Uphill struggle

Hi lil miss wild child!

Half a year of freedom ey? Get you! Wonderful and very weldone for making the right choice each and every day!

I have to admit something...the rant you had the other day...it made me laugh...why? Because of creative swear words you used! Wow lil kid, you truly have an imagination 😀

Brilliant to read you sorted it all out. I am 100% sure it gave quite a shock to you!

Keep on keeping on and keep staying safe!

Xx

Hi Lml glad Stepchange is ok! I've been on a dmp for 8 years which is shocking but I have buckled down and should be free a year from now. I have totally changed my relationship with money as before I thought nothing of gambling everything I had (and more) online bot wouldn't spend a tenner on myself in real life!! Hope you're having a good weekend take care S 🙂

Thanks Sandra and sharon. Your kind words are always appreciated.
To be honest Sandra, I haven't been gamble free for 6 months it's actually 150 days today so it's more like 5 months. I just used 6 months because I was being 'creative' again!! Haha!
Had to look back at my 'creative' swear words. Proof again that I'm 'little miss (not so) wild child'!! haha! I'm glad you're up and at it again. You can do it!
Sharon, you're a shining example. You know where we are now , you've been there and you've proved it can be done. I'm so happy that your life has improved for all of your hard work and efforts to remain gf. I'll be proud to follow in your footsteps.
All good wishes to everyone on this rocky path. Never give up. We deserve to give ourselves another chance because as from today, we are all worthy of a better life. x

Congratulations Little Miss Serendipity. 150 days since you last gambled.

I am so proud of you and feel quite inspired by your continued good progress.

Always take care my friend and maintain that forward momentum. Respectfully yours with a big hug ...stephen x

Thanks Stephen, lovely words again.and hugs are always appreciated! Lol!
just read my text again that says we are all worthy of a better life.
Blimey, when you look around there are certainly lots of better lives out there. How people manage to get them goodness only knows? Risk takers? hard workers? Does it depends on who you know or what you know? Or is it they're just in the right place at the right time? I suppose there's the opposite as well. There's some people living in dire circumstances and my life is positively luxurious in comparison.
How does this happen? Do we really have any say in how our life is or is it all mapped out for us??
They say nothing changes if nothing changes. Does that mean for things to get better we must change which can take lots of effort on our part to make those changes or does fate play a hand? I suppose we've got to remember that all that glitters is not gold. What we see from the outside looking in can appear to be perfect but it can be far from it.
People who sit back and believe in whatever will be, will be, are they under achievers because they've not consciously put some effort in? Questions, questions. . .
At the moment, I'm still at the stage of being happy in a morning when I wake up and realise I haven't lost a penny the night before. A truly wonderful feeling compared to the many occasions when I have positively struggled to get myself out of bed because I had been up till 5am then lost any winnings I may have accumulated along with £500 off a credit card!
Onward and upward - slowly does it but the view is a lot better from up here. Come and join me. Look around , see all that's wonderful, special and precious and enjoy!!
All good wishes x

Hello Little Miss Philosophical. Hope your happy and well.

Loved your last post which I have read several times over the past week. Quite thought provoking and led me to re-evaluate some of my preconceived ideas, passions and prejudices.

Whatever ups and downs we might experience in life, it is good to wake up in a morning gamble free...stephen x

Hey LML,

That last paragraph you wrote was lovely to read. Onwards and upwards indeed. I have always liked reading your story because of your incredible honesty and frankness. Don’t change that as you really do see the full picture of your journey, the good and bad moments and the thoughts that ring true for many others on here I am sure. We can see parts of ourselves echoed throughout your writings too and it helps in feeling like we are not alone. You have been GF for a long time now and as you say - you can afford little treats and don’t wake up with the huge guilt and terrible financial situations that you used to find yourself in. I am very pleased that the increase in debt you mentioned was a mistake as that did seem a large increase.

Hope you have a lovely weekend, Scott

Hello all,
I'm still here, and happy to report that I'm still keeping off the slots.
I've not written on here for a while. I've dropped in and out but it's upsetting to see so many new people joining, all struggling, but at the moment I don't feel able to help - strange but I'll just have to go with it.
I'm still finding things a bit difficult. It upsets me to know that deep down I still yearn for the thrill of the slots. I wish it would go away but no, it's still lurking, waiting to catch me out. Thank goodness I can't gamble on my phone now because I know that I would have given in if I could.
Thank you Stephen and Scott for your kind words. I understand what you're saying with regards to writing warts and all. It is good to know others are going through similar things to ourselves and we're not alone in our sometimes 'disturbing' thoughts. I love it when someone writes 'we are not bad people, we have just lost our way a bit and it could happen to anyone. . . We can recover from this . . .' I remember that when I was at desperation point and at my lowest this is what I needed to read. Hearing someone say those words to me when I couldn't possibly bring myself to believe it because I felt so scared that I would feel and be like this for the rest of my life was a godsend. Knowing that people had also felt like this but managed to escape from the shackles of gambling was so good to know - hearing that no matter how much of a mess we have got ourselves into, there is hope and with help, recovery is possible. Yes, the debts don't just disappear but we learn to deal with them. The hard bit is facing up to them, admitting them and asking the likes of stepchange to help us get ourselves back on track again. It's a hard task to face but it is so worth it because our metal health takes a massive battering with this addiction.
We must keep battling, my life, mental health, self-worth is improving. Long may it continue. Sending strength to all who need it, you are not alone. There is help out there if you need it. There is no disgrace in falling into the trap of this awful addiction. We are just the unlucky ones. It's time to turn things around, seek help, accept our losses because deep down we know we will never win because we cannot stop, only then will our luck will change.
Good wishes to all - we are all worthy. x

Hi lml great post and inspirational, I felt that way too disgusted and ashamed of myself for being an addict to gambling but like that person said we aren’t bad ppl. Sorry to hear you still get a pull towards slots but so happy your gf. It’s a very very tough addiction. I think I’ll always think about the things but hopefully it’ll be lot less than now. Yes debts the one thing that always reminds us doesn’t it but at least now we aren’t getting into any more debt and it can only get better staying gf. I know what you mean about so many new ppl it’s upset me too and like you want to help but I’m not in right place yet. Glad your ok lml bestest of wishes Lulu x

Hi LML great post yesterday, can relate to so many things...Other peoples kindness and encouragement have definitely kept me going in dark times. Your right debts don't just disappear but like you I have them controlled and once my monthly payment goes out I try not to let them worry me. I also feel for new members and others struggling, such an awful addiction to fight. Hope you have a good GF day take care S:)

HI LML

Just a quick note to say hello and that I am happy to read you are still keeping strong. When thinking of the thrill try and remember the utter despair of the loss because that is th eonly guarantee when we gamble....we lose.

Stay strong and thanks for all your kind words on my diary they helped me at some very low points in my life.

Matt

Lovely to receive the above posts - thankyou.
Lulu and Sharon. We are so similar in many ways and share many of the same struggles. Through voicing and sharing our struggles together on here I'm hoping that we can all travel down the right path and share our joy at being gamble free too! We must be in control of our own destiny and we must not let a money grabbing, heart breaking, soul stealing addiction rule our lives.

Matt. I've said it before and no doubt I'll say it again. If very there was a diary to read for anyone starting out on here it's yours.
In the early days my heart went out to you. You were hurting big style and the pain was there for us all to see. I'm so very happy that your strength of character (and your many wonderful friends!) pulled you through and has got you to where you are now. Loving life.
I'll keep battling. My mental resolve isn't where i want it to be and the blocks on my phone are a life saver at the moment but I suppose we are all different. As long as I stay gamble free, life has to be good.
All good wishes xx

Morning Little Miss Magnificent I have been reading your posts and have come to the conclusion that you are an absolutely treasure. I love reading all your posts but was deeply moved by your contribution last Sunday.

It takes much courage to examine our thoughts, feelings and emotions. However, this is not to be confused with dwelling moodily on our mistakes and misfortunes. I often reflect on what I should or shouldn't be thinking or doing but I do it in a haphazard way and I get lost in my own thoughts.

You on the other hand seem to have a constructive and methodical approach to addiction and recovery. Maybe this is aided by your teacher training and life skills.

1/ You have identified the enemy with whom you must either do battle or ignore. Both strategies can work.

2/ You have carried out Risk Assessments which identify the dangers you are faced with.

3/ With regard to your everyday life, family matters and social interactions you have devised Codes Of Practice which signpost the way forward.

Wishing you contentment, happy days and good adventures...stephen x

4/

Well Stephen, I'm flattered by your lovely words and time spent in evaluating my diary.
I must admit, I never set out to write as long a posts as I do but once I start writing the words just seem to keep flowing!
It's quite therapeutic to write them down, I feel once I've said it , I can let it go and it makes it feel more real. When I re-read some of the things I've written I can't understand why I should still feel the need to want to gamble. I can talk the talk, I know that to succeed I need to walk the walk so why do I keep wanting to trip myself up!! It baffles me!
Anyway, peace and happiness to anyone who's struggling at the moment. You can make things better if you really want to. Don't beat yourself up, sit down with a cuppa and a pen and paper. Write where you want to be (even if it's just to get through 1 gamble free day) and what you have to do to get there. You don't have to do everything now, take it one step at a time. Think, today I will do this, tomorrow I will do that. Just getting some self-control back into your life can make you feel so much better. Get yourself on the road to recovery and don't look back!
All good wishes x

Hello Little Miss Magnanimous. Thank you so much for your post on my diary, just what I needed to brighten up the day.

Loved your last post. I also find it therapeutic to tip my thoughts out onto a piece of paper or even better, onto my diary. By releasing thoughts and feelings I can look at them more objectively and hopefully find constructive answers to mindblowing questions.

I have taken on board your advice regarding my bank card. It is going to be wrapped in a piece of paper on which is written the names of friends like yourself who are my rock as I do battle with the addiction. I say do battle but in fact, I intend to ignore the urges to gamble and treat the addiction with the contempt it deserves.

Wishing you a good week...stephen x