Why am I such an idiot

Angie,

Don't hate yourself..it is only a slip..get up, dust urself down and keep on the road to recovery. I know it is not easy, but you can be strong enough if you want to..you can do it..believe in yourself!!!

Keep posting..it will get better

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Angie

Words probably can't begin to console you, make you feel better or even slightly remove the guilt that will be eating you from the inside out.........however.......understand the reasons why you relapsed today, what were the conditions, what happened that could have triggered it....an argument, a hangover, etc. etc. you'll find something in there that you can learn from.

The thing is........focus on the positives........you were clean for nearly 2 months, you can do it again. You are back on here so you want to stop.........there are ways that you can build barriers to preventing it happening again.........focus on having freedom and not the things you don't want, I.e. I don't want to gamble, I don't want debt, I don't want to be skint......really think and believe the positive angles.......I want freedom to live my life, I want to prosper financially, I want to love myself, I want to be happy......lure ally believe that they are going to happen and imagine what it's going to feel like when they do!!!

You can win this fight..........we are here to win it with you. I'm only 14 days into my journey and like you lost way more money than I could afford to......but this isn't about just money for me anymore - this is about me being able to look in the mirror and like what I see, to be able to have people be proud of me again and to win a battle that I've been losing my whole adult life.

Get back on the wagon, truly understand what caused today and make sure you draw strength that one day can't ruin nearly two whole months of victories. Keep going - you can do it.

Mr Brightside

Wow thankyou both, just reading them posts made me feel a whole lot better. Good luck to you both on your journeys too.. I'm hoping 2014 will be a clean year away from the roulette table! onwards and upwards x

Totally agree with you me brightside, it's not just about the money anymore for me either. One day I hope I can love myself again and feel I have control over my life. We will reach that day 🙂

Hi, you're not an idiot. I did two months earlier this year then lost six months worth of earnings in a few days. It does feel bad to say the least. Im now on day 73 and am not going back to day one. The reason i can say that with so much confidence is because ive made an irreversable decision that what ever happens and whatever the situation i will not gamble.. full stop. Ive done some out of the ordinary things in the last 73 days, some good some not do good but none as bad as gambling again. Hope you will make the same decision as it's well worth it.

I've done it again, lost my willpower. Thought one more go but obviously us gambling addicts don't know when to give up. Put myself in a bad situation now, financially and mentally. Starting to think what is the point. Wish I could be a different person, my father probably wonders who he brought into the world. I wish people could understand. Help me.

Never give up. I had been doing well for months then today I really messed up and I feel terrible. But I've not lost hope. I just need to write off what's lost (£650, which is a lot more than I can afford) as we all know you'll never get it back and you can't chase your loses. That just leads to more loses. Just remember that with every new day comes the chance to start again. Tomorrow is day 1 and we'll just take it from there. Stay strong and never give up hope.

Hey Angie

My heart really goes out to you tonight - but please never give up hope.

I look at your posts last weekend - there must be a common denominator in there as to why relapses happen at the weekend - not working, paid weekly, and money goes in on Friday, too much time on your hands. You need to get practical help and try to cut something off I.e. Your access to money or where you gamble........handing over accounts and cards to someone, or self exclusions........it'll take drastic steps to beat this. If I look at the peoples diaries on this site that are winning, they are the ones who have out the most prevention barriers in place.

One final thing..........while I may not be far enough down the recovery road to offer advice on stopping gambling..........one thing that I can tell you from absolute experience..........and that is of being a father...........

I don't care what my daughter or my son have done.......I love them unconditionally and one of my key drivers in life is that I want to do anything that I possibly can to help them be happy. I'd doubt if your dad would be in any different a place. Just some food for thought.

Take care and please try not to beat yourself up too much about today - day 1 is tomorrow and it's a day for creating gambling barriers!!!

All the best,

Mr Brightside

Hi Angie

firstly dont beat yourself up- what good does that do? it will just make you feel worse. Secondly, you need to remove the access you have to either money and/or accessibility to online gambling sites or land ones.

why are you doing this to yourself? Is it because you love gambling or is there another underlining problem that causes you to relapse?

Have a think about what the triggers are for you and try to avoid them. If the trigger is getting paid- give someone else your money to keep for you.

If the trigger is feeling alone or down then talk to someone about it - gamblers are very good at isolating others but that does not mean you are alone. explain your situation to either a family member or a friend or even to one of us on here- before you gamble as maybe that will stop the urges for you.

If the trigger is boredom then do ANYTHING other than making that first bet until the urge is gone.

I am only a couple of weeks into recovery but i know I can beat this. Believe in yourself and you have won half the battle.

Anyway i really hope you are ok and we are here for you if you ever want to talk. Dont give up on yourself! Linda

Day 1 starts again today: 29/12/13. I know I can do it, thanks for all the amazing support. I feel a little better today, just so disappointed in myself, just when I feel I have beaten this addiction I do it again. Self excluded from every site possible, and set a day counter to record how many days I'm gamble free. Don't know how I would survive without everyone's support, thankyou all.

hey angie

there are a few of us who have committed to a gamble free 2014- its on the overcoming problem gambling section and Mr Brightside has got a few of us together to see through the year gamble free. why dont you join too? we can have daily,weekly check ins- whatever suits you and you know all of us are in the same boat and just maybe we can support each other though the year! x linda

Good on you for getting back on here after your slips, Angie. Never giving up on giving up is all part of getting through this. I slipped recently and felt awful. Yet, for most of year I've been clean of it. We just can't go back - that's the secret. After a while you'll find it easier, but out of nowhere you might find yourself in a position where these old addictions tempt you back. Knowing to say no and having that control to not gamble will come as each day passes. One day at a time, we get through this.

Don't knock yourself, be thankful you might finally have a handle on this. Imagine yourself before you acknowledge you problem, hopelessly lost and addicted. That's how we all were. You know you have a problem now though and it starts from today that you become the master of your life of again. Don't give up on you.

Wish you the best, Angie.

-Alex

Hi Linda and Alex, thanks I will take a look. I have unfortunately had a gamble, it wasn't a massive blow and I walked away before I lost anymore, however, I still did it. Tomorrow is the day, I'm gonna make sure of it. 4th January 2014.. 3rd time lucky! thanks for all the messages of support. Angie x

hi Angie

so sorry you had a stumble but like you said forget it and start tomorrow. 4/1/2014- you will look back on that date and remember how it was the date that changed your life. X linda