Time to change

Hi Westsider

It's interesting when we get a perspective of money and how we cherish it. and yet whilst in action we think nothing of spending everything we have and more. It is a madness that no one else could understand. Glad you are moving along in your recovery just keep it simple is my motto!

Take care

Hi there Westsider,

I have read some of your posts today and I am amazed at your perseverance and determination to beat the addiction, which shows great will power. I also loved your inspirational quotes and writing and I think you have had a very positive influence on other members.

As you are back almost a year later, reporting that: “ I'm just a bit angry at myself and wondering why I'm in this position”, I am taking the liberty of offering a piece of advice as I believe that you would benefit from counselling that could help you develop your self-awareness as well as offer you one-to-one support. I am saying that because despite the overall positive and optimistic approach you demonstrate through your posts, I noted some statements that indicate that perhaps the problem is in your core beliefs. Here some examples of the things you said that I would encourage you to reflect upon:

“just to prove to myself once and for all I was always destined to fail.”

“I can't keep anything up. I'm destined to mess up. Can't learn from my mistakes. Just history repeating its self. I have no strength. I have nothing.”

“Am I genetically pre-destined to be a compulsive gambler?”

“When I have money I have to spend it or waste it.”

These are ideas that are possibly driving your behaviour and counselling can help you replace them with positive and helpful ones that would be in line with your determination to change. We can offer you face to face counselling to help you with your gambling addiction. There is also counselling offered by organisations like MIND or your GP may refer you to a service. Think about it and get in touch with GamCare on our freephone 0808 8020 133. We're open from 8am until midnight, 7 days a week. Alternatively, you can use the Netline:

http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline

All the best,

Ana

I'm going to take Gamcare up on there offer of counselling. I've done it in the past and in a strange way found it quite enjoyable. There are definitely still a few flaws to iron out of my personality, but I believe I'm getting closer to the person I want to be. And excepting the help of other is very important.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.

So I've just had a nice chat with a lady at Gamcare and at this present time I don't think I need counselling. It's not that I'm cured, I will aways be a compulsive gambler. I just think I'm strong enough at the moment to sort my own problems out and abstain. The phone call helped me to figure out my triggers. They are boredom, financial difficulties and my competitive nature.

I have plenty of projects to prevent me from getting bored. I won't be in financial difficulties for too much longer if I stop gambling and I'm channelling my competitive nature into sport. I'm not complacent. There will be challenges ahead but today I will not gamble.

The secret to having everything you want out of life is the realization that you really don't want most of the things you think you want.

funny reading those two posts together westsider

one saying you'll accept help and the other saying you don't need it

tomorrow you might be open to it again

keep an open mind and enjoy today

keep sharing triangle

Thanks for the post on my diary. Make sure this diary continues and don't slip up mate. Get as many blocks in place and beat this illness. I like you have slipped up in the past, but I'm determined this time that it will be for good. Will follow your diary and look forward to you hitting some targets. Good luck mate.

Hi Westsider. I have just read through your diary and enjoyed your inspirational quotes. I am at the start of my recovery and I hope that I will be able to use a few of your experiences as a blueprint for my abstinence. Keep up the good work mate : )

Downunder

So i'm back on here. The forum has changed quite alot over the last few years but the stories are much the same.

I've managed to abstain from gambling for over 2 years. in that time I've travelled the world, I have a job I enjoy and a loving family. i'm really close to paying all of my debt off, debt I would never of had if I wasn't a compulsive Gambler. A few weeks ago my car got locked in a multi story car park and I was stuck for the night. I tried to check into a hotel but there were no rooms. The receptionist told me that there was a casino near by open 24 hours. Out of bordem and annoyance with the situation I decided to have a flutter because as I saw it 'I was down on my luck.' I managed to win a 100 pounds, got a taxi home and felt pretty pleased with myself. Since then the urge to gamble has been growing. I've played a game of poker and bought a ticket for the euromillions lottery. I signed up to a online website today but did not deposit any money. I've come back to here to remind myself of the past and shut down this mini laspse before it ends in tears AGAIN.

It's not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us

It was coming. The inveitable. The pain. The confusion. The why am I wired this way?

I've been doing so well, with all my adictions. But I've gradually let my grip slip. The last few days have been awful!! It basically started again two months ago as I explained in my last post. I managed to beat away the cravings for a good month or so but ending up playing the 2p machines on brighton pier for some unknown reason. (does anybody ever cash out? They seem so poinless, I guess the aim is to escape) Anyway I lost a couple of quid. To cut a long stories short things escalated very quickly to £300 bets on the spin of a roulette wheel. Somehow by the skin of my teeth I manged to not lose everything. I then go back into the world of online poker, like nothing had happened. I won some money then like a mug, lost it all and more as soon as it hit my bank account. My lastest loss was as soom as I woke up this morning, even though I spend most of last night reading this forum. So I've put k9 on my laptop and I'm commiting myself to this diary again and helping other people who suffer with the same affliction as me. My finacal situation is recoverable but I have to stop now and this time for good! Once again it is time to change.

Do not just slay your demons, dissect them and find what they've been feeding on.

I'm feeling a little calmer today. Still rolling the last few days loses across my mind. The money is gone, I don't know why I dwell on it. I'm going to make it through today so when the clock strike midnight I can say I've had my first full day gamble free. Here's to the future

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Welcome back westsider.

It's a good idea to let go of the losses. Put them down as a bad investment and move forward.

Tomorrow is the start of a blank 365 page book. Write a good one
Deano

So i'm nearly 2days gamble free. I had a great new years celebration. I'm feeling pretty jaded and need some sleep. I'll try and write in this diary everyday, even if it's just a few sentences.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

I've started back at work today & count my blessings that I've got a job I like.

It does get you thinking about all the time i've wasted working for nothing. Just to feed this addiction. I won 300 in a second the other day. In fact I did it multiple times in my last binge. Smiling to myself thinking it's all too easy. (I can't acutally watch though, when the ball starts to spin.) The next day I'm as cool as cucumber without a worry in the world. Then inevitably my luck changes. I feel crushed. It's the only thing I can think about. I fantasise about winning it back. One £500 spin and i'm up again. Just one more spin. I forget the past, the pain, the debt, I don't believe It can go wrong until it does. Thats why I will not be gambling today because It always goes bad, eventually. It could take months or just one spin of a roulette wheel but I will f*** up again in the end.

I'm not going to waste the hours of my life I spend working. I'm not going to waste my time in order to gain more pain. I'm not going to gamble.

What will mess you up most in the life is the picture in your head of how it's suppose to be.

It's been an okay day. I except that the first few weeks in my recovery will be the hardest. I get the occasonal thoughts of grandeur but bat them alway. I had a walk as the sunset and took in all the colours of dusk. We live in a beautiful world, wasting our days in front of a screen in a casino or some dingy bookies is not natural. There is so much more to see and explore. I can do so much with my life if I stay gamble free.

You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

Hi westsider thank ks for dropping by my diary.

That winning smile you mentioned in the above post I know all to well. Makes us God's amongst men. Soon wiped away by the inevitable chucking the money back from where it came.
For a long time I wanted to lose more than anything just so I could go back to being me. Or who ever I thought I was.
I considered myself to be a pretty good slot player. I would say over 90 percent of the time I could chase the money back and more.
But winning wasn't enough for me I just wanted the buzz to never end. If I knew I was short on time I would move over to the big boy's and start chucking my winnings down there throats. Sometimes playing 3 simultaneously. I pretty much knew everytime I gambled I wasn't walking away with anything. I was just paying to escape for a few hours.
That same escape followed me into scratch cards. If I were scratching I wasn't thinking.
It took me a while to look back and think what am I running from.
I'm still not sure now.
Gambaling was presented as normal to me as a child. All those I hold close to me did it. In fact the ones that are left still do.
I just crossed the point of no return.

Moving on from what you said about the online site's.
When people ask questions I usually go looking for answers
And one I came across was the terms and conditions of these online site's.

What I found was almost all site's have a condition that when you sign up. If you leave there allowed to sell your information to competitors. That imo kills of any we are here to help nonsense they spout.
What I find is if you use blocking software. Don't self exclude just get someone to change the password. And order yourself a new bank card having someone scratch the cvv code off the back this will be most effective.
That way you can't gamble online
And they won't sell your details to other companies. Because they still believe you to be active.
And they won't sell good money
The bonus is you won't be flooded with emails from multiple parasites offering free bonuses if you sign up. Then just block there domain and you won't get any at all.
I've rambled on a bit here lol
Have a good week bud and happy new year to you also
Deano