This is it before I self destruct!!!

Hello Diary!

Well, its now February and I still despise gambling and everything about it. I am still heavily laden with guilt, shame and everything that goes with gambling - theres no fun in it, cannot believe the websites c**P. Happy with my brain for keeping the rational side of it shouting over the irrational side that wants to tell me to keep gambling. I am not complacent in the slightest, I know within a moment of weakness i WILL go back to my stupid ways - up until stupid O clock chasing losses, constantantly lying, trying to find the money to pay the rest of the bills....I am never going back to that hell!

I am so rude not to be checking on others diaries, who have helped me so much I cannot write it down - will update soon!! Been busy getting my life back, I remember in the not-to-far-back early days I was on here constantly to help block out gambling, break the habit so-to-speak. But I have been filling my time getting fit again and working so the gaps are now filled and thought of gambling have faded too.

Moneywise things are still c**P, life wont get better until April still but I am happy that there are no gambling transactions on my bank statement this month! Will get there, I might be skint still but at least I am not gambling!!!!

Mel xx

Dont look back only forwards; our futures are made of the right decisions made today.

Glad you're busy with life on a higher volume than the daft gambling tunes we used to let play. They are muted for us both now and keeping busy with other things is definitely a good thing.

I have also enjoyed seeing no gambling transactions in the recent bank statement I know what you mean. Feels good!!

Keep at it

Clare xx

Hi Mel, congratulations of 39 days of winning 🙂

Don't worry about not posting, I am sure I am speaking for us all when I say your recovery is far more important than anything else so never feel pressure from any if 'us'! It's great to hear you being so strong 🙂 I too am finding my anger is keeping me resolute but remain on guard...Its quite a comforting place to be despite the shame!

Keep doing what you are doing but if you can, drop in occasionally to let us know you're still going strong! Keep up the great work - ODAAT

Hi Mel

Hope you're still doing well and life's good. Let us know how you're getting on when you get chance.

Clare xx

Hi Diary,

Long time no update! But checking my counter and I'm 1 day over my half century! Yey! = happy!

Still hating gambling, still skint but had a lovely weekend away with family. Starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel now...but I so pleased to report no gambling thoughts at all. I'm not sure what constitutes the 'honeymoon' phase of recovery but I guess the longer time passes the easier it becomes to believe that you are 'cured' and can handle a little gamble and not get hooked in again - not me though at the moment. Even though the thought of gambling still repulses me, I have made some life changes which has filled the void gambling left and I am never going back!!!!

chao for now diary! And to all of you who have supported me - it's such a comfort to know you are here for me! Thankyou from the very bottom of my heart <3

Mel xxx

Well done on living life and sticking two fingers up to the gambling ! Proud of us too 🙂

Really pleased you're still stopped and we will do this together, I know it !!

Clare xx

Hi Diary,

70 days on and still despise gambling = happy mel!

Looking forward to my century milestone xxx

29 days and you will be joining me in the century club hehe!

Thanx for dropping by my diary. Hope things are going well for you and life is much better nowadays. Well done on staying stopped and on the right path.

Pleased as ever you're still four days behind !

Clarexx

Wow 75 days = 3/4 way there to a century!!!

Happy Mel

Congrats on your 75% of a century !

Clare xx

Hey Mel.

Wondering how you're getting on.

I'm back.

Im on day TWO ! Hope you're doing better than me and hope to hear from you soon

Clare x

Hi Clare xxx

I am so sorry that you have had a bad time - i have not read your updates yet but i will catch up, been a tough time, me and OH have separated so i have been busy sorting things out xx will get there though! xx

Speak soon,

Mel xxx

Hey Mel.

Just stumbled across this post of yours. Hadn't read it until now. So sorry to hear the news of yourself and OH. Wonder how you're getting on. Drop by my diary when you next log in here and we can catch up. I'm running the 2015 challenge now ! Keeps me motivated and using the site. Should help me and others stay on track with a united goal.

Hope you're well.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Clare xx