Uphill struggle

Morning lml.

Have you thought about swapping your payment plan to an Iva instead? That way you’ll still pay the same amount each month but you’ll be debt free in 5 years and the rest gets written off.

That’s worth considering because there’s light at the end of the tunnel then.

Not playing the demo games is the right thing to do as in a way it just keeps the embers burning

Thanks deano, when I went to citizens advice they told me I'd be best not to go down the Iva road. I think it's because I have some collateral in my house.
Stepchange recently sent me an email saying I could be eligible. When I contacted them they said they'd probably advise me against it but the option is there if I want it. They also said I'd have to go with someone else to do it. I came off the phone thinking what was the point in that??
It is difficult wondering which would be the best option. They've both got things for and against.

Ps I'm sick of getting emails for so called free spins etc. I try to unsubscribe but they won't let me.wish they'd get the message I don't even open them.
Happy Sunday everyone x

Hi again they do ask you to remortgage if you have equity. But it’s not often someone especially with a bad credit history can even get a remortgage. Even then you can only have 85 percent no higher . You can’t go past your original mortgage date and payments should not increase more than 50 percent of you Iva monthly fee for your remortgage. Have a look in debt camel all the terms are there to see. It’s worrh considering if you’re going to be paying step change for years on end ? As for the emails change your email address . Or google how to block domains through your email .

Deano

Hi LML, your comment about "you've worked for it....you can spend your money on slots".....that used to be my thinking...in fact it probably still is my thinking, but banning myself from casinos has made it harder to gamble, and I know that if I once place a bet online I will be lost. But it isn't about our right to spend money is it, whether it is our, or an OD or a credit card? It's tackling why we feel driven to keep pouring money into watching those reels. Even when we win we put it all back in, because I think we are only happy when we lose, then we are freed to stop gambling by having no funds left. I remember the sense of relief I used to feel, because then I could go home. Come on LML, get all those blocks in place...we all know what we need to do....make it harder for yourself to gamble, get some good gamble free time under your belt. Come on, you have your family, your grandson...you have you. You deserve a better life. You deserve peace. One day at a time. Keep posting, keep talking. We need one another. Helen.

Thanks Helen, yes I had lots of reasons that I used to kid myself with. When the debts became bigger I used to think . . . 'some people buy new cars that depreciate, getting a loan because of gambling is just the same!'
I also used to think 'stuff it, I'm an adult. I've only myself to look after. No one can tell me what to do so why can't I do something that makes me happy? '
Only thing is, it rarely did make me happy and it never did in the long run.
I've read on others diaries about watching programmes which point out how the gambling industry draws you in.
I can't bring myself to watch them because I don't want to have to face the fact that I was that fool that they were trying to brainwash. I fell for their tricks. I got sacked in, chewed about and then spat out.
Well, my pay is in bank. So grateful I cannot spend what little I have left (after paying bills) of it online. I know the temptation would be too much.
I must beat this. I will not be an addicted gran. I will not be one who is stressed out all the time whilst beating oneself up. When you stop gambling for a bit life does feel worth living again.
I want to live. I want to be happy, content with myself. I know how to do it. I've just got to get on with it and make the correct choices. Keep those blocks in place!
Good wishes and strength to all X
All good wishes x

Hi LML

The urges live with us all but you have to stop beating yourself up now, put the stick away.

If you have one bet you know eventually you will lose so you have to avoid that first spin. If you manage that it can only get better from here on in.

As regard to your friend and whether to tell them or not, that is up to you. All you need to do is say no and you did that. You don't need to people please, you need to look after number 1. It may sound and feel selfish but you now have a life to embark on and have chosen that life to be gamble free. For you this involves taking one of the tools away that you needed to gamble. Without those cards you have a better chance to a better life.

If the DMP is working for you then stick to it, at least you are paying your debt and keeping the creditors at bay sensibly.

Keep going LML you will get there.

Matt

Thanks Matt, it is hard to know whether I am doing the right thing with regard to debts.
I do have to look after number one. I'm 53 years old yet i still cant tell people what i really think. I dont want to hurt anyones feelings, yet stupidly I allow mine to get hurt on the process! The life I always thought I'd have hasn't worked out.
Gambling has made me feel not worthy. I've got to build myself back up and go from there.
X

Hi LML

I have suffered with the same problem for a long time, it is called co-dependency, another book worth a read/listen is co-dependant no more by Melodie Beattie. Putting others needs before your own should not be the norm, hard one as I have struggled with this for a long time. That sense of shame you carry and desire to please others lives deep within, maybe seek some councelling?

You are 53 years young and completely worthy, you need to start working on making you happy not others.

Good luck LML

Matt

Thanks for your advice matt. Changes need to be made but having to deal with the consequences can be daunting.

After responding to katiecoos post it's made me think again about what is going to happen in the future. All of these gambling sites creating new addicts every day who spend money that they haven't got on credit cards etc. Relationships in tatters. Young people starting out lives with massive debts and mental health problems. Companies/banks been owed thousands having to write most of them off and the list goes on. What effect is this going to have on society?
Why oh why are these gambling sites still been allowed to advertise like they do when it is plain for all to see the damage that they're doing?
OK, people say it's the government creaming off the tax. It just makes me feel sad that so many people's lives are getting ruined. Mine and my families included x

Well, can you believe it. After writing the above post aswell. . .
Met up with a couple of friends tonight. One who knows about my gambling problems and told me her son had confessed to problems a few weeks ago. And my other friend (who doesn't know about my problem) goes and tells us tonight that her daughter, who only got married this year, has split up from her husband because she's found out he is in thousands of pounds worth of debt through gambling. He's also taken thousands out of her banking account without her knowing. So so sad. People getting into trouble through gambing is becoming such a problem now. My heart goes out to them all xx

In bed, reading posts on here. So many people struggling, hitting rock bottom, have had the walls come tumbling down around them so why oh why is it when I read about a post where someone has had a big win my stupid addicted brain immediately goes into overdrive and the heartbreaking posts before it are amazingly forgotten!!!
So grateful to the fact that because of my previous lapses common sense comes back and reminds myself that this is only one post out of hundreds and I will never win because I can never stop.
Feeling good with myself at the moment. Got enough money in bank to last me the month.
It was the 5th October when I last played online slots. One month of not gambling, one month of no demos, and it feels good.
Here's to another. Strength to all xx

Hi lol, me too, in bed reading posts. What a mess, so young. Have a good day!

Thanks merry go round. Yes they are young, I just hope they manage to recover from it.
Just as I was saying though, so many lives going through turmoil, yet the glorified advertising is still allowed on our tv screens.
I said going through turmoil because I want to believe they can get through this and lead a fulfilling and happy life.
I'm pleased to report another gf day. I did think about demo slots but then I made myself happy by thinking what's the point? I don't win anything, it's just a waste of time. I hope I continue to go from strength to strength. It's not easy but then nobody ever said it was xx

Sunday, usually a day when I thought even more about slots. I'd either be quite happy whilst at work because I had won the night before so it meant I could go home and have another few hours online or else I'd be totally distraught, hating life, hating the fact that I had to do a Sunday job to pay for my debts, basically hating being me, the person who just couldn't stop until I'd lost hundreds of pounds the previous night.
Today, roughly 5/6 weeks since my last bet I'm feeling OK.
I no longer do my Sunday job because I now do more hours during the week at work and I've been out with a friend, had a walk along the seafront (well wrapped up) and enjoyed some fish and chips.
I wouldn't normally do this because I'd be a bit of a recluse when I gambled. I didn't really want to mix with people. I'd just stay at home, usually licking my wounds.
How people say they don't get any urges to gamble is beyond me. I still do even I totally know what a mugs game it is. They're lucky if that's the case.
I'll just keep batting the urges away, continue to fight the good fight and learn to live again x

Hi LML,

I have just spent the last couple hours reading through all of your diary. I just wanted to say, I really appreciate your complete honesty in your posts, good and bad, despair or hope. I want to be another person to be there for you through this, be there for all of us.

I feel that this connection we all have, this shared experience of being addicted to gambling helps us move forward through this and all of the inevitable ups and down, relapses etc. We are here to spur everyone on. It’s a very difficult path that we are on but we can all walk it together and beat this awful addiction...

Chris