Welcome to the " Hotel California "

Legend

Posted by: Jason58199

I do watch from afar, I’m not here that often anymore. But when I do come I check for the guys and gals of old. I’m still trying to get my head around the update seems less user friendly?   I did want to post something yesterday about the thread that was closed, I think the ability to share private messages or information has been around a long time, way before we even started posting. From what I’ve read and experienced some members have truly bonded beyond these walls.  I did used to be a member of the Facebook group and can honestly say I don’t know if I would be coming on 3 years gamble free without them (your self and others on her included)  I think at one point there was around 47 members in the group and can honestly say I never saw an argument in there.  Many are still my friends on Facebook and although we don’t speak that often their still there if we need  each other.  I think sometimes all we need to do is have that extra connection, something as addicts we didn’t have.  I honestly thought I was the only compulsive gambler in the world until I found this place on the back of a scratch card.  Good to see the legend bavalarrrr and our Loxie still knocking around, if I can find out how to find their diary’s I’ll send the a post. 

Really I just popped on to see if you’ve got battered chips down south yet?

Now that's a post Jason :)) , shame it's on my diary instead of one of your's old buddy ? . 

Your right mate so many friendships formed on here by people who've fought their way through this mess we found ourselves in , seems along time ago now since we all first rocked up all broken and messed up but we patched each other up and moved forward with life one day a time eh ? . 

Still not mastered the Orange chip thing's yet but just like you and yer diary " Maybe one day " :)) . 

Talk to you soon old mate and much love to you and your's and Bal and His ( can't get the thought of him in kilt outta maaa heeeed :)) xx

 Witnessed a car crash outside this morning and had to give a satement to the police , fortunately nobody injured just some twisted metal . 

Been thinking since about all those "Sliding doors" moments we have in our live's where a few minutes early or late or turning left instead of right can make a difference in how our life pan's out or stop's completely ?. 

I actually rocked up here by accident as I didn't really know this type of place existed until I'd googled " Painless way's to die " which then one way or another took me to a link for the Samaritans and then problems with gambling and other Addictions . 

If I hadn't found it what would have been the next chapter in my life had it continued at all ?. 

I remember meeting my partner a few months after my ex had walked out leaving me to deal with all the issues that surrounded it , I really wasn't looking for another relationship TBH as all I needed to focus on was my kids and how I was going to manage to bring my son up and pay the mortgage now that I had only one income , plus find enough for the divorce settlement . 

I met her of all places in the middle of a Rugby pitch at school , her son had started there at the beginning of the new term but my boy had  been there for few yrs , they were chucking the ball to each other and we exchanged a couple of words and then went our seperate ways , obviously we'd bump into each other at various school events and it just went from there really and we've now been together for just over 9 yrs. 

It's funny but when all the poo was hitting the fan with my divorce she never once doubted me and her trust ,loyalty and support has been something I will always cherish and remember . 

This really has nothing to do with gambling other than Wondering where I would have been now if I'd not stumbled upon the forum or wandered across that pitch on any given day ?. 

I often mention to other posters particularly the new members how much gamble free time I have now , that's not gloating on my part but feel that it demonstrates how far I've come in a short period , how my life's changed beyond all recognition from the day I came here and that you can definately do this if it's what you truly want , my day count or me mentioning it doesn't always sit well with some here and I'm not really sure why if I'm honest as to me it doesn't matter if someones a day, week month or year clean , just so long as you've stopped causing damage . 

I didn't reach this point easily , as it took all of my strength and bucket loads of support from everyone on here before I got to the good place I find myself in today and remember all too well those gut wrenching feelings fighting off the urges to gamble time and time again until they began to subside , all I know is that for me it was worth every fight I had with gambling to get here and live a fulfilling life once again :)) .

Love to all still in the fight :)) x 

Just to add - I think it's a testimony to your recovery that you dedicate so much time and effort to helping others crawl up the ladder of gamble free days.

No exaggeration, but I probably wouldn't be this far in without your initial and ongoing support. Thanks man.

re: your recovery... How many days again? Coming up to 4 years? I think you've mentioned it once or twice but I can't be sure... ??????

Your post was heartwarming by the way. Beautiful sentiments to help me pass my break at work ? bring on the rest of the shift now... ?

Speaking of sliding door moments - looking back over the last 9 months I can pinpoint specific times at the beginning where I was so lost, devoid of any hope or direction... Had I not received specific posts from people like yourself, ALN and Donna I would have probably in those moments done away with Gamcare and attempted to go this alone again, and undoubtedly failed knowing my previous record.

I also remember chatting to a lady called Sapphira on here who sadly doesn't grace these shores anymore. This was a few months after I got into all this and on the surface it probably seemed like it was me supporting her but thinking about it - it was very much symbiotic. Had I not met her on here I would've probably buckled at some point and reverted to my wicked ways. She was AMAZING with gambling analogies and metaphors (something I relish on here ?)

I do think about her to this day and hope she is ok. When they offer us a silent period at GA to reflect on those who are still out there battling gambling my mind wanders to her. 

Tee Heee :)) 

Just been flipping through some music on my library collection and what a mixed bag of sound's those are :)) 

All tunes that take me back to certain periods of my life and I see the surroundings all around as though it were yesterday . 

Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep and the pushbike song from my early childhood along with some beatles track's I'd hear my auntie playing on an old record player concealed in a wooden box , that box was one day passed on to me and the sloop john b would grace it's turntables as i dreamed of sailing away to a distant shore :)). 

Take me to the mid seventies and all the glam rock in full swing , then onto my favourite the disco scene , o*g all along to the Mecca ( not that one ) the high street disco where I'd have my best threads on trying to emulate Mr Travolta in Saturday night fever and what a pratt I must have looked ( I'm sure Bal will agree after last night's comment on his " WALKING FOOTBALL " :)). 

"Bat out of hell " took me through my driving test ( passed first time ) and remember being nervous as hell at the time , not quite sure why I chose that track TBH as it was about riding a bike but never the less it saw me through albeit at a time when people with red flags still walked in front of car's :(( . 

Earth , wind and fire tracks all played their part as did Adam and the ant's , phil collins took me through some emotional stuff as young love took over my life and in later life tracks from James Morrison played a part as I discovered love again .

The last time anything really significant took place was here and where the track from Jess Glynn did it's stuff  ( Take me home ) , I would play that song over and over until I knew every lyric and it seemed to sum up perfectly how I was feeling about my life , what I'd done and what this place and my loved one's meant to me . 

" Wrapped up so consumed by all this hurt "  " Will you take the wheel if I lose control " " You rationalize my darkest thought's , you set them free "   " You said space will make it better and time will make heal , I won't be lost for ever and soon I wouldn't feel like I'm falling " . 

Thank you for the music guy's xx 

Song by Kirsty McColl springs to mind 

There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis

Hugs x

It was as " Sure as egg's is egg's " :)) 

Kisses xx  ( How's the leg's ) ? :((

All good today. A damp rub down with a copy  of the sporting life works wonders.

Hugs x

I'd prefer  good rub down with a copy of  Margot Robbie TBH , but each to their own I suppose :)) 

Kisses xx 

Behave yourself 

Hey,

Thought i will visit hotel California!

Thanks for your recent post...meant a lot (not a joke).  I see you're doing incredibly well, keep up this good work, keep reaping the fruits recovery brings. 

Thanks for the well wishes to B also...she wiggled her nose when I told her "fish man" mentioned her in his post. You should work at butchers! That would be music to her ears lol...

Thanks Alan, i am ok and ...well, getting on with it all. Not adding problems on each other by gambling and so that's a positive ?

Stay safe, committed and winning for real!

S&B xx

Yo!

Thanks again..I wonder if I still make you jump seing my post on your thread ?..I'm coming with peace and hope you know that ?

Thanks for your honest share. Hope your little one will be so much relieved after surgery. They're our babies huh...most wonderful creatures in this world.

Yes, i guess you're right. Since I got Bella, things has changed. She teached me responsibility and self love. Self love mainly cause i had her to take care of...and without that I wouldn't been capable of.

She also teached me patience, staying in the moment, forgiveness, love, acceptance. I couldn't imagine my life without her now..truly wouldn't. The effect she keeps giving me is out of this world...I found honesty and compassion..peace..its amazing and i love her so much.

We always been here for each other...she comforted me when I cried, i comforted her after she went through pain..after surgeries...it was strange feeling..strange view even. ..just be close to each other..almost resting and also gaining strength to pull through tough times. It's hard to explain.

Yes, 99 more days sounds good lol...Will take me to 200 ?...it's just today what matters the most hun...life is not complicated really...how how we deal with it makes the difference.

Again, keep doing what you're doing...it's work huh ?

Well done and best wishes to you and your loved ones (hope all goes well with lil one)..keep us posted pls.

S&B xx

Thank you for jumping on to the f&f forum ... you are saint! 

You are a very kind man.

Cathy

Posted by: Amom_

Thank you for jumping on to the f&f forum ... you are saint! 

You are a very kind man.

Cathy

Hi Cathy (Amom ) :))

Saint..? :)) Wonder if they'll name something after me on Gamcare ? LOL :)) .

You word's are much appreciated Cathy but way to Complimentary TBH .

I've been here a while now and posted mainly or recoveries and newbies but the f&f's only for the last couple of years really as I would rather read than engage , I really owe them a debt of gratitude if I'm honest as they've taught me so much about what my gambling did to those I love and I think over time it's something every gambler should look at . 

It actually makes me kinda sad when a new poster on the f and f or newbies page turn up to be met with of a barrage of " Ignore this at your peril " and it scares me the amount of people on the receiving end who may take one look and be frightened away from a place that's supposed to be non judgmental and there for support ? . 

Anyway rant over for now , How are you is the important thing here ?  and from what I read there's improvement in your sons situation which is always good news as I know how long you've been at his side supporting him unconditionally just like Amom should :)). xx

Thank you once again Cathy for your ongoing support of others on these pages and your kind word's which are always accepted with the upmost respect x. 

Much love to you and your's 

Alan x