Time to change

Another day gamble free. It's this time of day I get the most tired. I feel like i'm living in the wrong part of the world and this should be my bed time. Come 8 a clock i'm wide awake again. I'm not giving in and having a snooze because I won't sleep tonight. I think being lazy is another addiction of mine, I'm very quick to take the easy option and succumb to what feels good. When it comes to gambling a big loss always has a bigger impact than a big win. In the end it will never feel good.

Don't stop when you're tired, stop when you're done.

I'm starting to feel more myself again. More in control. I bought my friend a soft drink with the last of the change in my pocket. It's wasn't a big gesture but It's nice to give, even just a little. When i'm not gambling i'm not selfish. We disscused my situation. He told me about his flat mate who raked up 45K of gambling debt without having a job. His parents are helping him out but I told him to tell him i'm willing to talk if he needs some extra support. It's mad how many lives this addiction affects. Most of their stories we will never know.

You are the hero of your own story

Welcome back I remember reading you diary previously and too a lot from it, it can't be easy to come back but you've got a lot of knowledge you can use and learn from the mistakes you made.

I had a similar experience as you had with your friends flat mate. I was out last night playing pool and all the guys know of my situation one of them came and asked me if I was still going to meetings which I am, anyhow his son has got into a bit of a mess as us CG's do I gave him my number and I've just got of the phone from him and his son and he has said he will join me at my next meeting. If I wasn't open and honest he would not of come to me for help, I've taken loads out of our half hour chat and I hope he comes through next week and turns up.

KTF

Honesty is the best policy. Everyone close to me knows of my infliction. I've told a few people about my lastest slip and I do feel guilty. I've learnt a lot from the past and I managed to stop the rot before everything came crashing down again. I'm confident that I won't be gambling again anytime soon (hopefully ever.) The trick is not to get complacent. It's doesn't matter how much time you have away from gambling, if you're a CG and start the ball rolling it won't be long before it bites you in the a**e again and again. I'm looking forward to a stress free weekend.

A little progress each day adds up to big results.

My addictive personality is prevalent in eveything I do and don't do.

I've spend most of the morning playing on a football chairman game. Getting lost in it, just tapping buttons. It's like i'm trying to escape from doing anything else. I know i should be spending my day more productively but I don't. Last night I went to a party, I wasn't drinking alcohol but got hyped on fizzy drinks and sweets, another addiction always comes along to relpace the vice i've dropped. I've also struggled with drugs, s*x and smoking in the past.

On a plus note I am swimming everyday. I wish my mindset could be steady but i'm an all or nothing guy. Same when I was gambling. Putting £5 down did nothing for me. £500 that's what go me sweating. It's a different kind of sweat, a sweat I don't want to sweat again. I'm going for a walk then having a tidy up!

Once you see results it becomes an addiction

The gambaling sweats I remember them well. The smell of fear I believe?

I can relate to the above post really well.
Gambaling is a pretty good route for escaping. And its not uncommon when you stop you still try to find a way to escape.
Sounds like that's what you're getting from the game.
I think you need to ask yourself what are you trying to escape from?

Like yourself I'm an all or nothing guy to. It didn't fair well for me being that way with gambaling.
The fight or flight was stuck in fight mode. Never knowing when to run.

Kudos on the swimming though it's good to replace old habits with healthy ones. Especially one's that don't cost us our sanity

All the best
And of course
Keep fighting

8 days of no gambling. 8 has always been a 'lucky' number for me. Mr infinity

I would always bet on 8 & 11 when playing roulette. They would always be stacked! I would also cover all the 30s, 0-4, 23. then other numbers would float in and out of significance. So today is a good day because i'm not gambling. There is no significances in a game of chance. I need to concentrate on the things I can control.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

-

Still here. No gambling today

Do good work and continue to do good work

It's been a long day. I'm tired and under the weather. Had a few thoughts about gambling jumping around inside my brain but I pushed them away again. 10 days in now, it seems longer than that for some reason. I can already see that i'm not putting as much into my posts. I guess that's inevitable and me all over. I will keep visiting the site everyday though, to keep the disorder I have fresh in my mind.

I won't quit on quitting

Hi Westsider

Thank you so much for popping over to my diary, my goodness the addictive personality thing you talk about above so resonate with me. Im starting to wonder if I'm addicted to addiction? I think I've been an addict of one kind or another most of my life, from lollipops to the usual smoking, drinking ( not so much now) men even, one bad relationship after another and a multitude of other things, but gambling has done the most destruction... mentally, physically and financially, it's the one that sneaked up on me and fooled me into believing it was my friend, my escape, my saviour when in fact it was just the entrance to a deep dark pit of self loathing & despair. I do not want to go back there..... these forums are helping me massively, I hope you can keep posting, keep safe, just for one day....Don't think about tomorrow.

M x

The only feelings i've had about gambling in the last few days are how pointless it is.

Feeling a bit under the weather but stronger than ever in my recovery

Strength is a matter of a made up mind.

Monday again. I had a boozy weekend with the lads. It was a lot of fun. The only testing moment was when they decided to venture into a casino for a bit. I know it's probably not a good idea to enter a gambling den whilst i'm in recovering but I didn't want to be left by myself. Everyone knows I have a problem and I managed to stay strong. I didn't gamble a single penny.

It's strange watching everybody else. This casino was not a happy place, apart from the occasional cheers everyone looked miserable. A couple of my mates got lucky, the vast majority didn't. If I'm strong enough to go into a casino and not gamble, then I'm strong enough to beat this addiction for good. 16days gamble free and counting

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Hi FIrstly you was very brave going in the casino, casinos was never my thing mine was online slots and I have blocks in place even though I don't ever want to play them again it's good that I have those in place. Keep being positive and strong and I hope you can remain gf this time. Take care x

I watched an interesting video I found on a thread here last night.

It was about the nature of addiction and how it seems to manifest in people that are less connected to the people around them. I almost always gambled alone and when occupied and happy I rarely had any about betting at all. I know I can't always be with people but I am making more of an effort to share my days and reinforce the connections I have with people. Today I will not gamble.

One thing leads to another, everything is connected.