Today I realised I am a compulsive gambler,
I may not have the urge to gamble every minute of every day but what I do do is repeat a damaging pattern of gambling, I will go through emotional turmoil in my head and chase back losses. When I win I block my accounts and say never again. I always go back, I always think well a small bet now wont be an issue, but it is, who am i kidding. I cant handle losing a fiver, I'll always bet to get it back.
I may go months without gambling but I always always always repeat the cycle. As I ultimately don't stay away I cant be said to be a casual gambler, I always go back to online automated BJ because I get hooked on the quick wins and then lose it all. I am a Compulsive Gambler. Compulsive doesn't mean every day of every week, it means that I repeat a pattern that I know to be destructive.
I will defeat this pattern. I am 28, I have my whole life ahead of me, I have losts £000's since i started gambling at 12 - I never allow myself to win big so what is the point of gambling at all. Fear of missing out i imagine as my friends like to bet, difference is they have more self control. I get hooked on easy money.
Writing this is making me feel better - I lost £300 the other day and im thinking i should get it back, as if I am destined to win it back. Maybe I am but maybe Im not and knowing myself, if i lose another £300 I will bet £600 to get it back and so on and so forth, I don't do gradually rebuilding funds, I have to have instant repayment which means instant doubling of loss. Its a drain on my life, on my happiness and funilly I always tend to relapse to gambling when i feel s**t generally. I need to improve my life and get rid of this demon. I've always gambled within my means, not that that excuses the losses but I fear one day I will lose all I have. I don't want that, I don't want that at all. So today is day 2 of gamble free for life.
The thrill of a win lasts for a glimmer of time, the hurt and shame of losing lasts for so much longer. Its not worth it, im better than this, I will curb my desire for a quick buck.
Great story mate. I know exactly how you feel. I'm on day three of my withdrawal and already feel better for it. Stay strong brother there is light at the end of the tunnel
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