Uphill struggle

Hope you enjoyed that night out..you've earnt it girl...
I'm glad my diary helps...and your welcome to pop in anytime....ask deano about loxfest.....lol
Your doing so well miss...pleasure to watch you fighting the fight. .
Enjoy your weekend .....and smileeeeeee .....life's good x

Well here I am, 100+ days gf.
So what's changed . . .???

Sleeping = like a log!!
Self-worth = improving every day.
Patience = of a saint - well nearly!
Enjoying my family and friends = massively!
Thinking of having a garden party for friends when the weather picks up = definitely!
Feeling back to my former self = 65%
Accepting this is me and use this debilitating addiction to realise I can get stronger. I can empathise with people and just be happy with a life where I'm content with my lot and free from the weights and chains of gambling = oh yes please!!
A year last Christmas my future looked so bleak. I couldn't imagine that I could be happy and feel in control of my life ever again. A couple of slip-ups along the way but now I feel stronger than ever.
My debts are a massive problem but I'm dealing with them the best I can, so I try to put them on the back burner.
My new bank will think I'm crazy because I look at my statement practically every day. Loving not seeing any casino withdrawals and also seeing I have a credit balance. Not much but it's there nonetheless.
Glint, I've not been on a demo for a week or two now and I'm trying my hardest to never go on them again. Small positive changes, step by step, day by day.
One gf day at a time.
Still waking up in the morning loving the feeling that I have lost not one single penny the night before.
Life's looking so much better and I'm enjoying the good vibes that come along with it.
If you're struggling at the moment don't give up. Use all the advice on this site. You can do it because we are all worthy of a better life. With accepting help and putting in a little effort to push ourselves to face our debts and sort them (phone calls are not as bad as you probably imagine) it can be done.
Happiness to all xx

Belated congrats on your 100 LML a massive achievement and one not to be taken for granted or underestimated . Seen so many people on here fail recently it's really good to read a success . And you are that success where others haven't made it you have and you should be proud . Here is to half a year next 🙂

All the best

Thanks Pwm, kind of you to take time out to post. It's really difficult to read when somebody is feeling distraught because they've gambled again. Maybe it's because I know those feelings well and it's not a great place to be in. It's so easy to get sucked back in. I just hope I can keep myself motivated to stay gf. I've got blocks in place but still a little money in current bank account which I'm hoping won't tempt me. I've succeeded up to now
I see you're on 75 days. That's also some achievement. I look forward to congratulating your century soon! Take care and stay strong! Xx

Hi Little Miss.

Firstly, can I just point out that the post above from me, regarding robots, was for my diary. No idea how it appeared on yours too??? It is becoming such a turn off. Just now, it took me at least 15 attempts to go through a series of pictures, just so I could log on here!

Anyway, enough of all that. Again, a huge congratulations on your now 100+ days. This is fantastic! If you want to look at your bank balance every half hour, then go ahead. I do exactly the same! It serves as a great reminder of how not gambling all our money, impacts on how our online bank account looks like. This may pass after a while but for now, if this makes you feel good and remain determined to stay g.f then I think it's a must.

Have a lovely week ahead and look after yourself.

Our Lady.

P.s. It will now probably take me about 25 goes to just try and post this now!!!

Fantastic effort on your 100 days LML.

Stay strong and keep going.

Matt

Thanks Matt, i wish I had your conviction!
I've been doing so well the last week or so. Feeling happy with myself and loving this feeling. Then tonight - boom! Quiet relaxing bath and suddenly my brain switches to stupid mode and starts imagining reels spinning and jackpots appearing.
Oh my, it's quite scarey to know it still has this effect on me.
I won't act upon it. I've talked myself out of it but to know it's still there pulls me down a bit.
I imagine winning. I know the only way I can win is to not start up again so I've come on this site to take my mind off it.
Thanks for listening. We can do this!! x

LML, what a moment for you...100 days of being gamble free...that is some achievement lady.....and you should be really proud of that...

Keep fighting the good fight. Am so pleased for your happiness.

Julie x

Well done Little Miss. Don't be too hard on yourself, thinking that you shouldn't be thinking like that after 100 days. How long did I go remember?!! The important and most positive thing you need to take from this is, that it was still only a thought. This is something that we are all aloud to do!

You are doing fantastic and you will continue to do so.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Our Lady

Little Miss Lost. That little monsters voice is shrinking and shrinking. Remeber the only voice in your head should be if I play I can NEVER WIN. If you don't play you always win.

Keep going you should be proud.

Every single day you tell those urges to pop off is a winning day LML.... you are doing great and the support you give to others (including myself) is to be commended!

Im back on track & fighting fit....Gambling brings us nothing...Life offers us everything, keep making the right choices!

Take care

Mari x

My diary is entitled 'uphill struggle' and to be honest, that's what my life feels like.
I've not played on those blood sucking slots for over 3 months now but I'm still in a bad place.
Hanging over my head are my debts, I know people say don't worry too much about them but at the end of the day they are not going away and they are in my name, they are still debts that I have built up in my blind stupidity.
At the moment the companies have been contacted and they have frozen my accounts but I know they'll come knocking again in a couple of months.
ВЈ20,000 worth of debts over my head and I'm paying a grand total of around ВЈ10 every month towards them. (I do pay £50 to a family member) at that rate I know they will just never get paid.
I'm feeling hopeless and helpless.
I work from 7.30 till 3 (4.15 some days). Granted it's school hours but it's hard work. I had an extra job and did 6 days a week for a couple of years, long enough for me to realise, I don't want it. My quality of life was rubbish. Does that make me lazy?? Then so be it.
Anyway, at the moment I see no debts going down through me stopping gambling and that's demoralising.
At the end of the month, when bills are paid I have very little money, and this is spoken for with birthdays, car mot's, haircut etc.
Yes my debts are not going up, my mental health is much better but each day I still battle with myself, having to convince myself I shouldn't gamble. Why do I still find it so difficult? Others seem to manage.
I just wish I could see my debts going down then maybe I would feel better.
Sorry if I'm all woe is me. It's just one of those days. Wanted to write it down, get it out of my system and move on.
On a positive ending I really am feeling better with not gambling, talking with family and friends is so much more enjoyable and easier. I no longer feel suppressed and weighed down with the burden of guilt caused by gambling.
I'll just go and kick myself up the backside, stop moaning and get on with it. Love to all x

Hello LML,

I can see your a little in turmoil with mixed feelings, I fully understand debt can be crippling and make you feel down or low, as I know from personal experiences, but you have so much to be happy and proud about, you've stopped the very thing that got you into this situation, therefore things can only improve and in time little by little you'll see debts come down, but most importantly your keeping at bay the horrible addiction that caused the debts, you've taken out the root cause and over time everything else will heal, weather that be mindset, debt or anything else that concerns you, you should feel proud and I hope you have a positive future.

All the best, Chris

Hey Little Miss.

We all know that sometimes, life just sucks doesn't it? I just try my best not to even think of my debt (double yours)! However, I am paying a grand total of £110.00 per month back. The only time it mainly comes to mind, is when I receive my statements from Stepchange! I have to just tell myself that as long as I am working, I can still make these payments every month, for as long as it takes. Who knows what might happen in the future? For now though, this is how it is. I mentioned in my diary that I have already worked my finances out for my next payday and discovered that I will be on an extremely tight budget (sister''s birthday celebrations) but I just had to remind myself that at least everything will be paid and up to date. It's so hard and I know exactly where you are coming from.

Both you and me are so fortunate to have such a loving, caring family unit around us and I'm sure like me, you are a very well loved and thought about family member.

Hang on to your last paragraph - your debt is not rising and how much better you are feeling when not gambling.

Thinking of you today. Look after yourself and remember, day at a time - the "hear and now".

Just for today, live for today Little Miss and I really hope it will make you feel better when you climb into bed later.

Thinking of you.

Our Lady

Hi LML totally empathise with your post about debts. That's exactly how I was feeling yesterday. Around 11k in debt and 6 defaults on my account. Paying money each month to family member to repay a debt they lent me to cover my 11k debts and I didn't I gambled it. So paying back money each month for a debt that was purely gamble money. It absolutely kills me. I also have the struggle in my head of do I bother to try and pay back or wait another two years until they are statute barred. They are all credit cards it might be a bad way of thinking but they make millions off people a year they won't miss 11k like I would it's money made out of thin air and not from them to start with anyway! Argh.

Also re. The extra working hours. No that does not make you lazy at all. Although this world seems to be run by money, you need to look after number 1 and your state of mind and happiness comes first before money so focus on you, get what you can afford to the evil banks and try and push thoughts of gambling to cover debts out of head as we know we don't win and pay debts off with it!

Hope you have a good day, ps congrats on 111 days. I'm a very spiritual person and recognise this as an angel number that means 'keep positive as our thoughts manifest instantly into form, focus on your desires and not on fears'. Take this as a sign, (I will too :))

J xxx