good morning all,
So this is day one.
Looking back I've had a gambling problem all my life. I remember being on family holidays aged about 7 or 8 being in the amusement arcades. My mum gave me 50p to play the machines and 50p to pass to my sister. That was my first act of gambling shame. I lost my 50p pretty quickly then my sisters 50p soon followed. If only it had stopped at 50p!
I quickly progressed to arcades where I live then bookies. I then moved onto casinos and, for as long as I can remember, I've been in heavy debt and gambled compulsively.
I did manage exactly 400 days clean in 2011 and this was without any proper support.
I'm not really sure why I relapsed but I did in spectacular style. Over the last 4 years it's been Fobt. I think it's the escapism element as its all consuming and I've had a tough few years at work.
I'm now in a real make or break situation. I'm in my early 40s, still in debt with a brilliant partner who only knows half the story.
I'm self excluding from the local bookies today and have arranged my first counselling session for Thursday. Will keep everyone informed. Hopefully this is the time to make the permanent change.
Good luck. I'm similar to you slots was my thing, I say was I'm only on day 6! My low points, and there have been many we're spinning 20 quid a go online then one spin of 50 quid! That was 4 weeks ago. My last spin on the fobt was last Tuesday when I lost 250 quid but more importantly time with my little boy. This isn't for me now it's for him and my wife.
​thanks for your message heyyo. I'm truly sick of the madness. Amazingly I still have a partner who has grand plans for us to buy a house together and start a family. It seems a bloody long way away atm. I'm really scared of dragging her down with me if I don't change for good.
Oh well. Day one successfully navigated. Still feeling very shakey but at least iv made a start
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Hi,
Try and relax and take things one day at a time. Those days will begin to mount up and your own resolve will get stronger. You have made the decision and made the start. Well done.
Best wishes
Thanks balvaird. Day two done. Got first counselling session tonight. Scary stuff!!
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Good morning.
Thank you for the diary post and I hope the counselling went well. Yep it can be scary but we are there to be helped as we all want to rid ourselves of this horrible addiction. That is why we shouldn't complicate things any more than is needed
Have a fab gamble free day.
Best wishes
Aaaargghh. Major false start. Lasted two days then lost control. Pathetic. Badly times stressful day at workat work and not enough barriers on place. No major
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....damage done. Been clean since saturday so this is now day 3. Need to get my barriers on place
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Keep it going dessie. You can do it, I'm the same as you on the fobts. Problem is even if you won last time out you'd be back there today or tomorrow in the same circle. I'm only just getting to grips myself but what I don't miss is the constant thoughts of gambling. First week in god knows how long I've spent less than 100 quid, long may iy continue. Good luck
Day 5 complete. Getting stronger by the day
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Day 7 complete
​got a good foothold. Onwards and upwards. Will post more soon
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Hi dessieboy, nearly called you desire boy with the predictive text! Ha-ha!! I know you had similar issues with predictive text so we are of similar personality types already. Thanks for your post on my diary, it is so encouraging even after all the non gambling days to get a message. We are all the same, all equal on here, all only one bet away from disaster. Well done to your 400 days even though it was a few years ago, it will stand to you. It seems that in order to quit for good, we have to deal with the issues that made us gamble in the first place. It is only recently that I can see how I avoided all confrontations and went into zombie mode gambling as a way to escape. I didn't have many friends and I didn't have any hobbies. Gambling was my friend and my hobby until it escalated. I still don't have many friends as you cut yourself off in the secret world of gambling. Now I know that I actually like my own company, I like silence and I don't have to be in a zombie mode to relax! So I am slowly but surely figuring out why I needed to mindlessly gamble. I have to stay working on this as it seems to make the difference between returning to gambling or not. Those first few weeks are raw and the urges are intense so come on here and write how you feel. Take care, Suzy
Hi, i managed around 18months gamble free. However, just a month ago lost 6g in an afternoon... Fobts are awful... What they do isnt normal... Seriously terrible invention.
Thanks for posting
derv - it sounds like we're very similar. I was just about to reply to Suzy when I saw your post. I think the key thing is that you can abstain for so long like we both did. However Im sure I was a ticking timebomb cos I was doing it on willpower alone. I now believe you will inevitably relapse if you don't treat the underlying issues. This time I'm trying to do that so I've signed up to face to face counselling via gam care and have had my first two sessions. My counsellor says she's finding me very interesting to work with. Not sure what I should read into that!!!!!
Oh well day 9 drawing to a close and it's been the toughest one yet. Oh well can soon get to bed and tomorrow's another day.
Take care everyone
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