Uphill struggle

Thinking of you Little Miss Lost.

It's great you've got the support of your daughters.

Just keep on trying 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Stay strong.

You can still make this your best summer ever; picnics in the park, nice walks, baking with your girls, spending quality time with your friends and family, movie nights, bbqs..

All the best and keep believing in yourself.

Thanks to all who have supported me both today and in the past.
I don't know the answer to solving my problems.
I'm seeing a counsellor, I've told my family. I've got blocks back in place. All positive steps.
Life seems to be so difficult yet it should be so simple.
I can't keep beating myself up, what's done is done and it doesn't help anyone to keep going over it.
I don't want to live in a world of regret. Nobody wants to be around a negative person. I just want to live in a world with no urges to throw money down the drain. No more tricks played on me by my slot addled brain. I just want to live in peace and be happy with my world. I know I can achieve this but I know it's ultimately up to me.
I need to make myself better. I have to try again. I will get there. x

Great to see you back Little miss lost.

Some very brave positive steps taken.

Parents have problems too. Much as you will want everything to be perfect for your daughters - it's not realistic (or helpful in the real world). You have lovely girls, I'm sure having a great mum played a big part in that.

As heartbreaking as it is unjust the low opinion you seem to have of yourself. Your counsellor can help with that. One of the most valued things we can possess is self-respect. You certainly should have it and will do if you keep working at it.

Accept and expect things to be difficult for now - it will slowly get better.

Sort of sad return but very positive too.

The big steps you have taken will make a big difference.

Here I am again. Been gamble free since my last posts.
Firstly, in the beginning, because I knew I had to show my daughter my bank statement and secondly because I have been so busy for 2 weeks that I haven't even had time or energy to think about it really.
I'm getting a bit more time on my hands now so it's making me think about it again but I know I can't do anything. I've only a little bit of money in bank. No overdraft, no credit card.
I changed my bank account yet again and stephan get have just notified me saying my dmp has been set up!!
I'm hoping that means I won't have to deal with anyone now. I hope the letters/bills die down!
Back on track, I've no other option other than to stay on it.
All good wishes x

Stephen * step change!

Plus I WANT to stay on track. Don't want to get dragged back into the gambling hell hole. Life is sooo much better without it! X

Great news miss ....you're doing well....
Glad dmp sorted. ...that will be a weight of you're shoulders...
Keep pushing on love x

Thanks for your support loxxie.
I'm just putting debts to back of my head now. DMP is said to take 30 years. I'll be 80 by the time it's paid so what's the point in stressing?!! Stay strong everyone xx

Hi all,
I pop in every now and again but i don't post like i used to. I just want to drop a line to anyone out there who is struggling with online gambling.
I've struggled for years. Stopping and starting, stopping and starting thinking I can stop all by myself. Feel good for short bursts then beat myself up time and time again for failing miserably - each time getting further and further into debt. Spending money that I just plucked from the air with the use of credit cards. Switching balances from one card to another 0% for balance transfers.
There lied the problem for me. More credit available, more temptation, just a ВЈ10 deposit won't hurt which then becomes ВЈ30, ВЈ50, £100 and the debt builds up. The same old story, win some then over the next few days put it all back in - and more. Despair, beat myself up, cry, hide, hate myself, struggle to face up to going to work, ring gamcare, ring samaritans, email samaritans daily and wonder how am I ever going to escape from this exhausting, hellish life?
Next came counselling, tell a friend, ask her not to tell anyone. I have an outlet - feel a bit better, have a break from gambling for a few months, start to feel good but all the time credit is available tempting me. Answer - give credit card to friend - great, but still have overdraft to go into. Still have the temptation. Still have the urges. Still think there's a chance to win. Still think just £50, I could clear some debts. Still live with allowing those thoughts to be in my head. Still live making excuses to my family for me not having money. Still go without, no new clothes, no takeaways, no nights out when invited, thanks to those spinning reels I don't have the cash or the inclination. Basically the fun and happiness has just been sucked out of my life.
Change bank accounts - I'd been with them for over 30 years - it hurt. Had to, I had to admit I can't pay loans, overdrafts, credit cards etc. Feel ashamed, feel stupid, feel despair. Stop for a while. I'd self excluded over time from just about every site yet still find one. Get hold of my credit card details again - another ВЈ2000 debt to add to the £18000
All this time my grown up family worried, see me struggling, being emotional, ask me if I'm OK. I still won't admit, fob them off until one day I wake up and my head screams at me to tell them. In one way they're relieved. They thought I was ill - physically, not mentally.
I am lucky, they asked how they could help.
They now check my bank account every month, check I've no gambling withdrawals - I don't mind, I want them to - it helps.
I set up a dmp with Step Change. I change my bank account -yet again.
I know my credit rating is now shot. I've no overdraft. No chance of a credit card. Now I only have a small amount of money in my bank account but for me, it's helped. It was hard. I still had urges but then once I knew I couldn't get my hands on any money the urges got to be less.
I'm sleeping better, relieved I can pay one payment to stepchange a month. I still go to counselling. There's only a few people in my life who know, at the moment that feels right for me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is please don't give in if you're in despair. I've been there, I've been an absolute wreck. I now feel so much better. I honestly never thought I would. If I can do it, you can too!! I'll never say I'm free from gambling but I feel so much more in control of my life now. The word happy is now back in my vocabulary.
All good wishes, stay strong xx

Hi Lml thank you for this thoughtful and encouraging post, people like me and many others need to know it is possible to progress and move forward. I guess it is day by day changing habits and being kind to yourself. Take care S:)

Thanks sharon, guess I also want people who are in the earlyish stages of gambling to maybe be able to realise that they are going on a similar path to mine. I'm hoping they can take heed and do something about it before they end up borrowing more and more credit. It never seems to lead to happiness. They've the opportunity to get help quicker than I did so as not to get into as much debt as me.
It really has helped me by removing temptation. The urges are less maybe because my head knows there's no point.
I know we're all different but that works for me.
All good wishes x

Thankyou LML . As you so rightly advised , I need to 'cut myself some slack ' . Sometimes the shame , guilt and remorse is so overpowering it can feel like a welcome respite to gamble again , regardless of the consequences .We are all aware how devious and manipulative this terrible addiction can be . I know perfectly well I have done wrong and don't need the addiction to keep rubbing my nose in it . The cowardly way for me to address this situation is to wallow in remorse / self pity . Or I can take note from one of your diary posts : " Their is light at the end of the tunnel , just stay on the right track " . That says it all . Financial recovery plans in place ( it is a long tunnel but whatever ) . Work towards achievable goals , or maybe I might just chill out and see what comes around . Wishing you happy times and fun on your journey of recovery . Stephen x ps sorry I do ramble on a bit .

Lovely to see you posting lml. I have not posted for ages!

I am so happy to see that you are now with Stepchange - so am I! It is so much better and yes, it will take years but hey! I do not bog myself down too much with it. Anything could happen/change. At least we both know that as each month passes, our debts will reduce, no matter how small.

Now time to find my diary and make a note.

Take care and look after yourself.

Our Lady.x

Hi guys
I have just joined stepchange. 30k debt. Depressed and bad health due to breast cancer treatment. Told dr and partner. Still all new and scary. Written letters to credit cards as couldnt face speaking to them. Opened new bank account. Getting forms ready to send back to stepchange. Dreading the responce from banks and card companies. Head is blown

Thank you our Lady, lovely to hear from you again too.
Glad you are still on the right track. There's room enough upon it for us all!
Alimbutt, thank you for your post. I agree it is quite scary and I'm sorry to hear about your ill health.
You sound as though you are helping yourself, contacting stepchange is definitely a step in the right direction.
It can be daunting, embarrassing and make you feel ashamed having to talk to credit card companies, explaining why you are struggling but the majority of them are very understanding and you come off the phone usually feeling a sense of relief. Unfortunately the credit card company operators receive these types of calls all day long. These are nothing new to them, we are just one in a long list of numbers.
You must start to feel proud of yourself now. You are trying to help yourself and believe me for gamblers, that is not easy. Look forward from this moment on and concentrate on getting yourself better. Make sure you have barriers in place to prevent you from gambling. There are not many people who can stop without them.
Most of all remember you are worth it. You deserve some happiness.
Wishing you good health, strength and happiness
Lml x

Thank you lml still gf but temptations still strong. My downfall is slots in the bingo halls. So hard to get the urge out of my head but still trying.