What I'm going to do...what about you?

Excellent Mixer!!

I love animals...when I retire I want to have savings and a house big enough to have whatever animals I want. 🙂

I feel good night...my addiction wont beat me...

Hi Xanedra

ive read many of your posts but have been caught up in my own gambling despair (wife of ) and now living alone after calling time on my marriage a few weeks ago after 23 years of lies and deceit.

We have some similarities in our lives. Firstly I also lost my beloved Labrador. He passed away last October without warning whilst running in the woods with his best friend our spaniel, he was seven years old! The night before his death I had shouted at him for something and the morning after, late for work, had not even acknowledged him....then he was gone! The guilt was and is tough but deep down it's silly because he knows how loved he was. Every outing, every holiday was tailored to suit our dogs, not us, not the kids but the dogs. He was the most loved dog on the planet, proper walks, good food and smothered with kisses from all of us. Dogs know when they are loved, even if you shout at them, cut short their walk, give them a late meal....I promise you they know. Months later a massive Saulki/Lurcher came into our lives (found in a hedge) and a month after that a Jack Russell pup....long story. They will never ever replace my beautiful lab but they were unloved in their previous lives, it is now our job to love them! Three dogs is insane....but they are healing the hurt of my husband's gambling. Get a dog ASAP, you will never replace Welly but I truly believe dogs are healing.

Please, please, please DO NOT take your beautiful daughter to the arcades as you put on your to do list. I believe as Merry said that it is where many addictions begin, the first seeds of getting that win. Give her £5.00 and take her to the tack shop to choose something small for her pony, a new brush or comb maybe. I promise it will give her more pleasure.

You said you wanted to buy her an expensive show jacket, some of them are over a £100 so here's an idea for you to think about and please do not think I am criticising you. I understand you wanting to spoil her but in the process make sure she understands the value of money. This is something I am very aware of with my own kids now. My daughter has two ponies (one retired) and said she wanted to do shows. These are not cheap on top of stables/vets/shoes etc as you know. I told her she could but had to buy the show outfit and left her to source one she could afford. I looked at what she'd come up with and to be honest thought "oh god" however, she paid me and I ordered it from Decathlon and it's beautiful. It cost £19.99, fits perfectly, washes great and everyone asks where it was from. Her jodhpurs were £9.99 (best fit ever) and her shirt from Asda...two for £5.00. Whole outfit £35.00. Anyway.....jacket is called Fouganza if you want to look it up!

Never feel bad about posting about your dog and good luck with your journey.

Thank you for your comment and for understanding the love one can have for thier dog (espcially labradors).

I have thought a lot about the arcade situation, and you are right, as innocent as it all appears who knows the extent of the damage it could do later in life.

Thank you for the advice about the show jackets, Il be sure to look that up. Im already there with the Asda shirts though!! Im fortunate that my in laws have always kept horses, own livery yard etc so Sappeton (Pony) is one of the family also, she is 20! but looks and acts 7 bless her. I have always had a lot of guilt when it comes to my daughter, I started training for my degree when she was a baby and all she has ever really known is mummy (and daddy) working hard and ALOT. Neither of us have a typical 9-5 job. And I have always over compensated with gifts, outtings, pets etc. I am forever trying to make a difference to that pattern. She is a beautiful, brilliant girl though. She has her head screwed on better than me most of the time.

As for another dog, i will certainly open my home and heart to a rescue in the future, sadly my addiction means that we are currently living with elderly parents so we cant have another dog at the moment, but when we move it is top of the list! I miss Welly incredible amounts but I also know that she was so loved and if love could have saved her she would have lived forever!! She passed after a short battle with cancer, it came out of nowhere and we are still reeling from hearing the news.

Thank you again for your support and I wish you well 🙂

Keep up the GF life Xenedra. You will get there as gambling does not care you had to move out but will tell you have a gamble and ill turn your £100 deposit into this, all been there. Put my mad lab in my profile pic 😉

Hi Xenedra

I saw your post a little while back and have been meaning to respond as I thought it was great the way you laid out some of the many things you want to do now you are gf. There are some great things on your list which can be achieved by staying gf each day one day at a time. Over the last 17 days I have had many thoughts as to all the things I will be doing now I am gamble free, so thought I’d include a few:

• Put me first and look after my health – being a gambler really put my body through the paces, I’d put myself under so much stress and worry I couldn’t sleep and would often not eat enough because I’d spent all of my money.
• Exercise – I love exercising but never did when I was gambling as I didn’t want to miss out on a big win or jackpot because I was exercising! Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But it felt very real and daily spent around 4 hours gambling.
• Happiness – I had lost an appreciation for life itself and normal emotions. I am coming round to start to appreciate these (good or bad) for what they are. I can honestly say I am happier now than I have been in such a long time and want this to continue and grow.
• Becoming Debt free – All of my salary was so quickly spent on gambling that I would never pay any debts off, I would just pay the bare minimum and just keep spare cash “in case I needed it” more like to gamble, which I did every time. This should be in the next 6 months for me which is amazing.
• Holidays – Next year I already have 2/3 places in mind where I really want to go and should be able to do at least two which is amazing as I haven’t had a holiday which I have paid for myself since I was 19! Wow only realised that when I was writing – so 7 years without paying for my own holiday and mostly not having one.
• Treating my partner – My partner has been my rock and deserves so much for seeing me through this journey and allowing me to recover without pressuring me or making me feel awful. I can’t wait to pay for date nights, holidays, and spontaneous gifts.
• Buying a house – This is the last one as it will probably take the longest, as many of you may have the same issue which is that my credit score is appalling. It is already slowly improving not I am paying off my debts but I have a long way to go before I am “mortgage material”.

I hope this has been interesting – wishing you a lovely gf day J

Athena