Time to change

I have returned to resurrect my thread. Things haven't been too bad since I last posted. I was cruising along gamble free, then my phone died (It had lasted over 5 years) So I decided to invest in a smart phone.

The day after I bought the phone, I had downloaded a poker app. I've been playing on and off for the last month. Thinking things were under control. I nearly lost a lot of money last month but managed to turn things around with some lucky river cards winning me a tidy profit. (I say profit in the scheme of things it's never a profit.) I then lost a relatively small hand with pocket aces and promised myself I wouldn't gamble again till Cheltenham.

I caved in about a week ago and won another 70 quid. Then within two days blew £400. It would have been more but I exceeded the 24 hour betting restriction. So I've been two days gamble free. I'm definitely not going to Cheltenham now & I'm going to start posting again on here.

I'm glad things didn't decent into utter madness. I still have more than enough money left this month, I just got got complacent, thinking I could stay in control. I can't and I have stopped AGAIN.

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.

Had a good day so far. I don't want to gamble. I feel in control. I've always felt in control when I'm not gambling. Life is too short to be wasting my time and wasting my money chasing misery. I do realise the seriousness my situation and my mental health problem and I'm up for the fight.

Throw roses into the abyss and say; 'here is my thanks to the monster who didn't succeed in swallowing me alive.'

I had a few pangs of compulsion earlier but they were soon nullified by posting on here. It's a good way of keeping busy and a powerful reminder that gambling is not for me.

I have the day off work. These days were dangerous in the past. Too much spare time on my hands. I'm going to spend the afternoon with a friends and spend my money on something worth while, not pain & anguish.

In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.

Westsider

Fella great to see you using the forum to build your resolve, recovery really is about making a choice for life, it is about learning from our mistakes and ensuring we don't repeat them.

Great to read your day off today was forefilled and you spent your hard earnt rather than waste it.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

I've had a couple of good day. You don't really need much money to have a good time. When I look back on all the gambling it seems like madness. Even reading my diary a few years ago. I can't believe that I kept on going. Hopefully my story will have a happy ending. I'm predicting that it will.

I was suppose to be at Cheltenham today. Crazy I know and I would have happened, if I hadn't gone off the rails last week. I would have been betting large amounts and only telling my friends about it, if I won. Gambling made me shady. I want to stay in the light.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

It's been a busy few days. I swear time gets faster as you get older. I'm still gamble free & still determined to stay that way.

I've tried to be a little more generous with my cash, letting people off little debts and buying friends drinks. It's nice to be able to use the little money I have to make people smile.

I need to manage life a little better. Getting up earlier would be a good start. I'm challenging my self to scribe some early morning post on here next week. I feel like I need to make up for lost time.

We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.

yes sounds like me westsider

when im gambling friends family dont get treated or even respected half the time

know im early days but hope i don't forget this lesson thanks

I've been up since 5 and I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I find staring into a computer screen helps wake me up. Coffee is pretty good too.

It's crazy how many forms of gambling are out there. I went to a quiz the other night and got a pang of guilt. I've since told myself that quiz's are OK. Obviously I'm not going to be trailblazing around the country looking to take part in as many quizzes as possible; now and again is fine.

I refuse to take part in raffles!! That's where I draw the line.

I have a lot of hope in my heart at the moment. I'm in a good place. Sport is my gambling replacement. I'm going to get fitter, faster, stronger.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

Morning West S

Thanks for your post, appreciated ! great to see your getting stronger and i am the same as you , wake up early sometimes trying to keep occupied ! not always easy, this forum is great to take you away from those thoughts ! keep it up, we are on the right road !

Dark Place /

I was up at the *** of dawn this morning. Although it's difficult at first, I love getting up early. Then having a swim to wake me up. I feel like I've been splashed in the face with cold water and have finally come to my senses about this gambling malarkey.

Although I've been thinking about gambling quite a lot; I haven't been thinking that I want to gamble. I talk about my escapades with friends and I have some pretty messed up stories. I can't been dealing with the roller-coaster ride any more because it makes me feel sick.

When it comes to crazy gambling. I've got the T-Shirt. I sold the bloody T-shirt and put the money on RED

Enough is enough. I need to keep reiterating this point to myself, so it sets in. Don't go back. Thou shalt not gamble.

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

I've been pretty tired all day but keeping myself busy. I haven't been sleeping very well & having some trippy dreams. I have definitely had some dreams about gambling in the last week. So it's still floating up there in my mind.

I was talking to my friend about mortgage and maybe getting a house one day. It's a distant dream! Then I got a few thoughts of well maybe I could win money on a scratch card or the lottery's not a bad shout.

The stupid thing is if I hadn't gambled and been a little bit shrewd with my spending . I would easily have enough money to get a mortgage. I don't even know if I want that kind of commitment but having the option would have been nice. It's not about living in the past & I've got some fun things to look forward to.

I got myself into this mess because I wanted more. would more really make me that much happier. When does wanting more end. I think I think to much. I'm off to mediate, that's free.

& I'm gamble free

The best things in life are free.

I've had a few bursts of anger today. I haven't lashed out. I'm just a bit angry at myself and wondering why I'm in this position. Am I genetically pre-destined to be a compulsive gambler. Is there a switch. Is it something to do with my past. I guess I'll never know for sure. All I know is I don't want a gamblers life any more. (writing has actually helped dissipate the anger.) I'm going to play some tennis in a minutes, smashing balls is good therapy.

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

sort of like asking can we overcome cancer

sure we can but is it gone forever can it come back?

today i'm gambling and cancer free

todays a good day

yesterday I helped a friend out, fitting windows and doors. I was with him for 12 hours and I only asked for £20. He gave me £40. That money is going towards necessities like food and petrol and maybe a few little treats.

I will not throw my money down the drain, gambling. I will not waste my time hurting my self and people that care about me.

One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.

nice truth westsider

enjoy your day with kindness in your heart

thanks westsider