Uphill struggle

Hi LML thank you for post mate, I've had to C&P as had IT shenanigans. Hope all is well 🙂

Bit annoyed, wrote long post to you: LML, HMMT and Degenerate and my phone crashed so here's a bulleted shorter version.

1: thank you for your support post on my diary and very appreciated, really does help.

2: HMMT mate you built it once you will again but stronger version of yourself you got this. I really recommend this book for you to check out: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari - Robin S Sharna

3: Degeberate yes mate definitely the impatience to satisfy debts quicker is a (foolish) nonsense I am guilty of plenty of occasions. I found a great book, not finished it yet but really good stuff! Check out: The Marshmallow Test - Walter Mischel

4: LML thank you 🙂 check out those books see what you think, really good stuff in there I think, really connected with contents as a person removing gambling and it's damages from my life.

Here's something I read which emailed myself earlier and copy to here... Good stuff I thought. Also try highlighting it and selecting 'speak' (I'm on iPhone) it's quite cool to 'hear' it rather than read.

I'm trying and doing everything I can to bash gambling and I'm feeling very positive I will and wish you and anyone in the fight does too!! We can do it! We must.

10 Ways To Forgive Yourself & Let Go Of The Past

by Megan Hale

Have you ever noticed how you can hold on to past mistakes long after they occurred? Some of us hold on to things for years!

Forgiveness is a process. It does not happen over night and the process will be different for everyone. But no matter how long it takes, there's hope! Here are some steps you can take toward that journey:

1. Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now.

The reason most of us feel guilt or shame for actions done in the past is because those actions are not in line with our current morals and values. Our past wrongs can actually clue us in to what we hold important. By identifying our morals and values, we start to get a clearer picture as to “why” we're hurting over what we've done, or what others did to us.

2. Realize that the past is the past.

This seems fairly straightforward, but when we can really wrap our head around the fact that we can’t undo the past, the past is done, those things happened, we open ourselves up to more acceptance. Increased acceptance can lead to the emotional healing we are all looking for.

3. Create a “re-do.”

Never underestimate the power of a “re-do”. Write down how you would have done things differently if you could go back and do it again. In doing so, we affirm that we not only learned from our past mistake, but that if we had the skills we have now, back then, we would have done things differently.

4. Realize you did the best you could at the time.

The way we respond depends on the skills we have, the frame of mind we’re in, and how we perceive the situation at that moment. Maybe we didn’t have as much objectivity, or acted out of survival or protection mode. Maybe we'd let stress build up, which put us at a higher risk of responding poorly. Whatever the factors, cut yourself a break. If you learn from it, it was never in vain.

5. Start acting in accordance with your morals and values.

The best thing you can do for yourself in order to forgive is start replacing the negative behavior and thoughts with more appropriate ones that are congruous with your morals and values. By so doing, you reaffirm to yourself that you can handle situations in the way you want to. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a huge part of building self-esteem.

6. Identify your biggest regrets.

When I work with clients on moving on from their past, it can be very overwhelming for them because they see so many regrets. It's often helpful to categorize these things because people often only hold on to a handful of big categories/patterns. Working on patterns of behavior is often more helpful than working on individual regrets.

7. Tackle the big ones.

There may be some regrets that don’t seem to improve, and they’re going to require some extra work. I call it “clearing your conscience.” This means it might take bringing this regret into the room and apologizing for your past mistake.

8. Turn the page.

At some point, you have to accept that the past has happened and you’ve done everything in your power to amend past mistakes. It’s now time to turn the page and accept those events as part of your story. They've all contributed to making you who you are. Being grateful for those experiences allows you to move on and truly forgive yourself.

9. Cut yourself some slack.

When we learned how to ride a bike, most of us realized it would probably take a few tries before achieving perfection. New behavior and thinking patterns are no different. They're both skills. Cut yourself some slack while you’re on a new learning curve. Realize that you’re going to make mistakes. We all do.

10. Move toward self-love.

The last step in building self-esteem is moving toward loving yourself. Think kind thoughts toward yourself and show yourself some compassion. If we can learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, to speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority, it reaffirms that we believe we are worth it. Engage in psychotherapy or coaching if you need some outside perspective in this area. Seek books on this subject. Surround yourself with supportive people.

You are more than your past mistakes, and I promise you, you are so worth it!!

Again, apols for cut/paste approach but first message didn't post and I'm only on iPhone, takes a while.

Keep fighting the small battles we will win the war! One 'phase' at a time for a deeper re-conditioning and change of perspective and self control but during this process I make myself one simple promise... Today I will not gamble.

Best wishes all, keep strong!

Veritas et Aequitas - Truth and Equity

Gutted.i give up. Back to hating myself and feeling such a failure. X

Hi lml

Hating yourself isn't going to do you any good , dust yourself down and go again, know one on this site will tell you it's easy but it's achievable , it's a continuous journey with many lessons,

If you know where you went wrong next time you'll be better prepared

Don't let the bas@@@d beat ya

Keep fighting

Deano x

Deano, I'm so fed up. I'm at a loss at to what to do. I just seem to struggle constantly. I kid myself I'm OK and I'm doing well when all the time, bottom of my heart, I know I'm not.
I feel like I'll never solve my gambling problem. I'll never be happy and live a 'normal' life without the pull of gambling or where I'm not in debt.
Thanks for your message klamm. I'm sorry you feel the same. It hurts where we are x

Hi LML.

Sorry to hear you have hit a low point. Not nice I know but you have done so well previously so remember that. I hope you dont mind me asking but did you lose more money? Im guessing yes and this may be one of the reasons you feel the way you do right now.

I really hope you can positively reflect on this tomorrow maybe when things settle down more and your mind is a little clearer.

Take care and dont be so hard on yourself - it will only make you feel worse.

Rooting for you to get straight back on track.

Our Lady.x

Evening Lml

Sounds like your having a ruff time again, we have all been there, I know every time I failed I was too ashamed to come back here and admit it or ask for help, but this is your safe place don't give up. Life will be what you want it to be stay strong take care

So upset with myself.
Here I am again, middle of the night awake and feeling absolutely terrible.
I haven't felt like this since Christmas and it's all come back to me. The same old feelings.
Wanting to push people away from me, curl up in a corner to lick my wounds. Despairing about what I'm to do about money. Wondering how I'm going to manage.
Having to admit to people I can't do things because my money has gone. Then there's that oh so sick feeling in my stomach.
When you feel like this you just wonder how you're going to cope with life at all. I wonder will I ever get it out of my life or am I stuck with feeling like this forever.
I can kind of think why I've done it.
My MOT is due this month. I know I need new tyres before I even start.
A couple of months ago my parents asked me to go away with them. They said they'd pay half towards my holiday. Its partly because they need my help but also because they said i haven't been abroad for years. I agreed and now I pay them so much a month towards the cost. I'm never going to be able to comfortably afford it.
I decided to make things to sell on a stall, have car boots etc.
Now every bit of me is screaming I don't want to do it. I've just lost £220. That means this month I have next to nothing to live on. In my head now whatever I make from selling is just making up for this loss so in effect I'm going to be doing it all for nothing.
I'm just so so gutted to find myself here again.
Sorry if this sounds garbled, whiney and self-centred. How I wish this sick, oppressive feeling would go away.
I don't know what to do or where to turn next. What a mess x

Please Lml we are all here for you as you have been there for many of us! No one us going to judge you in any way at all as we all want the same... for ourselves to be GFand everyone else to be GF. Draw the line and move on, easier said than done but what else is there to do? I think I've done this for good this time but have done it so many times in the past so who knows? I 100% trust myself at the moment but am recognising my weak spots/situations and avoiding then. If you look back through your posts you have been so positive and motivated, you can do it again! !! Big hugs and take care S x

Hi LML.

It can seem such a struggle when we know we have things coming up that we are going to need more money for. I have just had a really expensive couple of months. I am now on a really tight budget now until next payday. I am also going away next weekend with the girls - to my brothers lodge thankfully! Nevertheless, I am still a little anxious about how much money I will need. These are the things that can most definitely be a trigger for most of us so don't be too hard on yourself. You are most definitely not a failure. A failure would not have come back on here and confessed to what they had done.

My way of dealing with such situations, is to just remind myself, that at least all my bills are being paid and I can only spend what I have at the time and gambling to try to get more will more than likely never happen. It is so difficult I know but it's the only way.

How were you able to gamble if you don't mind me asking? You may need to re-think your barriers.

Big virtual hug and really thinking of you today.

Looking after yourself first is the most important thing, only then can you see to the needs of others. Remember that.

Our Lady.x

I could write my life story but what good would it do?
I've got to put my 'yes, life is fine ' head on cos I've got a friend coming round soon.
How can I tell him my problems when only a few weeks ago he said he hates to be in debt and pays his bills as soon as he gets them because he hates the thought of owing anyone money. God knows what he'd make of my situation if he knew. At this moment I feel like saying ' what's the point? get out of my life, I'm everything you're not.'
Secrets f*****g secrets.
Pain on top of pain.
Hate on top of hate.
Life is good if you're in a position to make it good , if you have the strength to make the changes. The problem is I don't know which are the right changes to make so life continues . . .
I stopped gambling. My debts stayed the same. Granted they didn't get worse but they didn't get better because I don't have the extra to knock off the bills like others seem to manage. I don't want another job. People around me are thinking of retiring never mind getting an extra job.
Life is just one big struggle, the future looks no different.
All self-made??? I fell for the trap and now I pay the price of being such an idiot - oh joy!
This flipping feeling. it's so hard to get motivated and want other people to be in our lives. It's so much easier to wallow in self-pity. It's so difficult to be optimistic.
I get so fed up of having to push and force myself to converse and let others in. I know I have to. Otherwise I'd crack and break into a thousand pieces
x

You seem to be letting the debt hold you back , you might say dean that easy for you to say but I've been where you are and I know the way out , back in 2010 I was 42k in gambling debt 42 thousand pound I'd recently lost my job and then my wife had a miscarriage my world was in absolute bits . I could either give up or start filling the hole and climbing out, at one point I was filling in questionnaires for 13p just to try make some money imagine how long that would of taken ? Lol if not for an Iva I'd of lost everything family included , so I know from experience there's a life to be had and debt can be paid all though it doesn't have to be painful ,

You spoke about you being different to your male friend ? Me and my wife are like chalk and cheese she's everything I'm not as they say opposite attract ,

A suggestion is write down what you believe are your pros and cons when you finish burn the cons and work with your pros , you can do anything humanely possible the only constraint is your mind , as always keep fighting

And don't forget to check back in on the 2017 challenge

Deano x

Hey Little Miss.

Just thinking about you and hoping you're ok? Would be lovely to hear back from you.

Sending you a big hug and best wishes.

Our Lady

Three months is becoming a bit of a stumbling block.

Always feel compelled to subtly write something along the lines of 'keep looking for ways to improve' when I post to you Little miss lost.

Apologies for how predictable this is - every word applies to myself - you are going to have to do more. Whether that's more inconvenient blocks or telling someone close to you. You know what more you could do. I think you are close Little miss lost, just need that big breakthrough step/s.

You have done well this year.

One slip.

It's done.

Learn.

Move on.

You haven't lost your strong spirit!

Appreciate the difficulty of your situation - you know things did, can and will slowly get better again for you.

There's a gaily coloured horse looking lonely.

Get yourself back on the GamCare carousel Little miss lost.

Well here I am, back again.
Terrible month. Totally lost the plot.
Got my credit card back for one reason and another and the result = £3000 more debt.
Finally forced myself to look at the damage. Can't believe myself,
my life, my existence.
Finally confessed and told my daughters that they had an addict for a mother. They were absolutely wonderful - I knew they would be, I'm lucky, they're lovely girls. It's just not a discussion I'd ever wanted to have - to admit to failing them, yet again.
They offered support and help. They were glad I had told them, they were worried about me.
I'm worried about me but it doesn't stop me. That's why I'm worried!
I contacted stepchange, my circumstances have changed now so I will be able to use them.
I've been sorting my debts on my own but they're due to be sold to debt collectors soon and I'm not looking forward to that.
Looks like I should be able to go through stepchange now. Hopefully that should take away some of the worry.
I'm going to have to change my bank account again. See how that goes.
I can't use my credit card any more. I won't be able to get any more credit and I've agreed to show my daughter my bank statement once a month. What little money I have should hopefully stay in there now.
Still I exist, still I get up in a morning and get through the day.
Still I live my life , the one I've built for myself, the one that's hard to face up to.
Still I have moments that I cling on to, moments where I can see a future which doesn't involve throwing away large amounts of money which isn't even mine.
I have no option now. It's either sink or swim.
I must swim. I must lose this feeling that takes over all my senses. I must survive and there is only one way to do it.
I'm so lucky. My family are there for me. I've got to repay their trust, I've got to start caring for myself again and become the person I want to be. I can do it. It's so upsetting. How the he'll can I put slots before my family????
It's got to be - no more.
Summer is coming. I could make it the best I've had for 6 years. I just have to be strong. I have to believe and I have to start on this road again.
Truth be told i'm still a bit numb from telling my girls. No instant happiness that it's out in the open. Just a sense of, well now they know, hopefully now they'll understand why I've acted in the way I sometimes have in the past.
No instant, well now they know and I won't do it again. Just a feeling of now it's up to me. It's out in the open. I have to move forward. I have to be the best I can be. It's not really made things easier, I have an addiction, it won't just go away. I must battle on and never give up.
Back on the carousel, only this time my girls are bobbing along with me. I must never forget. I must never again let myself or my family down. Same old flipping words only this time it's got to be different actions x

Hi, so glad you've posted but sad you've had such a horrendous time 🙁 I think we have been addicted for a similar amount of time 5/6 years? I am still eaten up by what an awful person I think I am (I haven't told anyone)but telling people for you may be what makes it different this time.I feel like I live but am not living because I'm so eaten up inside by everything, I'm considering a trip to the doctors just so I can let it all out! . I wish you sincerely alk the best in this fresh chapter and everyone here is with you 100%, take care and slowly but surely we will get there to a GF life worth living and which everyone deserves. Big hugs S 🙂