Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Hi mate don't be to hard on yourself about smoking you can take everything away at once. I am similar to you I give up then start again. I have started vape which seems to work for me and is a lot cheaper, although I'm aware it doesn't work for everyone. Have a good day mate 100 gf days approaching.

Thanks John, I just love a smoke mate but hate the expense and smell. One habbit at a time eh?!

Even though you are low you have retained a sense of humour - you made me laugh. Fantastic achievement and nearly st a century! Keep going. X

DAY 97

thanks everyone for their kind support, I really appreciate it and Annie, yes I have a great sense of humour even in my darkest hours, don't know what I would do without it.

Okay thoughts for today, I have no urges to gamble, I see myself as a recovering ex gambler now and long may that continue.

My thoughts are with someone I truly love today. I can appreciate they are having a hard time, I'd just like them to know that they don't have to shut themselves off, I would like to help, even if it is to just give them someone to talk to who will listen. I think of this person all the time, they mean the world to me and they will get through what they are currently going through, things will get better. When you believe in someone and they are everything in your heart, you can't give up on them, you need to stick by them and offer them support where you can. I have been in dark places too many times and it is in those times you realise who loves you and who will always be there for you.

I'm feeling better this week the weekend really did help me. Saw the paramedic (my friend) yesterday, he was so proud of me for abstaining for 96 days (yesterday). He asked me the reasons for remaining so strong, and I just said to him that I had hope and I had a motivation, without these I probably couldn't do it. Got my repeat perscription for another few months so won't need to go back for a while. Looking forward to Friday and reaching 100 days.

Ellie the guinea pig seems to be back to normal after her operation, she didn't show any signs of pain or discomfort and certainly wasn't put off her food. The two of them were burried away amongst their hay this morning, trying to keep warm so I didn't see them first thing like I normally wood. I love these furry critters, they are a joy to return home to. If my place didn't have them it would be unbearably quiet and I am grateful to have them, they get you through.

I'm trying to remain positive, I feel without gambling I am returning to my previous self, someone very thoughtful, kind and giving. I have to give to others, that is my motivation to wake up and be kind to people.

For everyone that has supported me and continues to check in on me, I'd like to say thank you, I really appreciate it and all of us together will continue to fight this. We didn't ask for this life, we didn't ask for this illness or addiction, we just have to live with it the best we can and try our best not to give in to temptation, and to try and live as normal a life as we can.

Have a great day everyone because we deserve to be happy, we are all the strongest people I know.

Hi Wilsy,

Thank you for your post and encouragement. I especially have held on to "Everyday we don't gamble we improve ourselves mentally, physically and financially", solid constructive reinforcement and I will be repeating it to myself as I change my mindset. Thank you for that.

97 days!! Brilliant. Your diary is a good read, lots of useful stuff and shared insights. You say how removing the gambling destruction from your life has enabled you to become more the person you are; kind, considerate and caring who wants to help people and finds great purpose in helping others....

They are powerful codes of living and I applaud you for being 'there' for people when they need support. The world needs more people who hold those values and that is for sure!

I'm still very much concentrating on me at the moment, I need too, I need every strength I can muster to break my connection to gambling and the hell it makes for me. I hope to help and support others more once I am stronger.

I'm just posting here to say thank you to you for adding support and light to people's darkness, actions have power and messages of encouragement mean so much and I wish you all the best.

Finally, you are definitely right, reformed ex compulsive gamblers must be some of the strongest group of people for sure! I intend to be one of them.

Best

GRIP

Hi Wilsy,

Thanks for your support mate, you are doing fantastically well keep going mate.. i think we will all have good days and bad days its a case of just riding out the bad days without giving in to the devil. Stay stong mate

Harry

Hi Wilsy, fantastic to read such much positivity, and with good reason - 'go team Wilsy'. Well done you. X

Hey Wilsy,

Glad the guinea pigs are good and keeping you company. 100 days soon yeeeee. Your a great guy remember that. Dont be a stranger, get in touch mate

DAY 98,

thank you DITH2016, Harry, Annie and Daley for your posts, you made me all feel so worthy and thought about, I really do appreciate it.

Two days away from the big tonne. What has got me so far this time well I believe it was because I felt I was on my last legs. It was the gambling or me and if the gambling had won, I honestly think I would either be dead, in hospital or out of work. The last eight months since my relationship ended with my love, I have really, really struggled. I have had issues with not eating, not sleeping, not being able to move or go out, I've cut myself off from everyone, I've had difficulties at work but somehow I manage to just about keep my head above water. I believe I am a fighter, I've also been told by so many people that I am and anyone with an addiction or mental illness or any other condition, are such warriors and brave people. If we don't fight we give up and I've been so close to giving up!

I am feeling a bit happier today, still don't want to do much work but I'm here, I'm out of bed, I am dressed and I am earning.

I've got nothing else to report, I just have to try and remain positive and hopeful. I'm lonely but that won't be forever.

What an achievement. Well done. you are indeed a warrior! X

Hi Wilsy, well done on you achievement so far!

​Keep believing in yourself and don't give up, everyone is here to support you.

DAY 99 (I should be given 99 red balloons today).

Annie and Jayden thank you for your posts, make me feel all warm inside.

I have woken up absolutely shattered this morning. Was supposed to get up early enough to shave as I've been slack and only shave once a week now but just couldn't shift my a**e! My radiator fell off the wall Sunday night and I have knackered the pipes, there was a big water puddle on the floor this morning and the plumber isn't coming until Tuesday so I better tell my landlord as I don't know how bad the water leak is.

I am waffling on this morning, no urges or desire to gamble at all, I'm going to reach a 100 days tomorrow and I am so pleased about that.

Nothing else to mention today, just want the month's end to arrive so I get paid again and reduce my debts further. I feel I am wishing my life away somewhat, staying in and just wanting to pay things off, i suppose that isn't such a bad thing, bloody bored though ha ha!

Hi Wilsy,

Might not have access to PC tomorrow, so going to post a day early and say huge congratulations on the 100! Great to see how far you've come, and how much support you've given others. Your last sentence rings 100% true to me ... I feel like I'm wishing my life away as well and feeling bored, but at the moment I'm still at the stage of being happy to get through every day. All the best and well done again. Rich

Thanks Rich.

Yes I just go to work, earn and want the month to end so I can pay some more debts, I'm just impatient and want to be in a better position financial position NOW! Wouldn't it be great to not have to work but still get paid, I'd love a months salary once a week, wish I was a bloody footballer! haha!

Cheers Rich.

Thanks for the post on my diary Wilsy.

I'm the same as you, very impatient, want to be debt free asap. We're on the right track, that's all we can do!

99 days, congrats! Treat yourself to a nice beer on the 100!