why,why,why!!!!!!!

Hi Cheryl,

Sorry you are still having a bad time, but pleased you have posted, try and stay strong, easier said than done I know,

Thinking of you.

Stay safe and take care.

Suzanne xx

Hi Cheryl

Just letting you know am here for you, and I really hope stuff is not too bad, keep chin up girl, this addiction is not your fault, we all,

For some reason, no one has an answer for got hold of us, firstly be kind to yourself, I know that's hard to do when we think we have been totally selfish greedy and everything else, but it's not us, it really isn't it's the addiction that got hold of us, (if that makes sense) stay strong and safe

Suzanne xx

Ty Suzanne
Xx

Hi Diary

Have started counselling through the site but have had to do email sessions, bit strange but will persevere with it. Think I can do Skype this week which will be more real to me. Bit of a silver lining as not got to give house up as predicted at end of month so feel a bit of relief. Have been fighting it and got a small result.

Love reading the success stories but hope people read mine and see the utter destruction this addiction causes.

Cheryl xxx

Hey Cheryl thats really good news about your home.

I am also pleased that you are seeking all the help you can get to keep this addiction in the gutter where it belongs.

Have a good day and stay strong and positive.

Suzanne xx

Still lurking, still trying and trying to stay strong
Cheryl xx

Hi Cheryl,

So pleased you are still lurking and still trying, don't forget your diary is a diary of your recovery from gambling, and as long as we really want to recover we will even if we slip , as long as we get back up and carry on we are still in recovery, we must never give up on giving up, because there is no where else to go,

Well done to you on your stamina against this horrible addiction, and please keep lurking and reading and trying.

Take care and stay safe,

Suzanne xx

t

Day 1 again!!! Have no idea how I will survive this now as feel the self destruct button has been pressed and life is not even being lived.

Feel scared, ridiculous and desperate and keep thinking of ending it all but that is just another selfish act as with the gambling. Fed up with lying, cheating and deceiving my family. They deserve better.

Cheryl

hi Cheryl,

Firstly I real feel for you please please don't be hard on yourself, please.

You are here you are doing your best, please pick yourself up, I know it's hard, but do it and carry on walking for you

I believe this Addiction has many disguises, I am here if you need to talk,

Please do not give up walking this road with you

Stay safe and keep posting, it really helps, when someone understands.

Suzannexx

PS it is a hard road, am here for youxxx

Hi Cheryl,

Suzanne here is right, don't beat yourself up about it. It's gone and you have to dust yourself down and stand back up.
This journey is not smooth, it takes few set backs but recovery is continued force to never give up and try again. You have that belief, you can do it..you did it before.

Keep posting and venting your feelings out. You are never on your own.

You are good person, accept the help offered and see yourself walking the road to the better future. ..you and your loved ones deserves it. You can do it.

Slow and steady...onwards you go

Sandra x

Ty Ladies,

The desperation is a fact I would love to talk Suzanne but don't want to put it all on here suffice to say I have always been a tryer but this is beating me and with everything else going on I have been broken in every way. Am on leave and was going to get some presents sorted for Christmas, but instead am sitting at home waiting for financial armaggedon to happen. Have no one else but myself to blame.

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,

If you want my email address I will happily give it to you,

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne

You have loads on your plate with you family I don't want to overburden you as have seen you have had a very difficult couple of weeks. But if you are sure that would be nice thanks

Cheryl

Dear Diary

Been thinking hard why I crumbled and went back to the madness.

I have so many other things going on I should have ignored/fought the urges but actually the day before payday I noticed I was getting excited that I could play.
Went to the extreme this time and feel sick/scared but most of all extremely angry at my lack of resolve/focus/strength.
Really was lead by the thought of a good win again, I am so optimistic sometimes and incredibly niave to think this time would be different.

Day at a time is good but at present the days feel like weeks and I achieve nothing just constantly feel anxious and sick.

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,

I hate shopping, but it had to be done, I think it's because as far back as I can remember as a child, my mum took me shopping for the day every week, and it was a full day, being dragged round big department stores, was bored out of my skill then lol.

How the hell I have made retail a part of my career I will never know, because I hate any kind of shopping.

I am giving you my email address now, I will leave it on for an hour, no probs is you don't come back tonight, I will wait til you are on here again and give it you again, and don't worry too much, easier said than done. Lol

Xxxxxx