What I'm going to do...what about you?

Hi xenedra, I'm really pleased you're working on all these goals. I feel anxious and I'm not a cg, I'm the wife. One thing that bothers me about your list and something that is discussed in meetings. Kids in the arcade! That's where many parents believe there son/ daughter started. They also think it's hereditary. Perhaps it's learned behaviour? I think gambling is addictive full stop, but some become compulsive. I for one will not be taking my children to the arcade, I will be encouraging them not to gamble. Look where it has got us. Gambling in my eyes is not entertainment, it's loss misery and destruction. Get her a dog instead, much more rewarding.

Morning Xhendra .

Sound's like a great to do list there which no doubt will keep you busy for a good while .

When I turned up here I threw myself into lots of work as a distraction , I';d neglected my business for quite some time so I goyt that back on track and it's thriving , I also spent many hours decorating my house again something that had come bottom of the pile or put off due to lack of fund's , It's nice to see something positive from a little work and gives me a sense of wellbeing :)) .

I can totally identify with the feelings of withdrawl and anxiety , this things been your crutch for so long in your alone time or when you feel stressed and all of a sudden it's been removed , I gave up smoking many moons ago and the craving's and withdrawl are completely on par with that and we have " Patches , Sprays and Gum " to help with that but with Gambling unfortunately other than keeping busy and good old fashioned willpower there's no magic pill ,

All you can do is take some deep breaths when those urges strike ,calm yourself down and just do anything to take your mind off of it and trust me it will pass :)).

Your doing great so look after yourself :))

Alan

You sound like a lovely lady. Do everything on your list and make lovely memories. All the very best Sparky xx

I echo Sparky's sentiments and this is a fantastic list that, the more you think about, the more you will 'live', and like an almost imperceptible slow motion wave, will envelop you and come true!

By day to day dedication to a GF life all the bits of the jigsaw can come together and make it happen.

You can make it so, and we're here to help support you because we'll be delighted to see it happen 🙂

All the best, Xenedra,

Mixer

🙂

Thank you all for the kind comments.

Life is more than the absence of death and it goes by so quickly.

I have always focused on the money/financial side of gambling (mostly its just me handing fistfuls of my cash over). When actually, I forget I have lost time, hour and hours and days and days of it. I would put my daughter to bed early to open the laptop. Id have a child free weekend (daughter at sleepover etc) and tell old nan that I was working so she didnt ask me to take her out (again so I could get on the slots), I even at one point hoped my daughter's dad/ my partner would go away with the lads or go our for a drink etc most nights (again so I could tune in early for the slots), I mean how many 'normal' girlfriends actually encourage that stuff all the time and then get in a huff when they say that they wants to stay in as they havnt seen me all week??

Money...I can earn and repay. Time...time is lost.

I spent Christmas eve. day and boxing day 2016 on the slots at home. In between the madatory stuff, presents, cooking a roast. I had the laptop and was spinning. I mean what kind of mother...replace the gambling on this occassion with C*****e or heroin...exactly. The guilt of the time lost is weighing hard.

Welly got half the walk if it meant i got half an hour on the laptop before people got in from work, stables, clubs etc.

She deserved the whole walk...

There is not debt management plan for the time we have lost...we cant make it back up but we can be more selectivee with how we spend it moving forward.

Thanks again guys, all your support is invaluable.

Stick in xendra this will be a long hard slog, there will definitely come a time when you begin to think you may actually have beat this and then bang an urge will come and when it does that's when you have to be the strongest you've ever been. Not too long ago I went nearly 6 months free of gambling and that's the longest I'd ever done in 30+ years and I thought bloody hell I've actually done it but I don't know how or what happened but I blew it big time and got sucked back in with a vengeance and because I also now had money in the bank it was worse than ever. When that time comes and it will be the strongest you've ever been in your life and just say no x

Hi Xenedra how is it all going. Hope your staying free of the slots, and planning for those goals. Two weeks today for me, strong urges but still resisting the temptations. Keep Strong.

Hi smashed!

Thank you for asking after me, yes I am GF!! was pay day yesterday but paid all my bill then went shopping for nice things for me, new clothes, some new make up etc. So odd, as I walked round shopping I was looking at items i wanted to buy and thinking, i could have this for £20 that will make me happy when i wear it or i could burn that in seconds on the slots!

really opened my eyes to what the alternative to this addiction can look like!

I feel proud but also scared. All blocks still in place but i still get that pull at times...the 'what if's', the 'ive been so good a few quid wont hurt'...NO! I wont win the jackpot (and if i did id give it back with interest) and it will hurt a lot as I cant 'do a few quid' like a nornal person.

My family all have bets on for the Mayweather Vs Mcgregor fight tonight (even my old nan) and we are all meeting to watch it. Sports betting is not my thing...AT ALL...but I was tempted to do this!! Especially as my addicted brain was telling me 'it's not your thing so its like not even gambling'...

I like your posts, helps my recovery, I started my own diary today, I hope we make it, I know we can

Thank you !! Yes we can do this!!

I have added a picture of my beautiful Welly to my profile. Couple of reasons why actually, I talk about her a lot on here (I have a of guilt about the time I sacrificed taking her out or playing with her etc so I could gamble) it is nice to put a face to a name and she also protects my annominity. But it was after death in May this year that things got really bad with my gambling. I upped my stakes, the time spent playing and I gave up caring what could happen financially as her final vet bill was a few £ short of £10K, insurance didnt pay out and I lost her anyway. Part of me wanted to recoup the money for this bill...but the other part of me saw no way out of my finanical situation and therefore felt I couldnt make it any worse (turns out I could, and did). At the end of June I lost my house (rented but couldnt pay for it anymore).

I think if she were here I could be stronger...

Im am rambling but to be honest I am also clucking...its the evening time, i was paid my salary yesterday and I am home alone (daughter on holiday with her dad and grandparents, the elderlys I live with are out with family watching the big fight.) I coiuldnt face the social to be honest. And to be even more honest, I had planned to go out with the family but my gambling brain kept me home...I think I was planning to gamble tonight...I havent and am going to call a friend now to pass the time...I hope she answers.

I would love to hear about the lovely people on here's pets. With us or at the Rainbow Bridge with Welly, did they or do they impact on your gambling or recovery?

We have a hamster (and a pony but she lives at the stables) and tbh the hamster is prety sweet not like normal hamster at all..

ReAlly want to hear your motivations guys!

You were asking about pets, Xenendra. When I was a kid me and my brother had a hamster each - Fudge and Fugina. Mine was the male one 🙂

Motivations? Realising that living a normal life is quite exciting really, and I don't need inanimate objects like slot machines and screen-based online slot machines as my so-called "friends..." Chatting to real people, and people on here (like you) is infinitely more interesting, wouldn't you say 🙂 My motivation is a more interesting life than the negative, insular one gambling brings.