Uphill struggle

I don't think decent people who use this forum would have a go at you. Have you heard of Step Change? It is a charity that helps people pay off their debts at an affordable rate per month proportionatally to each creditor so the creditor you owe the most to gets the most. If you can't afford to pay off a lot each month that's not a problem - it'll just take longer to clear your debts but no more phone calls, letters etc and a monthly statement from Step Change.

Regarding gambling - I believe and this is just my view that you have to make a 100 per cent commitment from day one not to gamble. My philosophy is to take it one day at a time which makes it more realistic. I still feel I'm in my early days but life really does get better. Whatever it takes - blocking, self-exclusion, counselling, Gamblers Anonymous - it is your journey. I wish you all the best and will follow your progress. Best wishes, Phil

Thanks samephil.
I've contacted step change. There were problems with it but I'll have to ring them again. I can't carry on like this.
It's just my debts will never get paid because I have so little money left.
They recommend I sell my house because it's got some collateral.

Hi LML. I can feel your worries and anxiety over debt, bills and everything. I know it clouds over our emotions causing sleepless nights and irrational thinking with negativity and despair. But you must keep in mind that others have been in a similar position to yourself and have come through it. You can find the strength and belief to survive. We cannot always make the outcome perfect, but if we have to sell assets or employ debt management in order to progress, then whatever-will-be-will-be. Sometimes things happen for a reason. What's more important is your wellbeing, then gradually you will gain control and each day will become a little bit brighter.

Hi sorry your feeling so low, no one is going to judge you but you will have to put the blocks in place and people do turn things around from being so low. I would get some advice about selling the house before you make any decision about selling. If you have to pay private rent for another house you could end up paying more then your mortgage. Sending you a cyber hug and hope that you can stay gf X

It's a difficult situation to be in Little miss lost, I'm in a not too dissimilar situation myself minus any collateral - which strangely probably makes owning nothing easier because I have nothing to lose.

You know what needs to be done but seem to feel helpless with the debt and gambling provides the escape and pseudo-solution that keeps dragging you back. Like gambling has you dancing the recovery hokey-cokey.

Gambling is the appealing short-cut but the only way to progress is to sort something out long-term.

Don't sell yorself short Little miss lost.

If you can get a second and third opinions about the debt from people who know about such matters, know all your options then mull over and commit to something you are comfortable with.

Still seem to worry too much about what other people think for my liking, which makes me worry it puts you off posting. Your contribution counts and is very relatable. Unfortunately others will come here in your situation, you can pave the way for them.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." - Frederick Douglass.

That's real and worth remembering.

Thanks change my life and anon for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
Once again glint you reach me at a time when things seem bleak and come up with a quote which hits the mark - thank you.
The latest news is I've had a terrible week. One night at 1am I spent a freezing hour outside in my car talking to the samaritans.( I did not want my daughter to overhear me.) Over the course of the week I thought I'd lost all of my £2000 overdraft gambling. The next night when I forced myself to look at my bank statement (withdrawals shame) I realised I had a couple of hundred left so promptly lost that as well - total and utter madness!!!
Follow that with self-hatred, despair, soul searching and a phone call to stepchange who, let's just say, can't help me unless I do something I don't want to do.
Follow that by running around like a headless chicken for my family and Christmas, constantly thinking I'll confess to my children whilst I'm with them then deciding It's for the best that I don't.
Follow that by hours pondering what to do next regarding debt.
Ring my bank. They were very kind. Gave me a short term reprieve on loan payment. Have to take it. Not quite sure what the future holds. Debt collectors?
I'm hoping it will bring peace of mind.
Only way is to stop the gambling and sort my finances.
I will best this addiction. I'm starting again. Building myself up.
I can do this. I have stopped for months before. This time it's got to be for good.
Seasons greetings everyone xx

Hey LML,

This sounds all too familiar. The pressure you are are feeling from the financial issues can be paralysing. But there are solutions and these are only temporary problems.

Like you said, the only way to solve this entire headache is to stop gambling. The fact you are here is a great sign, you clearly want to stop. That determination and desire will take you a long way. It has to come from within, but remember there are a lot of people here that are willing to support you with advice and encouragement. The support this forum offered me all those years ago played a massive part in my (ongoing) recovery.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

I am an online slot addict. I am 22 days free, but still dream of slots, can't look at bank statements as if I know I have money I panic. I dread payday,? I have purchased a lockable tin and am now removing money ..for two reasons really, as an emergency backup and also to feel and see the money , it's therapeutic and brings value to it. When we gamble online it doesn't feel like real money just numbers.. until we see the damage on our statements. My husband said to me today, you must have some money in that tin, he just expects me to have nothing as I used to always cry poverty..spare cash what's that?. This is a perfect time for us to stop. 2017 looms and we hold the key to our own destiny. I know I never want to feel panic like this again

Breaking that cycle is the hardest thing of all, Katiecoo. It makes us ill with worry and panic, then we somehow survive until the next time it happens. I live by the one day at a time mantra and have done for the last few years, since I first visited this forum. It's helped a lot, because I've learned to keep this addiction in the forefront of my mind. I know I can only win by not playing. I wish you and Em and everyone else here the very best, stick with it. We can do this.

Yes you can Little miss lost!

Want to be reading how well you are doing and how far you have come this time next year.

24/12/17 - I'll be here.

Make it happen.

Merry Christmas.

Seasons greetings everyone!
This evening just goes to show the pull for the online slots is very strong in my brain.
I am very fortunate to be blessed with a wonderful family and I have had a lovely day.
I have now come home to a quiet house and my head has stopped thinking about the fab day I have had but has started to visualise the turning of the online slot reels in my imagination.
I'm asking myself why and all I can think of is it's because I have time on my own and also because I just love the thrill of seeing 3 bonus's come up!
I've now got to go one step further and think of the feeling of despair it gives you when you lose - which I inevitably do!!
I've come on here and seen the kind posts on my account.
Glint - it would be wonderful to 'make it happen' in 2017.
So for now I've got to say "go away hurtful spinning reels.all you have given me is misery and pain.
This urge will pass. I will not falter.

Good wishes to one and all. x

I share your fight. I am keeping my lowest moment at the forefront of my mind and I made a promise. I won't let those slots make a liar out of me

Hi LML,

Thanks for stopping by on my diary. We certainly share the same addiction, thoughts etc. I am also up to my ears in debt, loans, credit cards but i am now caught up in payday loans = hell, bascially. I loath gambling sites and i feel physically sick at the thought of depositing any money to these parasite websites. But i still have the urges to just think, sod it, one bet might sort me out....i have fallen for that too many times now but my addicted brain just will not accept the truth - as in, i will lose!!!

Lets see 2017 gf and rebuilding our lives, i have started to read again...something i havent done for years!

Choose life!! xxxx

Thanks for your post Mel.
I certainly wouldn't wish this addiction on my worse enemy.
Last year at this time I was in a really bad place mentally through gambling.
I've had an off and on year with it but I've completely lost the plot on a couple of occasions this year which has cost me thousands.
Now I've ended up in an even worse place than this time last year although mentally I seem to have become more resigned to the fact that I'm up the Creek without a paddle when it comes to my debts.
I miss playing the slots, the excitement of waiting for a bonus to come up but I have to keep reminding myself that even if I get the bonus I never end up winning and I always end up in despair.
Here's to a gamble free and stressful new year x

Hi LML

Thank you so much for posting in my diary, it never ceases to amaze me how much support is offered by others on these forums, and I know that it's this support that is helping me stay true to myself...Getting my head around the debt is proving difficult, I know exactly how you feel, it can be all consuming but giving in to gambling will result in nothing else but further debt, despair and eventually total self destruction. It's time to change..... if nothing changes..Nothing changes!

Thank you once again...I wish you all the very best in your battle and stand proud beside every single person here fighting this awful addiction.

Take Care

M x