Uphill struggle

Great to hear from you Lml and you're enjoying the GF life. Takes a while but things slowly improve take care Sx

Morning, lovely to hear from all the above, thank you for your time.
Unfortunately Stephen, your verse is a sad tale but true! Hopefully somebody reading it though can realise that no matter how desperate you are, it can be done.

Loxxie - my mentor! You gave me strength and encouragement when I felt that I was a lost cause and you were the proof that it could be done. I used to read your posts and think how wonderful it would be to achieve what you had. . . . More time with your family and friends, going on trips to watch shows in London etc with your daughters. I wanted to be able to do that, you'd proved that it could be done. Well I've been away with my friend for a few days and it was lovely that I could pop in a cafГ© and buy whatever I liked without looking at the cheapest thing like I used to etc. A small thing to some people but a big thing to me!!

Sharon, my guiding star! Your recovery has also given me inspiration. Your words of encouragement have seen me through many a rough time when I have had to battle the demons in my head. I look at your recovery and also want to follow in your footsteps.
I think it will be a never ending journey but I now feel that I am more in control of my life.
In the past, I have felt so scared that I would never be able to stop gambling and I hated the 'monster' that I'd become. Panic, despair, self-hatred and feeling frightened have all been in my past. There's no way I want it to come back and ruin my present. In that case the future can only look good.
Anybody struggling please make today the last day. Get some blocks in place, you probably don't want to but for me it was the only thing that worked. I lost thousands trying to do it with willpower alone, I always failed.
Ring stepchange for help with debts, they're free and really help. Take control for YOU- because YOU really are worth it!!
All good wishes x
.

Pleasure to read your posts...
Like a flower growing in the sun..
Sooooo proud of you...
No more the " little miss lost"
Much more ...." little miss blooming " ...
Xx

Thanks for posting Lml, I am slowly being kinder to myself! Life is indeed for living isn't it? Thanks for your support Sx

Greetings dear friend and wise little miss, I hope all is well with nothing amiss

Summer is here so it's fun to be out, ice-cream on the beach or gadding about

Life can be jolly i'm sure you'll agree, keep your foot on the pedal and stay gamble free...stephen x

Hi Lml I wholeheartedly agreed with your post on @Stephen67s diary, these ads portray gambling as 'the norm' and almost like a sophisticated hobby....makes me sick! I read an article in a daily paper today about gambling addicts ending it all, totally heartbreaking 🙁 As with smoking maybe there should be government ads with the poor family members that are left behind. Sorry to be rant and thanks for being such a rock Sx

Hello mon amigo. No longer stuck in the lost and found - blocks in place your sound as a pound.

I loved your post on my diary which really said it like it is. Both the advertising by bookmakers and their behaviour leave a lot ri be desired. Shameful I think I would call it.

As Sharon pointed out in her above post ....: "These ads portray gambling as the norm and almost like a sophisticated hobby... makes me sick."..... Well it makes me sick as well to think of the misery they feed on.

Take care little one...stephen x

Morning Little Miss Lionheart and gamcare legend. Hope life is treating you well and you are enjoying the summer, out and about with family and friends as you enjoy your gamble free life.

Early on a Sunday morning and I can picture you enjoying a nutritional breakfast after your early morning jog. I cheered a friend on at the Costello Stadium Race For Life last Sunday. Wow that was such an incredibly atmosphere and the minutes silence at the beginning brought a tear to many an eye.

Life can be a such a great adventure with tears and laughter both. Challenges can make or break us but are there to be enjoyed. We can laugh and smile as we embrace the wonder that is life. As likely as not this will be our one and only visit to this lump of rock whizzing through space (with me and you hanging on for dear life). Well we're not going to fall off so let's just lighten up and enjoy the experience...stephen x

Good morning. Long time no see.
I'm not too sure what to write. Not a lot to report really other than I've kept off the online slots.
I'll be honest and say unfortunately I lost some money at the bingo. I started playing the games on the board and realised how dangerous that could be. I only took a small amount of money when I went because I knew I couldn't trust myself and I only went once every 2/3 weeks but one week I won ВЈ50 and I put it back in on the games. I walked out thinking, 'what are you playing at, you'll never win because you can't stop so what is the point??' I, my gambling brain, stupidly OK'd going with myself thinking I don't spend money on anything else so it was my treat for my hard days at work. I only took ВЈ30 with me but the last time I left after putting the ВЈ50 winnings back in l thought that I could have taken my girls out for something to eat with that £30 and had a lovely few hours in their company instead of being sat on my own in a bingo hall.
I haven't been back and I haven't had the urge to go back, that was a month ago.
I'd love to be able to say I haven't gambled but what I can say is i'm so much better than I used to be, I don't very often get urges and when I do my head does think 'what's the point?'
I used to lose thousands of pounds online which wasn't mine to lose (credit cards) all lost in a gambling fog. I'm happy to say that fog has cleared. I am beginning to see clearer now and my gambling mental health is much improved.
I pop onto this site regularly, it's great to see some of the 'old timers' (no offence!) back, sharing their wisdom and giving all the newbies hope.
Problems in my personal life has left me struggling emotionally but these things happen. I need to toughen up and put myself first. Hard having feelings for someone and them not to return them or commit. So why do they keep in touch acting as though they care? It messes with my head!
My family are all well, my 2yr old grandson is a joy to be with. They are all coming for Sunday dinner today.
When it comes to family I am truly blessed so what more could I want.
Big hello to all who remember me and have helped me along the way, Happy Sunday to everyone, stay strong and remember we all deserve to be happy. x

Hey miss...
Noticed the other day that you hadn't been around for a while....
But glad you're on love...
You're stronger than you think hun. ...walking away from that bingo hall prooves that. ...ok...so you spent....won. ...then lost. ..
But you've learnt .....it wont ever bring you happiness....you know that.....and you've processed that you can stop....so it's another lesson in you're recovery....not a negative....it's a posative....give your self a pat on the back for realising it will only end in tears
I'm sorry to hear personnel life's not fantastic. .....but you're strong and will deal with it....
Have a wonderfull day with family love.....and be kind to you're self....know body said recovery is straight forward....or runs a straight line.....but least your well on you're way.....xx

Thanks for your post loxxie, you were there to pick the pieces up for me many months (years!) ago any you're there for me now.
Happy to report that I'm in a lot better place now with regards to gambling. I know many say that it's all or nothing but I have to admit that I occasionally mess up but it's nowhere near what I used to do. That may make me a failure in some eyes but to me it's bearable. I'm in a much better place psychologically. I go to sleep, not thinking about slots. I wake up, not thinking about slots and I go to work and don't think about slots so that's got to be an improvement yes??!
I'm sorry to hear about your mum and I understand what you're saying when you say it's our turn to return all the love and care that we've received. I'm going through a similar situation but probably not as time consuming as my brother lives with her. I don't begrudge her one minute of my time because she has earn it a thousand times over.
It is lovely to have you back on the forum.
I've had a lovely day with family, I'd like to think my Sunday dinner would have done duncsmanc proud. Not exactly wild boar but the beef brisket went down well!
Tricky to come on here when you know you've kind of messed up but I'm glad I did. We must remember this site is not just here to record the successes, it's here to help people through a difficult addiction, a place where we can say how we're feeling and receive support to help us through some difficult times.
I have had many a difficult, soul destroying, dark day, Happy to report that black heavy cloud that used to weigh me down has now gone. If you're reading this feeling all hope has gone please don't despair. I went down the stepchange route, yes it meant I had to admit to my poor finances but it has helped me so much once I had put that effort in. They understand and are there to help, not to criticise. So if debt is weighing you down contact them immediately. Having somebody help you and give you advice is always beneficial
All good wishes x

Posted the above and realised its Duncanmac with his wild boar! I didn't want to come out of my diary and lose it all to check! x

Hey miss
Hope all's ok with you love...
Trouble logging in I hope...
Take care...x

Hi loxxie, quite a long time since I've been on here.
Once again I'm coming up to Christmas and inside I'm an absolute wreck. Well, to be honest, after all of my previous experiences I'm getting quite used to dealing with my failures which in turn turns to self - hatred.

Studpidly, idiotically and heartbreakingly I sought and I found 1 site that allowed me to play after all of my barriers etc.
Now, hundreds of pounds later, most of which I've borrowed, I'm back to living in my own personal hell hole which I have painstakingly dug evening after evening, until I feel like I can no longer climb out. I just about used my money up in my bank. I spend an upsetting day thinking I'll have to ask to borrow off someone, I try one one more time with what little money remained and win back the money to put back into bank - all's good yes. Stop now!!!! No, I go and spend that too. Why? Why? Why?

I sink to having to ask to borrow from elderly parents so that I can get back on track saying I need money to do some repairs. I put the money back into bank only to consciously chip away at it night after night until I have none. No repairs made, even though family are in the process of arranging for me to have them done. I bail myself out again, go to pawn my ring, raise some cash. Stood in the shop, I can't believe I'm having to pawn my ring - what am I doing? Why am I putting myself in this position - for what??? A stupid game with bonuses and free spins. I just can't get enough. Why am I now wired this way??
At least pawing my ring has given me a reprieve and some money in my bank to get me through Christmas. Not enough to pay for repairs but... That's good yes? I can buy food and put petrol in my car and buy a few last minute presents?! Well it would be if I wasn't such an addicted fool thinking all I have to do is win a few hundred then I'll stop because I'll be able to make the repairs aswell, then all my worries will be over. If I win, I won't have to admit to being an addicted, brainwashed zombie again. I suppose we can all guess the outcome. I won a big fat nothing, So here I am. Sat thinking I'm in the same old position, upset, hating myself over Christmas again. I spend months gamble free then just blow it in a mad few weeks. Always seems to be near to Christmas.

What next?? Face and admit to the family, face friends or just pray for a miracle that will never ever happen? When all I want to do is hide away and lick my wounds.
I have to draw strength from somewhere or else I'll just crumble and turn into a jibbering wreck.
Hundreds might not sound like I've lost a lot of money to many people but I have a dmp through previous debts and I cannot get any credit any more. Not even an overdraft at bank. I have little money left after bills at the end of the month even though I work full time.
I hate returning and admitting to failing again but reading some posts on this site last night gave me hope and that's something I need in bucketfulls at the moment. I feel the need to share my sorry story with people who understand the pull of the online slots. Put all this behind me, start again and learn to love myself.

Sending strength to all who's in my situation x

Every journey must start somewhere, and yours starts right here!

I’ve only just begun my journey so hop aboard and we’ll head off into paradise together. A beautiful world where gambling plays no part.

For every day that you don’t gamble, a part of you will return.

There are many, many people in the same boat as you. You’re not alone. Let’s make something special happen. It’s time to get off this sickly ride.