Uphill struggle

Hey little Miss.

Just checking all ok with you and you are still striding forward. Not seen you post for a few days - not that that's a crime of course!

Take care and remain strong.

Our Lady.

Hi Our Lady,
Thanks for asking. I'm OK. Still gamble free.
You are observant!! I'm popping in and popping out. To be honest, I'm trying to distance myself a bit from gambling talk.
I've said previously how I'm feeling a bit in limbo. I'm getting a bit conscious of the fact that any spare time I'm reminding myself of gambling if that makes sense even if it is through coming on this site.
Don't get me wrong gamcare still plays a major role in me staying gf but instead of reading all the posts I'm trying to get back into books again.
I used to enjoy a good novel but for the last few months I haven't read any.
I want to stay informed and support people but it's amazing how time consuming it can be!
I guess I'm doing what I feel I should do right now. I really want to get back to a life without every spare minute thinking about gambling and this feels like a step forward.
Keep going everyone - onward and upward! X

Hi Little Miss.

Thanks for your post on my diary. I totally understand what you mean when you talk about coming on here all the time, brings gambling to the forefront of your mind. I feel the same, especially as I did not give it much thought at all for over two and a half years. At the minute however, I would rather it remain there, just until my mind is fully settled again and I know that my "sensible head" is firmly fixed back onto my strong shoulders once more.

Just a thought and, something which I did when I was doing well when last on here. Instead of posting on a daily basis and recording "day 20" etc, I then started to post only on a weekly basis "week 20" etc. I would also, only then read other diaries once per week I would also then "check in" on the thread challenges. Doing this, allowed me the time to "get on" with the rest of my "gamble free" life so to speak. Hope this helps but I am aware that each recovery journey is down to personal choice and need at the time.

Take care and do whatever is best for you.

Our Lady

So, a couple of things to report this week.
Was going on a rare night out and thought I'm sick of wearing the same clothes I'm going to get myself something new to wear.
Walking into the shop it hit me that I never would have done this a few months ago. I haven't much money in my account but I felt I could spend some of it on a new outfit because I know I'll have enough left to get me by to the end of the month. I know what my bank balance is and can keep a track now I don't gamble.
Secondly, I went out for a celebration meal with my family and I didn't choose one of the cheaper options like I usually do.
Once again that funny feeling came over me as I consciously realised what I was doing.
I happily invited my friends round and had a great evening and am planning a get together for when the weather picks up.
All because my head is in a better place.
Don't get me wrong it's not been easy, I have still occasionally done demo spins on one of the slots, I know this is wrong and I will try to stop but this is sooo much better than all the money I used to throw away.
Reads positive except for the blip at the end. 90 days gamble free,
my sights are set on 100. x

Hi Little miss

Lovely to read that you remain gamble free and are reaping some rewards for this. One of the things I missed, was inviting family/friends areound - being the perfect host and all that! I found myself making excuses which I'm sure people must have thought strange at the time?? Anyway, happy to say that it has now resumed and I am back to doing what I love, which is having people round for food and drinks.

Take care and continue to be kind to yourself and enjoy life.

Our Lady

You're doing great LML...It's good to see you reaping the rewards of remaining GF, we forget the value of money when we gamble & I'm not sure that I'll ever feel comfortable 'spending' money again but as long as I'm not throwing it away on slots I can live with that :).

Keep on doing what you're doing....

Mari x

Thanks Our Lady and Silly, lovely to hear from you and kind of you to comment. We're all in this together.
Walking through work today, feeling good. Head clear, weight lifted off my shoulders, steps lighter, why would I want to gamble and lose this feeling???
I don't want to but I know for a fact that when I get a quiet moment the thoughts are still there so I've got to stay on my guard.
Never want to go back to feeling such despair. I can do this, my life can only get better. . . x

Big well done on the 100 days Little miss lost.

Delighted that you are doing so well. Still work to be done - those demo slots are a worry.

Keep trying to improve.

You deserve all the good you give out to come back to you.

That's a lot of good.

Wishing you all the happiness you deserve

Glint

Huge well done on those 100 days hun. ..keep plodding on..x

Hi

I've just read through the last few pages of your diary. Firstly congratulations on 100 days! You're post about being in a car talking to the Samaritans really hit me. I can remember in the worst days of my addiction wandering into a church and talking to a priest with tears in my eyes because I felt had no one else to turn to. There were times when I was chain smoking cigarettes, hands shaking as I talked down the phone to a helpline.

The problem is I don't remind myself about these situations enough. I've been tuning in and out of this forum for years. I'm sure it's saved me 1000's of pounds but I get complacent, forget the pain and somehow gambling creeps back into my life. I relapsed last week and had a big loss last night. I couldn't sleep. It was like I was punishing myself for no reason. So I’m back here again, reading diaries.

I see a lot of positivity in your posts and you are an inspiration. You've clocked up an impressive amount of entries in your diary and you seem determined to beat this addiction. Congratulations on your achievements do far. I'll be following your progress. Wishing you all the best.

Hey Little Miss.

Just wanted to say a huge congratulations on reaching your 100 day mark. I hope you re going to reward yourself with something really nice!

Take care and continue your great work.

Our Lady

This "I'm not a robot" is really beginning to put me off posting on my diary/other people's diaries! It's getting worse. Frustrated.com!!

100 days little miss!

Welcome to the Century club 🙂

Do something nice for yourself , a wee treat/reward is so deserved!

Wishing you success for the next 100....We can do this 🙂

Take care

Mari x

Congratulations on reaching the 100 day milestone little miss lost is on the way to finding herself enjoy the weekend

Deano

Whoop whoop - I made it 100 days!!!
Heartfelt thanks to all who have posted. I will be in touch soon.
Going on a night out so in a bit of a rush but just wanted to say I'm truly touched by the lovely messages I've received. I know for an absolute fact that without your support I would not have reached 100 days so It makes me happy to be sharing my milestone with you all. Whoop whoop!! Haha! xx