to the future

Hey new future

The first time I posted on my diary was after being gamble free for 16 days!! I am now in my 13th month of not gambling, minus a few hours where I did.

Use this yr diary and this forum for advice, support and guidance and hopefully, this will help to build up your confidence to remain gamble free.

Good luck and take care.

Feb.

Thanks for the reply Feb 2013.

No real gambling thoughts no funds anyway ive a long hard road ahead of me but I have to try harder if I want a brighter future no more shortcuts have to put the effort in now and get the foundations right.

When im gambling I cant concentrate on normal life at all every aspect of my life suffers I only get some rest and peace when ive no where else to turn for money. But then i do it all again when things just seem to be picking up its a viscious circle im like a dog chasing its tale. See whats happens but im hoping keeping a diary can help me to stay focused and break the cycle of this madness.

Hi Matey

If you really are serious about giving up gambling maybe you should think about contacting Netline and get some practical tips on how to stay stopped. Post and read all you can and stay away from that first bet

Take care

Thanks Julie and Smiler.

Ive lost over a 100k hard to take but you just block it out but you lose so much more you lose yourself, friends your dignity you lose out on so many life experiences promotions etc etc.

As my name suggests I want to try and change this I want to clear up the mess I find myself in I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and hold my head up high I want to be able to trust myself again instead of changing my mind at the sight of the first bookies and my plan to pay bills and do shopping etc goes out the window and I go into the bookies just for a look and within an hour or two im cleaned out again wondering how did that just happen again feeling sick.

Nice to be able to get my thoughts down here glad I started a diary .

Hi Matey

Trying to clear up the mess is tricky. Maybe accepting what has gone might be a way of dealing with it. You have gambled stacks of money and it has gone, not coming back at all. It is part of you and hopefully the new you will build a new character based on this foundation. You need to be more careful as you now understand that cash is not good on your person unless for a specific reason. Get self excluded and it will help

Take care

Thanks Smiler really appreciate your advice and support.

Going to be a quiet weekend as no funds but at least my heads not working overtime which it does when I have funds. Have to try and get a plan now and get into a good routine get my blocks ready for when Im vulnerable.

I have become use to failing slip after slip promising never to do it again and meaning it 100% at the time but I eventually say sure il have a we flutter and then as use all know it goes horribly wrong.

Soul destroying I wouldnt wish this addiction on anyone when Im in action I must look like a headcase running around the bookies chasing my tail Im sure the cashiers behind the counter must be thinking hello hello what have we got here they know what we have here its a compulsive gambler we stick out like a sore thumb.

Ive tried everything to try and control it buts its impossible I have no discipline whatsoever and can not accept my losses to be down £100 and still have 2k on you but chase that £100 until you havent got the price of a loaf bread is madness and I can see that but I cant see it at the time and I tried so hard to train my mind to not chase but I cant im a cg thats one thing im sure of.

So time for a plan and hopefully a new future as they say if you cant beat them join them.

Nothing much to say just thought I would check in to try and get into a good routine and habit I know I cant have a better future unless I change things so change I will.

Hi New future

I can identify with running round the bookies like a luny tune! The cashiers would tell me if I had any money to come back as I had bets running everywhere and the roulette spinning to its hearts content. I would shake if I wasn't on anything. I would despise being in there when they would ask me to leave at the end of the night, I would load the roulette up to try and lose. Insanity to the Nth degree. I liked losing is all I can surmise from past experiences. Not any more! I have learned to like myself more than I did and posses some self worth today. Keep battling my friend you are worth it

Take care

Just realised when I said last thursday when I started my diary I was on day 16 it was actually day 13 just shows me where my head is at its all over the place. So todays day 18 so much work ahead of me Im trying to be patient and to stay as composed as I can and try and be positive still pretty hard to be positive but I put a brave face on but inside im hurting but if I could get it right now the future will be brighter.

No answers or solutions in the bookies!!

Day 19

Its going to take a while to clear up my mess in the mean time have to try and stay calm, focused, disciplined and keep as upbeat as possible under the circumstances.

No answers or solutions in the bookies

Day 20

Day 25

Been really really busy this last few days im trying really hard and thats all I can do. Dont want to gamble at the moment but I know how quickly that can change.

Trying to be positive just because i f ucked things up dosent mean anyone else should suffer my mess and I will clear it up.

Day 28

Watched a programme last night ross kemp in las vegas and although it was interesting it was sad and depressing to see so much homelessness and poverty and addiction. The side of las vegas that is usually covered up their was literally people living in storm drains under the casinos and the strip. Casinos making 40 million a day 15 billion a year. Highest suicide rate in america in las vegas.

Gambling isnt fun for a compulsive gambler every bet we place is very very dangerous wish I never had a weakness for gambling but thats life.

Today i choose to try and live a healthier life free from gambling its my only hope

Well done on the 28 days and thanks for the post in my diary, great points and well made.

I won't be joining a Forum about gambling, I have no wish to discusss bets and tips and the like with others, that would be to the detriment of my recovery.

Being able to go into a bookies and watch races without gambling on them is a major achievement for me and a significant part of my recovery. I never used to understand another user ex-gambler Jeff a few years ago who was able to do this. I do now. It played a major part in his recovery and I am now following suit. ( as an aside it's worth trawling through to find Jeffs diary, also ANL and Russ1. Those diaries will add a lot more value to you than any of the current ones. )

I do however appreciate what you say and I agree your compromise that I will refrain from posting about my visits to the bookies on diaries other than my own.

Couple of further points to bear in mind:

1. People post on here about being able to watch sport for fun. I can't. I could view that as a trigger for me to watch sport and gamble on it. I don't. Furthermore there are gambling adverts aplenty on TV, media, online etc which I'd say are far greater triggers for someone trying to stop gambling than a few words from me.

2. Recovery is bespoke to the individual. Please look after yourself and do what is best for you. Do not be led like a sheep into a flock by users on here who preach that there is only one way of recovery and that that way is signing up to their view of the world and their cult. These users may partly want to help others but they partly just want to stroke their own ego and add to their group of followers and feel a greater level of self-importance. They will also proclaim how much better life is without gambling. In some cases that will be true. In others they convince themselves that their existence is better when really whilst the negative parts of a gambling life are great to be rid of, the pursuits which replace the highs cannot take one to the high they once experienced. We do however have to learn to live without the highs.

Best wishes and glad you got in touch and you have my continued support.