Uphill struggle

Oh my, I really am grateful for your lovely messages of support Our Lady and girlJ.
It sounds like we're all in the same boat. People who have not gambled would not understand how we have got into the position we have. Let's face it, I don't understand how I have got into this position!! Can't think too much about it because it ends up making me think ' who the hell am I, what's happened to the person I thought I was??'
Yes Our Lady, we're lucky with our families. I think today's low was caused by my son telling me about a forthcoming happy event. I feel awful and a failure because I would love to help fund this event but have nothing. Can't even go into an overdraft now to look like I can help. Bless him, he's assured me he doesn't need help but it just reminds me of the mess I've got myself into and makes me feel ashamed of myself.
My imagination then runs riot and I end up thinking my whole life has been a catalogue of errors, going through life events in my head and silently beating myself up because of them!!
C'mon loopy lady, stop getting carried away!! but seriously I have to really give myself a good talking to for me to get back on track.
Well after girlJ's post I'm going to go and focus on my desires.
Thanks girlJ, all the above negative thoughts can swing for it. I'm going to continue to keep gf. I am going to feel proud that I am trying my best to improve my life. As long as I do my best I can ask no more.
As I said earlier, we're all in the same boat. As long as we keep wearing our gf life jackets we should be fine!!! Love to all x

You're welcome Lml. Glad our posts could help you boot them thoughts. I get down on myself a lot and it's easy to bully ourselves into thinking we're terrible useless horrible people who don't deserve anything. But deep down we know it's not true. We're fighting an illness at the end of the day, maybe not physical but a real illness none the less. I'm glad you're going to feel proud for yourself your trying to turn your life around for the better and that is not easy with this addiction and it is something you should dam well be proud for. Keep positive and be kind to yourself 🙂 J xxx

Lovely to read Little Miss - you go girl!!

Our Lady

Struggling to sleep tonight, head won't switch off.
Giving me time to think about where I am at the minute.
I've been reading a few posts and it seems like I'm not on my own. Many others have thoughts and feelings similar to my own when it comes to this addiction.
This addiction which takes us on a roller coaster of a ride, where one minute we hold our arms in the air as it swoops us up with massive highs but then the next minute we're falling down quickly, gripping tightly onto the handrail as the ground rushes towards us. We usually get off the ride feeling sick to the stomach.
Yesterday I realised that I had embarked on a different ride. I'd compare it to the merry - go - round. I sat serenely upon the gaily coloured horse and happily bobbed up and down.
Yesterday I had a day out with a friend. We went to a large car boot sale.
I've done this a few times before but yesterday felt different.
Yesterday I walked around and actually looked at the stalls.
I'm happy to say I bought small gifts for my son-in-law, grandson, daughter and a friend at work. These were all things I know that they would like and didn't cost much. I also bought myself some new underwear (sad to say but it's something I would not normally treat myself to! ) but more importantly I bought myself some small terracotta pots.
They're important because they're going to be for a project I've been wanting to do in my garden for a couple of years now and not got round to it. The reason I haven't done it yet is because I couldn't be bothered. Gambling not only robbed me of my money, it took my energy and enthusiasm with it too.
I'm going to be giving my little gifts out this weekend. I've decided it's a much better way of obtaining an adrenaline rush!
So if anyone wants to get off that rollercoaster ride to despair, get those blocks put firmly in place and join me bobbing up and down on my merry - go - round, there's room enough for us all. If we stop the gambling we'll probably also be able to treat ourselves to a candy floss haha!!
Wishing you all a happy easter x

Same! First started to think all the bad stuff, how things could be so different if I hadn't gambled etc.....but hey can't go back in time so switched around and made a pro-active list of positives and how to turn things around. Number one is obvs no more gambling which like you say steals everything from you money, time, headspace, happiness the list goes on.But what does it give you back? For me it's, self loathing, guilt low self confidence and more 🙁 So indeed, save me a seat I'm with you! Here's to a happy and GF Easter S 🙂

Welcome aboard sharon! To be honest when I said I'd been reading a few posts I then went on to write a list of names of who I felt were in a similar position to me and after reading fluffy cats post your name was on it! I then decided It was maybe a bit personal so I deleted them!!
This addiction gets me tied up in knots. One minute I'm buzzing because I feel as though I'm going to be able to get through this and come out gf at the other side. Next minute I feel like I need a spinning reels fix.
I just keep reminding myself that I will never win because I cannot stop. My life is sooo much better at the moment. My self-esteem has improved, I'm happier, more out-going and I smile more. Why would I jeopardise this?
We can do this Sharon, we have to show we respect ourselves. Each day we don't gamble proves that we do. We are worthy of happiness. It's up to us to create it x

Thanks Lml, I know sometimes I don't know who I am anymore 🙁 but you're right it is literally one day at a time. I haven't told a soul(except on here)about anything but as I think my gambling is connected to other issues I'm considering counselling just sobI can let it all out! Thanks for being there and like wise I'm all ears anytime, big hugs S x

Hi Little Miss.

"Bobbing along nicely" would describe how I'm doing right now too! Not got loads of spare money at the min but enough for normality to resume once more, put a smile on my face and rid those awful stomach wrenching feelings, gambling brought about!

Have a wonderful g.f Easter and may that merry-go-round continue with you bobbing along nicely on it!

Take care.

Our Lady

Glad my chirpeness has spread !
How did I find time for slots ? you asked...
Answer. ."at the expense of everything and everybody in my life" !
Well...not today...
Have a good weekend miss..
Keep chirping 🙂

Hey Lml!! Nice to see your still fighting!! All those feelings you describe are spot on!! Got space for another one on that merry go round? Xx

Hi lady h. Always room for another!
Not sure how it affects others but I've just got to get over this feeling of wanting to watch those pesky reels spin.
Gets me upset when I know for a fact that I am a far happier person when I don't gamble - madness beyond my comprehension!!
Anyway, I'll keep fighting the demons. Bobbing along is far more pleasurable than that flippin' roller coaster ride to despair. Doesn't mess my hair up either haha! All good wishes x

Thanks for posting on my diary LML . Keep fighting the good fight your close to doing 1/3 of a year which is really impressive .all the best

Morning LML,

Thanks for the post on my diary.

Keep going your doing brilliant 117 days gamble free is a great achimement, I get the feeling of wanting to see those reels spinning but we all know we can't win as we can't stop, keep fighting the demons and you will be a winner.

Shaun

Thanks pwm and Shaun,
I'm feeling bored today, always allows room for temptation.
Got lots I could be doing but nothing is shouting out at me.
I will move and do something constructive, not sure what yet but I will - honest! haha!
All good wishes x

Thanks for posting was lovely to see u r message it cheers me up!still trying and fighting x