Time to take control

Welcome BW ☺

Great to see you starting a diary and let me welcome you to the journey to better life.

Keep making the right choice daily and most importantly remember - you're not alone!
You can achieve absolutely anything if you set your heart and commitment to it!

Here is to the future free from gambling!

SJB ☺

Hi SJ

Thankyou very much. I am putting everything into making this change. I don't ever want to feel like this again. Going to take one day at a time.

Woke up this morning and for a moment I forget about the gambling and I'm at peace... just for a moment. .... then the knots start in my stomach and the anxiety and guilt kicks in..... is this just me? ..... For that one moment in the morning I almost feel normal, like I used to be. Waking up not a care in the world.

Hey. .yes it's normal love..
But by getting a glimpse of that lovely feeling of not thinking about gambling......you've had a taste of how good it feels...so build on it love. ...hourly if need be....youll find the good feelings start to last longer. ...the bad feelings and urges...less and less....it won't happen overnight love....but it will happen the longer time goes on...
You can do this....
You're doing it...
Just keep doing it xx

Yes, in my experience, this is 100% normal.

How long you experience these feelings is actually upto you as you are the one creating them. The really hard bit is learning to forgive yourself and not beating yourself up the whole time. Yes, face up to what you have done and the consequences, but not by being sad the whole time. I still struggle with this some days but holding onto the guilt and self loathing only prolongs the experience.

Good luck

Thanks loxxie and muststop

I know I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I was feeling so positive yesterday and today I just feel weak. Not weak to gamble just mentally. I need to try and get over what I have done. But when I feel a bit better i feel like I shouldn't and I deserve to feel like this. I don't think I'll ever gamble again even if I really wanted to I feel like this is a massive lesson to be learnt. I just think back to all them deposits and I'm so disgusted. Thanks for replying.

So today I feel terrible. Cryed on the way to work. Thinking about the mess I have created for myself. I have no urge to gamble, wish id never started. I have nothing but this pain to show for it. I just keep thinking why? Why did I do this? If I'd lost on my first bet would I have stopped? Why didn't I tell someone when I was depositing too much. Did I not think there would be no concequences? What was I thinking? I know I need to stop all this but I don't know how to feel better. Even if I never gamble again im not sure I'll be able to forgive myself for starting in the first place.

Hi BW...

Take it easy. Ride these emotions out, of course you will have them.
Most importantly, you are here and g free! Little by little you can find strength to forgive yourself.

Balance of thoughts. Find that balance and start drawing positives from negatives. There are many.

You're doing fantastically well..dont beat yourself over the past - look ahead, brighter future awaits ☺

Here with you

S&B xx

So after a not so great start today. I can add atleast another day gamble free. I can NEVER gamble again. I am giving 100 percent to my recovery. Didnt realise but Tomorrow will be 30 days GF. This site has helped me so much. Thankyou all.

Also thankyou so much for your kind words today SJ!

I know iv mentioned this before but the waking up in the morning in a usual peaceful mind ... then remembering the gambling and immediately feeling the anxiety creep in . Again. Not sure how long that is going to last. But it's the worst part of my day getting that small glimpse of how I used to feel before gambling.

Feeling like I have been very stupid and immature throwing money around as if I had it all. As if I had money to waste. Sickens me still. I think I still feel mainly like this due to the fact I still haven't told my partner.
But ill have to this week. Feel like it's going to be the worst time of my life. How selfish is that. If I was to be given a second chance, which is very very doubtful. I will never throw that away. I know this is what people say. But I do believe in myself that I would be the biggest idiot to even spend 1 penny on gambling as it will get me nothing! Cause me nothing but pain. I can never feel like this again. It's not healthy. I never thought I could even feel this low. But here's to 30 days gamble free.

Hoping in a few weeks my diary will be a more positive one!

Here's a thought, and it might NOT be a good idea, but you could consider showing your partner your online diary. It may help him understand what you've done, what you're going through, and your plans to deal with it. However, read all your posts very carefully before you do - you don't want to make things worse.

Do bear in mind that it's critical that your relationship remains on level terms after you tell him - you mustn't feel permanently beholden or 'owe him' because, although he is entitled to feel surprised and upset, and he is, it's all about quickly getting together and calmly talking through all the issues you have, for example, your mum.

This might be an opportunity to clear the air once and for all; and with both of you supporting each other could be the springboard to happier times you both deserve.

Thanks for replying mixer.

I feel we have so many unresolved issues. Alot Due to me hiding away and gambling isntead of facing and dealing with issues I didn't want to deal with. Now iv stopped gambling I'm faced with all of this and the terrible situation iv got myself in. I'm so disappointed in myself.

All I can think about this morning, is slots! Aaahh. I'm not going to give in as gambling is actually ruining my life so I won't let myself down. I just don't understand why I feel the need to play pointless games! Watching a reel spin? Why Is it so appealing. Day 31. NOT GOING TO GAMBLE.