Who am I?

I'm glad to hear that you're still gamble free Jellybean.

Day 3 for us today! Back to work for me too, so hopefully I'll have plenty of distractions to get me through the day.

Stay strong and positive.

We will do this! x

Hi Jellybean, how's things?

Hi,

pretty awful, had a really bad few days just couldn't stop trying to win back the loss and "fix" what I had done. I have just told my husband, think this will be the end for us, Iv broken us so badly and he would be so much happier without me. I have set up some telephone counselling, hoping that helps.

How are you doing? Hoping your still gf and going strong.

Hi jellybean just reading your diary so much of it was the same as me well done for writing the pist and confessing everything . Heres hoping you husband will forgive you i really hope after he calms down he realises he loves you still im sure he will x
sadly my gambling ended my marriage i still hope everyday he will learn to love me again although hes given up on us i still believe in us so hope time will heal xx i truely am glad i opened up to him though he deserved to know the truth and as hard as it was i had to confess everything. Ive not gambled since april and i show him my bank statements everyday just to prove to him im gamble free and that im trying to change back to the old me , the me that didnt gamble, the me he fell in love with ! . I hate the person i became when i gambled i was such a horrible person when i gambled i lied to all those around me and its going to take alot to prove to those im gamble free and im sorry for the person i became. Stay strong during the coming hours , days and weeks and ive every faith in you that you too can start to clock up gamble free days believe in yourself hun. I still get urges quite often and am praying one day these will stop . Anyway well done for admitting you have a problem and for starting to address it by looking into blockers etc.

Sorrygorry,

Thank you for your words, it gives me hope that I can beat this. Very much like you I hate who I have become, I wouldn't have thought I could be so stupid but the truth is I have no control. It's like I'm somebody else, I have no thoughts for anybody while I'm doing it. My husband and son are my whole world and Iv risked loosing them so many times. I want so much to be free of this life destroying addiction. You are doing so well and in time your husband will hopefully see the person he fell in love with again in you. Keep doing what your doing. You should be very proud of yourself xx

Jellybean07 wrote:

Hi,

pretty awful, had a really bad few days just couldn't stop trying to win back the loss and "fix" what I had done. I have just told my husband, think this will be the end for us, Iv broken us so badly and he would be so much happier without me. I have set up some telephone counselling, hoping that helps.

How are you doing? Hoping your still gf and going strong.

Sorry to hear about that! You're making the right steps now though, so take some positivitey from that.

I hope your husband, in time, will realise your need for help and sort things out with you.

It can/will only get better. Keep believing!! You can do this!

I'm treating each gambling free day like a 'win' in life. It's giving me such a buzz.

That's excellent Moorey, well done. Surprisingly my husband has taken it better this time. He said that he's not sure why but he's less angry this time, he said maybe because it's obviously a problem/addiction and therefore I need help. I thought telling him would make me feel better, I feel so much worse. Its out there now how terrible a wife and mum I am. Today marks the start of my new gamble free life. With my husbands support it will be easier. I need to not be trusted with anything he's don't happy with the idea of taking control of the money and just giving me what I need but it has to be done, for now at least.

I am having telephone counselling starting next week, has this helped anybody else?

X

That's such good news Jellybean.

It's great that he's sticking by you to help you through this difficult period. It'll be so much easier in the long run, having somebody who knows about your problem.

Make the 7th January a day to remember. The day you turned your life around. It can be done! It will be done!

Hi again

It's good to see you've come clean to your husband. Can you encourage him to read up on the addiction? He really does need to be clear on how serious this is and how determined he may need to be in ensuring he's not manipulated or deceived. Can he access support for himself here or elsewhere? He will have had an almighty shock and it will take time for him to process all he's learned.

All that said he's still the rational one in all this and he does need to be proactive with the finances. He needs to understand how serious this is. It's a daunting task but once it's all up and running it will become second nature. Reluctance isn't an option if he wants to offer practical support.

Hi all,

Hope you are all doing good and staying strong. I'm still gf, struggling a little with my feelings, it's constantly on my mind what I have done and how I'm going to fix it. Seems the closer we get to been debt free I make some more. The future is looking bright, I have the support of my husband and my closest friend in the world and together they will get me through this. Hopefully in time I can be the old me, as happy on the inside as I portray on the outside.

Hoping everybody is ok

Xx

Hi jelly
I'm glad hubby has taken it better than you thought. .mine did as well nearly a year ago..like you slots got me hook line and sinker
And took me to a place I never imagined I would be in....
Now....life's great..and actually better than I could have ever imagined.....no..it's not been an easy year...but by making changes.....being open/honest and looking at a lot of areas within myself ......life's now normal..keep fighting love.....x

Loxxie, That's such a lovely thing to hear. I cannot believe somthing as simple as "deposit £10 play with £30" has had such a massive negative impact on my life. Things are going ok, I'm not stupid enough to think I'm over it, I'm putting all possible strategies in place to overcome this and hoping that in a year I can be stood in your shoes. I have way to much to live for and be the best me I can be.

I feel so sad that slots have turned me into sombody I struggle to recognise, sad that I let that happen.

Iv struggled tonight I have to admit I was very tempted, I was on my own and the natural thing for me was to pick up my phone and gamble, but I'm proud to say I didn't. It's going to be a long road but I'll get there. I know I will.

Xx

Well done JellyBean resisting the urges tonight.

Hi, JB,

Well done on coming clean and echo Lethe about your husband getting practical help, info and support for himself. First time round, I totally underestimated my husband's addiction and putting my head in the sand did my family no favours.

Have you both organised blocking software on laptops/ computers and parental blockers on the Internet? Worth doing, to buy time during an urge. Long term, we've found that counselling and regular meetings are the way forward to address the underlying problems. IMO, there's no substitute for it.

Wish you well,

CW

Keep pushing love..just take it a day at a time....
Keep busy...change daily routine a bit if you can...
Get a good saftey net around you...blocks on internet...New card..whatever works for you...it's all good practice should an urge come...those slots will give you nothing in the long term.....you know that really. ...don't let them chew you up anymore....take care..have a read of my diary....it may help you to see what your feeling is all been felt by me x