Uphill struggle

Lml I do totally sympathise, being the only wage earner and shouldering all the bills is really hard but I guess the only way to get through is odaat and every day we don't gamble is a tiny step towards being debt free. I'very always felt like an island and at times do wish someone wold be by my side but don't think it's gonna happen (this is just me!) Which makes me more determined not to throw my money away and get stuck in cycle of feeling like s***. I promise you, you're not alone here and you can do this! Take care S:)

Hey

Sorry for the tough love yesterday...here is a hug (((((((lml))))))).

I completely understand how difficult it can be to be the only bread winner in the household. I am one myself. Esp having kids is even more complicated to keep the plates spinning.

You must remember that the only way you can get in better situation financially and emotionally is not to place that first bet. Remember that clear mind and wellbeing brings many options and opportunities our way. We see life differently and so accordingly can help ourselves with the choices ahead.
Give yourself some time, everything will keep falling back into place. There will be good days outweighing the bad ones I can assure you! Keep working at it!

The blocker works well. I had some experience with other blockers messing my devices up too. This one seems very straightforward and no issues at all. You get sent a password which you put in and thats it. You can't uninstall it at all...until license expires. If I'm right, there is even a option for automatic renewal. Admin there are very helpful also and quick to respond to any arisen questions.
The only thing is, make sure your device is updated prior installing as mine didnt and when update was in process it took the blocker off. However I was back in safety within 8hrs with admin helping me out and sending another password.
It is the best thing I could of done, the peace of mind is priceless!

Wish you well, be proud - you're doing it!

S&B xx

Abstainer, Sharon and S &B. Many thanks for your time and messages of support.
Well, so to my next level in this trying to stop this gambling malarkey.
I've been wanting to feel the thrill of seeing bonus rounds come up on the spinning reels.
My brains been trying to tempt me to replace my bank card so I can just have the odd £20 here and there. Let's face it, why should I deprive myself of a bit of fun?
Then my sensible head kicks in and reminds me it doesn't stop at £20 and wiping myself out is definitely not fun!
Soooo, I've taken S&B's advice I've now downloaded gamban.
At the moment, it seems to be doing the trick and it was easy to do. My mobile is now a gambling site free zone - yeah! Will this remove my final piece of temptation? Time will tell!! Hopefully the best £10 spent!!
Thanks S&B for taking the time out and informing me about gamban. I wouldn't have known about it or trusted it without your recommendation.
Here's to a better future xx

Hello Little miss lost. Thankyou for posting on my diary, you brought a real smile to my face.

Congratulations on your continued good progress, I believe you are over 3 months away from your last bet which is wonderful. Putting a block on your mobile is another brave thing you have done. You are displaying courage and determination which shows how committed you are to your recovery.

This could be the year we finally say goodbye and good riddance to mr gamble. He has caused us nothing but shame and misery so deserves to be consigned to the past.

Let's keep going forward by focussing on the here and now. Tomorrow's not here yet and yesterday's gone.

Thanks abstainer, we're in this together, come rain or shine and let's face it, we've encountered some right storms but always managed to come out the other side. 2018 has got to see us feeling the sun on our faces and when the rainclouds gather be prepared with one hull'ova! big umbrella!!
I last gambled October 5th so I'm exactly 3 months gamble free.
Warning to anyone wanting to stop gambling but with no blocks in place. I must have lost £10,000 from the point I realised I had a problem to now. All because I thought that I could do it on willpower alone.
Take if from the experienced. It's nigh on impossible to succeed without blocks in place.
I apologise. . . i know it gets boring to read this over and over again when youre not quite ready to put blocks in place but it's said over again for a reason and if just one person takes heed and puts blocks in place then it's worth it.
Let someone you trust take over your finances. No credit cards, minimal cash. Download Gambon, starts at just over £10 per year for 1 device. Ring gamcare, enquire about free counselling.
If you want to enjoy a future without having the horrors caused by gambling then take control. It's your life, live it the way you want to. It's goddam hard when you're in its grip but there's proof on here, it can be done and it sounds oh so worth it!!!
I have good days, I have bad days but as long as they're gamble free then I have to be winning.
All good wishes xx

Well done on being 3 months GF LML, proud of you. I am glad you are finding use of the Gamban software too. I had a similar thing but because I work in IT, I knew how to get around it and boy did I but most wouldn’t be able to easily so it’s great. .Handing over my finances was the only thing for me that really worked in the end. Like you say, most of us need the blocks. Will power alone is not enough, we can say all the right things, know exactly what we should do, be able to tell others exactly what they should and shouldn’t do and yet we still can gamble... there needs to be things outside ourselves to help. Again.. well done. I raise a glass to your 3 months. Roll on 6 months :). Scott

Hi Little Miss. Just passing by, reading a section of your diary. You have been through the full gambling whirlpool, abstinence, temptation, enticement, boredom, frustration, resilience and survival.

My heart goes out to you, particularly as you seem to be fighting every day either against the urges, or the general struggle of life.

But I know that you have strength and belief to change your life. New horizons and limitless possibilities are there for you!

Eventually we must completely stop all thoughts of gambling. It CANNOT be part of our future!

Well done for installing the blocking software - it's a great move. Now concentrate on living within a workable budget and stay optimistic for amazing improvement. We don't know for sure what the future holds, or what's round the corner. But hope and positivity may draw the good things in life towards you.

Remember: You are better and more capable than you think you are..

3 Months Excellent. Every day gamble free is to be celebrated, I genuinely have given up a couple of 100 times and am just happy out not to be gambling today. Thank you for your support it's much appreciated. Stay away from those Demo's

Belated congratulations on 3 months, fantastic progress for yourself and masses of supportive words for others, including me! We all deserve to come through to the other side, however we get there.Take care and here's to a GF 2018 and beyond S x

Thanks for dropping by and well done on your 3 months 🙂 is that Gamban any good then. The other blocks I have seen are like £100. I would do it but need other halfs 'consent' too

Little miss lost wrote: Thanks abstainer, we're in this together, come rain or shine and let's face it, we've encountered some right storms but always managed to come out the other side. 2018 has got to see us feeling the sun on our faces and when the rainclouds gather be prepared with one hull'ova! big umbrella!! I last gambled October 5th so I'm exactly 3 months gamble free. Warning to anyone wanting to stop gambling but with no blocks in place. I must have lost £10,000 from the point I realised I had a problem to now. All because I thought that I could do it on willpower alone. Take if from the experienced. It's nigh on impossible to succeed without blocks in place. I apologise. . . i know it gets boring to read this over and over again when youre not quite ready to put blocks in place but it's said over again for a reason and if just one person takes heed and puts blocks in place then it's worth it. Let someone you trust take over your finances. No credit cards, minimal cash. Download Gambon, starts at just over £10 per year for 1 device. Ring gamcare, enquire about free counselling. If you want to enjoy a future without having the horrors caused by gambling then take control. It's your life, live it the way you want to. It's goddam hard when you're in its grip but there's proof on here, it can be done and it sounds oh so worth it!!! I have good days, I have bad days but as long as they're gamble free then I have to be winning. All good wishes xx

Great post lml here’s to a positive 2018

Deano x

Thanks dean888, guess I'm chatting to the one I was thinking of now!! Hope all's well with you. I see your gf count is on the up and up - well done!
I'm doing OK. No money thrown down the drain lately so that's the main.
Have to say though, today, I received a certificate for a first aid course which I went on through work. I looked at it and in big clear writing it said completed on 5th October 2017. My head went back in time to me sitting in the car park after the course and checking my bank account. I noticed £400 worth of winnings (I use that term loosely because I had probably put near enough that much in to start with! ) had been put into my bank account.
I remember the feeling, seeing it there and cheering, my heart was beating fast, mainly because it meant I could gamble again that night. Of course, in my head I was only going to put £50 in. The rest I would keep because I needed it.
I couldn't wait to get sorted and to bed, in anticipation of maybe another win - wouldn't that be great, surely my luck was in!!!
Needless to say, by the end of that evening the £400 had gone and I hated myself all over again.
That was the last time I spent money on the slots.
I felt awful, I think I had to ask my daughter for some money to help me out - so embarrassed and ashamed.
Now it's impossible for me to gamble on my phone and as much as I would love to, I equally, if not more love the feeling of looking at my last 3 bank statements and not seeing a casino withdrawal and just on the whole feeling better with myself rebuilding my self - respect, something gambling stripped away from me.
I'm hoping to make better memories from now on, stay away from the slots and I can't fail!
All good wishes xx

You are doing brilliant LML, it is great to look at your bank statements and not see money leeching out to these places. It’s amazing how emotionally tied up in these big losses or poingnant losses/wins like what you mentioned we are at the time and thus how we remember a lot of it so vividly. I remember once I had bet on a late tennis match to win back losses and at the time it was a large ammount, I had several dreams that the bet won and how I felt or that the bet didn’t win and I had poor sleep that night. I woke up thinking I had won it and then checked and I had actually lost, I felt awful there sitting in bed and it’s memories like this that I try to bring to mind in case there ever was temptation. I can only imagine how it must have been very embarrassing asking your daughter to help bail you out.

I hope these times are relegated to the past and are only useful as a helpful reminder of what that dark path inevitably leads too when the path may be lit up with flashing lights excitement etc. Further down that road are events such as those memories like when you were in your car that time in tears and when you had to ask your daughter for money. Those are the true destinations...

So pleased with your progress, onwards and upwards LML. Scott

Sorry, want to stop, I forgot to answer your question. I'll stop by your diary.
Thanks for your support Scott. It's funny how after a short abstinence our heads only start to remember what it feels like to win. Unfortunately, I feel like an old timer now. I seem to be getting used to the feeling of letting myself down when I relapse. Well I'm hoping this time it won't happen again. I won't give in. I want to be gamble free. I know I'll never win and I just want a stress free life. Gambling and that statement just don't go together!
All good wishes x

Not a good night. Just flipping hate the fact that I'm so goddam boring, weak and shallow that the only thing I would like to do on a Saturday night is stick a load of money onto a slot machine and watch the reels go round.
How sad am I? Good job I can't because otherwise I'd have wiped myself out. Arrgggh I so hate it. Note to self, must change mindset and get a life. So goddam difficult at times.
Sorry all, just having a rant. I know many on here will understand. Hopefully tomorrow will be better x