Uphill struggle

Hey,

You're having urges, ride them out. they're only thoughts and won't harm you.
I still get days like this and am very thankful for the blocks in place, that's when we need them ☺

You're doing great, tommorow is brand new day...new feelings and mindset. Wishing you a sunny day in heart and soul.

Look after you and be kind to yourself

S&B xx

Sorry to hear that LML. Do you still have thoughts about trying to play slots only to be stopped by the measures you have put in place or do you think about it but shrug off trying by realising what you are doin, catching yourself etc. You shouldn’t be sorry for speaking your mind and telling us you’re true thoughts and feelings. I hope tomorrow is better too, hang in there LML. You deserve a life where you don’t have these thoughts, I hope they lessen. Thinking of you. Scott

Thanks S&B for your support.
Scott, I still have the urges to want to play the slots, visualising the bonus's coming up.
They come and go but when they come they hit me so strongly that it truly is a good job I have the blocks in place. Sad but true.
Anyway, today is a new day. I started it feeling flat, wanting to shut myself away, not even wanting to mix with my family downstairs but I'm giving myself a good talking to and after I've written this I'll try to pick myself up and go down.
Sorry for downhearted post. Just feeling a bit emotional at the moment, life seems difficult and such a trial - work, self inflicted debts, relationships, family they're all getting me down one way or another, listen to me, what a misery!! - I'll blame my age haha!
C'mon girl - sort yourself out!!!
Good wishes to all for a happy gf Sunday x

Morning Little Miss who just cruised into the "Century Club" WOW that is so wonderful and I am really proud of you.

Just reading your last post and to be honest you didn't seem overjoyed, or eager, to embrace the beauty and wonder of a sunday morning. It reminded me of the Johnny Cash song "Sunday Morning Sidewalk."

We all get our fair share of the blues but it does pass and in time to come you will see things in a better light. We might think we still have some delusional fondness for gambling but that is crazy when we think back to the misery it has caused us. It's like someone who has endured domestic violence but still harbours affection for the perpetrator. It just doesn't make any sense. But there again nothing about compulsive gambling does make any sense.

You are a lovely lady, you have a wonderful family and you deserve happiness in your life. Be gentle with yourself. Give, little miss lost, plenty of love, and show her how to get home.

Take care...stephen x

Lml, ease up on yourself Lady! Well done for riding those urges and having concrete blocks in place. Be kind to yourself and we are all here for you, take care Sx

100 days - looks like you've been working out the maths Stephen!!
Thanks for caring, you're so very kind.
Yep 100 days. So many levels to gambling and so many stages before we can get to recovery.
Without this site being my go to and release, I would be struggling so much more than I am.
Wonderful to have the support from people who understand.
We're all in this together, that means we can all succeed together!!
Happy days!! X

Hi lil Miss wild child ☺

Well done on riding the storm out yesterday! I see a little ripples present but don't you worry (child) it will pass!
Anyhoo..nobody would want to pop 99 balloons anyway so massive massive high five to reaching the century & Now the only way is forwards ☺

Keep ranting and talking, that's what this lil box is about!

Have a good one and stay safe!..& Of course be proud!

S&B xx

Thanks S & B,
I'm getting there. Through the good days and the bad. Looking at the bigger picture I'm happy as long as they're all gf.
Good day today because I have got a new bank card. I can now use it online and in shops. I don't need to have to limit myself to cash only now because I have Gamban downloaded on my mobile. My only vice is online so now that I have Gamban I can't get on casino sites on my phone.
That means I don't have to be restricted to cash. It drove me mad having to keep checking I had drawn enough money out for everything I did and needed.
I showed my daughter how upon looking for gambling sites my phone just blocks them. That was because when she saw my new bank card she was rightly worried.
Happy days! X

Hey!

New bank card huh..glad to hear of your joy esp knowing that you're feeling safe with the barriers you put down! Good on you! What did I tell you about peace of mind ☺

My chin is as high as it can be (got a stick supporting it 😉 )

All is ok, Thanks for your kind words.
I didn't put smile on your face this week...yet, but watch this space 🙂

Take care and keep moving on..youre doing it so Please - be PROUD!

ps...lil girl said lil yawn & scratch and a sweet dreams to come. (& Thanks for the scratch behind her ear the other day)

S&B xx

Morning Little Miss Wonderful. Thankyou for posting on my diary, it is heartwarming to see you tiptoeing around the diaries, giving support and encouagement to your friends.

Salsa class tonight so will be dancing my socks off ~ a latin twist, a mambo turn, i'm gonna make the dancefloor burn.

Hey LML, How are you doing? How’s your last week been. Scott

Thanks S&B, Abstainer and Scott.
Lovely to receive your posts.
I suppose to some extent I'm feeling proud S&B - over 3 months without spending a penny on online slots, for me and my addiction that's an achievement.
Unfortunately that's where it ends. My credit score is absolutely shot and the worry is starting to niggle that I think my mortgage deal is up in march - what will happen then? Will it go up and me not be able to get a new one?
In the past I've always been able to change without much problem but that was before my terrible credit score.
I don't have a credit card for emergencies - I messed my last one up in a mad 2 week splurge.
All my debts are on my dmp now so I can't use the cards anymore or get another one.
That makes me panic a bit that I've no fall back if anything goes wrong with my car, boiler etc. Even without gambling I only ever have very little money left at the end of the month.
Anyway sorry to whinge but I find it helps to put it down on here.
Abstainer - I hope your latest trip to doctors helps to get you sorted, try to keep those toes a tapping!
Scott, thanks for asking - my week has not been the best. Work has been difficult, manic and hard work making me wonder, once again, if I'm in the right job!
I'm not afraid of hard work but sometimes you just get pushed too far for what you get out of it. I haven't got the guts to try something else, I can't even think what I'd do and where would I get the time off that I get now? (Teaching assistant ) granted the holidays show in your pay packet but you do get used to them.
On a positive I've had a couple of lovely social events with friends and yummy food - I really do enjoy to eat haha! My friends bring me joy, we have a good moan, we have a good laugh then go our separate ways for a while Г nd catch up again at a later date.
Anyways, I must go and do some housework (unfortunately, it doesnt come naturally and I have to force myself!) but I'm always glad when I've done something!
Happy gf weekend all, be kind to yourselves xx

Just a thought, has the format changed for the layout on the forum recovery members menu or have I accidently pressed a button on my phone to change it? X

I haven’t noticed a change to the layout myself LML. You don’t have to apologise for just being honesty and open on here. Your honesty in posts and how your thoughts flow from one thing to another in them I think is great as like you say, it’s an outlet and it’s good sometimes just to get it off your mind I think. I know it certainly helps me. I’m going to be writing one myself soon hehe.

Getting past 3 months is defo something to be proud of. Are you being expected to do more and more in your teaching assistant job or is it just pressures for the normal stuff you have to do? I know a few people who say the same thing about the holidays and how it’s reflected in the pay packet. One person in particular wants to move job but honestly would miss the holidays.

I am sorry to hear financial concerns are still causing you worry, it’s completely understandable though. Are you at least in a state where you are managing the debts and they are slowly going down? I know even if they go down it can be horrible to see so much money going out and can be a reminder of your past gambling activities. I can only hope as this gets less and less, you will feel better about this.

Great to hear about your socialising, having a good moan amongst the fun with friends can certainly help us feel connected to others and perhaps aware that we are not the only ones with problems and issues. Enjoy another gambling free weekend Lml. Scott

Wishing you well " Little Miss Everything Looks Bigger". Ha ha your not on your own, mine looks different as well, think the writings more distinct, or bigger or somethings not quite the same.

Your well setled in the Century Club now. Great progress, good attitude and great sense of humour. Keep going forward at a steady pace and you will be just fine. We have the knowledge, the courage and the will, so let's do this.

Gambling is not our friend and never has been. The addiction will tell us otherwise but we know better now.

I wish I'd had a teaching assistant at school. All my teachers seemed to be lacking in interest and enthusiasm. My French teacher used to call me an imbecile, needless to say I didn't amount to much.

On waking last sunday you were not the jolliest bunny in the world. How about tomorrow morning you jump out bed, throw your arms in the air and shout What A Lovely Day..... I will be listening out.

Take care ...stephen x