Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

DAY 103

thanks S&B and Sars.

Today I feel like complete s**t! Won't go into reasons but anxiety was at a max over the weekend and I feel stupid and drained.

No gambling urges just not overly talkative and am just going to try and get through the day.

We all have days like that Wilsy. Hope you feel more uppish soon.

Big well deserved well done on your century!

Best wishes,

Markman

Hi Wilsy

Congrats on reaching 100 days, a great inspiration for the rest of us. Well done.

Shaun

Thanks Markman and Sha999, gambling isn't a problem anymore it's everything else! lol

Wilsy,

A belated congratulations on 100 days.

That's a great acheivement, you should be really proud of yourself.

DAY 104

thanks KST

I have a very confused head this morning, sick with anxiety and can't sleep or focus on my work.

My guards are up as I don't want to relapse or turn to gambling during this emotional time. I just wish some people would treat me back with the same kindness that I give them, it isn't much to ask.

This is my diary and I use my diary to release my thoughts, i can't go and speak to my family and friends.

I just wish some people would treat me back with the same kindness that I give them, it isn't much to ask.

Sadly I think thats just how some people are. Its not personal, although I'm sure it feels that way. Maybe they have their own demons to deal with.

You seem a very generous and decent person, and I'm sure your supportive comments on people diaries are appreciated by others as much as myself.

I can't offer much help on the anxiety front. Would CBT help ?

I have no experience of it, but I know it works for some people.

I know it sounds selfish, but I'd put your own needs first before others.

Hi KST,

thank you, just so heart breaking and hard to comprehend why people do it, it's really effecting me.

So sorry to read you are feeling low and anxious Wilsy, hope you find some peace - I find walking helps me when I am very low. Well done on reaching 100 days, and also well done on recognising that you may be a little vulnerable at the moment so putting guards up. Take care x

DAY 105

thank you Annie.

Happy Valentines day to everyone. I'm feeling at an all time low today, riddled with anxiety it's embarrassing, haven't been able to tone it down yet, just stuck at my desk unable to concentrate on anything and am knackered as not sleeping properly. Apart from being on top of my gambling and doing well, my personal life is a mess and I am just not coping very well. Feel very lonely and isolated right now. Parents have been great supporting me with this but I can't and won't talk to them or friends about what is upsetting me at present. I just want to feel relaxed and happy again, patience I am not very good at but I need to learn how to be more patient and not stress so much or stress others, about learning I suppose, very hard.

Anyway for another day I have no interest in wagering another penny, this is an area in my life that I am on top of and will remain on top of.

Well done Wilsy mate, you should be proud of yourself!

Thanks Jayden I am mate, determined.

Hi Wilsy

Thank you for the post ☺

I hope your day progressed in a little more positive way and you are looking after yourself! It's good to put thoughts down on these pages, better out than in huh!

Stay safe & look after your welbeing

S&B xx

Well done for keeping posting despite feeling low. Would counselling - maybe not gamble related help to talk through what's upsetting you. Take care and we'll done on your continued journey. X

Day 106
Thanks s&b and annie I've had numerous counselling helps to talk but no good afterwards still struggle to deal with anxiety and depression. My anxiety has been awful last few days so much so it's embarrassing. I'm missing someone and want to help them but they won't accept my help that makes me even worse hopefully they'll know I've offered and tried my best. This morning had a power cut so no electric shower a cold rinse for me not the best of starts. Stay strong everyone x