it mm a little........................... the buzz .............................. but i now know having stepped back for 17 days there is somewhat of a life out there for me without that spinning wheel, it will be a gamble free week-end for me , lets hope it is for all who visit and post on here in the next 48 hours. Catch u monday.

Just popping in to wish you a good and safe gambling free weekend Paul,

Stay strong

Suzanne xxx

Morning diary, 21 days ago my life changed forever, gambling of seven years trying to chase losses and repair damage, cultimating in a life changing loss of £K15 in one night, no gambling since then, the many emotions and mental anguish is with me, we all feel these, life is now ...................................... different not happy but different .......................... thoughts on the road to recovery anyone ?

Keeping one step ahead, taking one day at a time, staying focused and determined, and enjoy your recovery journey Paul, it's different every day, but it is the only way we win and with you on 3 whole weeks of winning, you are changing your life around.

Well done Paul.

Suzanne xxx

Hey Paul, have bumped you up from page 200 ( only joking lol)

Thanks for your lovely post, but hey where is your update, whether you feel cxxp or good it's good to vent,

Anyway how are you my friend?? That took hard work lol, the ??? Because I don't even normally put commas, full stops, or capital letters in lol.

Take care and stay safe.

Suzanne xxx

i let you down suzanne, i let you all down, i let myself down, so badly last night, lost an awful amount just trying to make a month's spending money, started with the fotb's, then my last on-line account (closed at 11.56 last nite), why could i not accept you lose sometimes (noticed i said could), it has to be the end now. Please please please don't let me find a way to gamble again, now finally self-excluded from every bookies 6 mile radius, no on-line accounts left. The urge just got me yesterday as I began to run out of ready cash, quick trip to the bookies a months spending (in the end 2 years spending lost) nearly nearly broke now, I haven't learnt in seven years how to stop, but I am finally running out of places to bet. I am not asking for sympathy or help, for I know its me and only me who has f....d up his life, and its only me who can rectify it. Sorry to everyone who posted on my threads, I feel such a failure. - Paul

You're back so you haven't giving up which is the most important step in this war! Until you draw a line under your losses you will never be able to move forwards! I've been there, most of us have...Don't have quite enough money to get through the month so we go & chuck away what we do have & lo, we make it through the month anyway! The only person you have let down is you, we are not here to judge, we are just fellow soldiers walking alongside you on this journey!

Welcome back Paul 🙂 Chin up & fight - ODAAT

Paul you have not let me down, as long as you keep fighting you are not letting yourself down.

What would you have done if you had won yesterday, would you have sighed a big relief, and said great that's it now, no you would not have, you are a CG just like me and others on here, you would have burnt that out and then added more of your own money, this chasing losses is a big cooking illusion Paul, the addiction just wants us to play and play and play, it's not about winning, it's about getting the FIX like a drug my friend.

That triangle has to be 100% Paul, total blockage, total commitment, you cannot have any tiny outlet whatsoever,

We will never win this war but we can win every battle, You can do this, please don't wait until you do get into debt.

Remember the ullusion about winning money, think of it as a fix, and who the hell needs a fix to misery, you don't anymore.

As always walking along side with you.

Suzanne xxx

Hi all we don't let anybody down because we have a illneess, and we have to come to terms with it. I have not gamble since 2004 with all the support in here we will all work together to help each other

I attend Ga every week without fail Take one day at the time just leave any question you like I wil try my best to Answer your back