Time to take control

51 days!

53 days.
Had a dream about gambling online. I woke up in a panic and felt sick thinking noooo Iv done it again!

The relief that it was a dream just shows how I'd feel if I was to give in. Well not today!

54 days GF.

Still feeling the urges but just remember that this will never bring me happiness. Only bad will come from this. And the disappointment I'd feel for myself would be unbearable. Keeping myself busy. Trying to focus on other things and organise myself and my head.

Iv become obsessed with saving money. A good thing I suppose. But completely the opposite of what iv been doing previous and throwing away my hard earned money! Crazy. Just happy I realised I had a problem so soon. And when gambling I'm completely out of control. I'm lucky the realisation hit me and I'm 100% comitted to never falling back into this horrific addiction. The emotional and mental torture iv put myself through is just awful. But every day I don't gamble I'm winning and I just need to stay strong.

55 days free from the torture of gambling. Free from the stress of spinning reels wondering whether I will win my money back. Then when I do, trying to win more, losing it all then trying to chase back to that first win. It's mentally and emotionally draining.

56 days!

59 days!

61 days since I last gambled.
Been very busy with work. Off for a few days next week. I'm not spending time with family at Christmas so I am very worried boredom will take over and ill be back gambling. I know I have to stay strong. Not letting go of that 61 days. No way.

Hi BW,

Was worried about you as didn't see you around for a while.

Glad to read all is well and you're on the straight and narrow ☺

Very Merry Christmas to you lovely, have a peaceful and calm time.

YOU're WORTH IT!!!

Remember & never forget this!

S&B xx

Hey BW look how far you've come. Keep busy, come on here. Keep fighting! Enjoy your Christmas!

Thankyou so much guys.

Well after a pretty horrible Christmas personally.

I finally confessed to my mother. Who was amazing and never judged me at all. Even though really wanted to give up this morning and gamble my way through the day.

But iv resisted and now 65 days still gamble free!

I’m just starting my diary but yours has been a big help already. I have the same self loathing etc and think that the guilt might go if I could win it back ...i’m almost lucky though I lost so much I never can. Just wanted to say well done for telling your mother .hopefully a huge weight off your shoulders and well done for getting so far gamble free. Hopefully the guilt will ease now you know your family aren’t judging you x

Hi BW..

Really missed you on chats. ..hope you're feeling well and found a lil peace within yourself.

Good to read you told your Mum. Massive step forward! Be very proud as it's definitely not easy.

Drop us a line with an update how you're getting on and hope to "speak" to you soon.

S&B xx

Thanks RS I'm glad my diary has been of some help to you, I have struggled alot with the guilt and self loathing, I did feel a small weight being lifted after speaking to my mother. We will never win back any amount we have spent in gambling, stay strong and stay focused, wish you the best of luck in your recovery.

SJ I haven't been on chat alot due to timings but haven't posted on my diary due to not really knowing what to say. I'm not in a very good place at the moment and the guilt from gambling previously is just adding to the pressure. Im feeling terrible but I'm still gamble free thank goodness! I do believe I have learned my lesson with gambling. Even though I will probably always have that urge to escape there I can't allow myself to do that to myself. I'm young and I don't want that life. Thankyou as always for all of your support. I will try to pop into chat when I can. Really appreciate you checking in.

Bw

70 days down gamble free.

Despite the most uncontrollable urges I have had over the past week. I have not given I'm I have fought against th and kept myself busy. Still unsure as to how iv even managed to not relapse. Gambling seems to be my go to when I want to escape, and I've not been having a great time. But I'm staying strong for myself. Maybe it's because I know it will only be a temporary fix and make me feel even worse. Anyway, proud of myself for not giving up.

Here's to a gamble free 2018.

Bw

So after months of anxiety and depression amongst alot of issues. Everyone knows how I felt about opening up to anyone, most of all my partner. Well I finally did it, although upset he has actually been amazing. I can't thank you all enough this has been eating at me. To be honest it still is . Im not sure I'm going to get over the guilt but I'm certainly over the gambling! 74 days and the rest of my life to go!