Uphill struggle

Hi Scott, thanks for your time. I'm paying towards my dmp each month but I can only afford just over ВЈ50 so It doesn't go down that much or very quick seen as I'd stupidly got myself into over £20,000 of debt (who me??? The girl who'd never had a bank loan and panicked if I slipped into my overdraft!!!). I also pay my brother money back each month. I suppose every month sees my debts going the right way - down, so I mustn't grumble. I know for a fact if I carried on gambling it would just be on the up and up
Stephen (ooh listen at me - first name terms! Haha!) Thanks for your post. You always make me smile! I hope the children at my school don't talk about me in later life like you talk about yours! At least I can honestly say that whilst I'm at work I can put all my troubles behind me because I don't have a minute to think about them!
The kids can drive me mad but at the same time they can make me laugh out loud. Unfortunately , Some of them have many struggles, how can I compare my problems to some of the ones they have to deal with at such a young age? I sometimes, in my darker moments have to remember this.
Anyway, I better get some sleep seen as I've got a job to do in the morning. I'm glad you said shout and not sing, I haven't the sweetest of voices haha! By the way Stephen . . . If I shout very loud you very nearly could hear me. It depends if you're red and white or black and white!! I'll say no more. . .
Nightee night x

Well, I'm happy to say I feel in a better place this morning than I did last Sunday. What's different?? (Other than following Stephens advice above! haha!) Nothing really, just my thoughts. Amazing how our own thoughts can be responsible for the way we feel. How we sometimes forget that we have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us. Yes, outside factors have to be taken into account but it is how we deal with whatever is thrown at us which ultimately leads to how we are feeling emotionally.
At the moment I'm struggling a bit, especially at work. I'm just going to have to face up to the challenges and get on with it otherwise I could drag myself down and it's not how I want to feel. I want to be happy with my lot because I know I'm lucky, I have a lot to be happy about.
Here I go, waffling again . . . Thank you diary, you help me along and enable me to speak some of my thoughts. As some say, it's better to get them out than have them festering inside.
Happy Sunday everyone. May we all have the strength to cope with our worries, overcome our self -doubt and feel happier for doing so x

Hello Little Miss Contemplative. I liked the following lines from your last post which says so much in just a few words :

1/ " We have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us ."

2/ " Outside factors have to be taken into account but it is how we deal with whatever is thrown at us which ultimately leads to how we are feeling emotionally."

It has been bleak and blustery in the northeast of England today. I live in a little coastal community called Hull on the banks of the River Humber where sleet and cold northerly winds have been blowing.

I have noticed that some of the diaries belong to friends from overseas. I'm guessing you are a teaching assistant in Rio and enjoy lazing around Copacabana beach or maybe you are basking in the sun in Surfers Paradise.

I don't think the gambling addiction is too fussy about who and where it's victims come from. People are drawn from all over the place, young, old, rich, poor, it doesn't discriminate. Gambling addiction promotes equal opportunity amongst tortured souls drawn in by this demonic tyrant.

Take care. Wishing you well over the coming week..stephen

Glad to hear you feeling a bit more positive LML, you deserve all the happiness you can get. We really do have a lot of thought pain that’s for sure, we can create worlds of misery inside our heads when in the outside there isn’t really anything that intrinsically is making us suffer, it’s all mental thought pain. That’s not to diminish the effect on us, but it is worth noting. Scott

Haha! Stephen, you do make me laugh. Maybe you missed my hint towards the bottom of my post #453.
I've never heard of the Humber being referred to as Copacabana beach or Surfers paradise!
Sounds like your English/writing class is paying off, judging by your use of descriptive language to the bottom of my post #455!
Scott - thanks for your comments. You're doing so well. Keep battling on, we all have different experiences through gambling but we're all hoping for the same outcome, (to quote Stephen) to be 'tortured souls' no more. We need to be kinder to ourselves. We can do this, 'cos we're worth it!! x

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse !!!

Hi Lml glad you're ok, indeed it's amazing how you can do your own head in (I do this frequently ) I'd say in the 1st 100-150 days of not gambling I swear I didn't know who I was in anyway, But now I try and keep things reasonably simple...ish lol.A friend who has had mental health issues said recently 'thoughts come and go through our heads but we don't have to act on them, we can just let them go' a bit random but true! Here's to another GF week, month, year and beyond. Take care Sx

Reading the last two posts brings home to me the power of our thoughts.

Little Miss Lost wrote : "Our thoughts can be responsible for the way we feel. How we sometimes forget that we have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us."

A friend of Sharon said : "Thoughts come and go through our heads but we don't have to act on them, we can just let them go."

A problem we have as compulsive gamblers is ridding our minds of unwanted thoughts of gambling. Now and then these thoughts will undoubtedly come into our heads. If they are ignored they might move on, but if they are allowed to get their feet under the table, than they don't want to go.

We can't function without thoughts, every action starts off as a thought. Maybe we need to employ 'Thought Police' to check the credentials of incoming thoughts. That might seem improbable but a well known meditation involves sitting quietly whilst observing our thoughts coming and going.

Like society has good and bad so our minds also have good and bad . We have to just juggle it about and get on with it. If a member of society behaves badly than he or she is banished and we must do likewise with our destructive thoughts.

Well my plan is to live each day with positive thoughts, a belly full of hope and a smile on my face....As Captain Sparrow said : "What could possibly go wrong?"

Hi all, thanks sharon and abstainer, once again, for your messages and thoughts.
I haven't been posting on here for a few days but I have still been looking in. I can only usually look in on an evening and to be honest it takes a fair while to catch up with people's posts, let alone post myself.
Unfortunately, there are many out there who I think I'll send them a message, either because they do not get an actual response from other members and I don't want them to think they're alone or its because their story resonates with me. Most times, I just don't have the time to respond and I regularly doze off halfway through writing a post, my eyes just won't stay open!
To all out there who feel alone in their struggles. There are others who are reading your diary and sharing this journey with you.
Please keep posting if it helps you to focus and stay on the right path. We are all in this together.
Never think no-one cares if you don't get a response because we do and what you write could help many others to understand what they are going through and not feel alone.
Happy weekend to all x

That’s a lovely sentiment LML, great thoughts. I also do the same in that regard. How are you feeling this week? How’s it been? Scott

Hi Scott,
bit of a mixed bag this week but can't complain.
Just when I was letting work get on top of me I received great feedback for what I do. Call me fickle but it's amazing how it picks you up.
I suppose it applies to all areas of our oh so busy lives. An unexpected well done or thank you does wonders for most. Doesn't have to be any grand gesture. It's just that sometimes people/loved ones can be taken for granted and a simple thankyou or message of appreciation can lift the spirits - fellas - a little bunch of unexpected flowers wouldn't go amiss - haha!!
Ah well, seeing my friend tonight, going for an Indian meal. Used to be unheard of, would rather be sat in bed losing on the slots. I feel no guilt treating myself every now and then - I'm worth it lol!! Xx

Hi Lml, you are no way fickle! Praise where it's due. Gambling seems to such us dry of positives including selfworth and confidence.Hope you had a nice meal, you're worth it Sx

You're right Sharon, it does.
I had a lovely evening thank you, made even better with a lift there and back from my lovely kids (payback for the many lifts in mums taxi!!) Haha!
I realised this morning that when I got home last night I didn't think about gambling. I know I can't now because of gamban but it doesn't mean I don't think about it! Usually a Saturday night is a difficult night for me.
Anyway I'm just planning what to do with my day. Got a few jobs to do but might fit a walk around the park nearby in as well.
Seems a good day today, I'm counting my blessings.
All good wishes x

I say lovely kids, they're by no means perfect but then again who is?!!
It just helps that when any problems arise I feel in a better position to help/deal with them and not feel like screaming 'I've got problems of my own you know - does anybody care about them??' Like I have felt like doing in my secretive gambling days past.
Gambling makes us selfish - yes but it also raises our stress levels, we're only human and there's only so much we can cope with.
Onwards and upwards. Happy Sunday everyone x

No one is perfect and yep we are all only human, we all have our own issues in different ways.

How’s your week going so far LML? Scott