why,why,why!!!!!!!

Ps send me a message if you get it

Xxx

Day 2 or 3
I think it's 3
, a mahoosive ty to the wonderful Suzanne.
You are a good person and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bit of a positive today, no post, ha ha.
I do want to gamble in my tiny brain and naivety I still think I could win. But in real world I won't and will not gamble today. I am definitely one who can't stop and ignores the withdrawal button, or if I do withdraw I reverse it and then wager more.
This behaviour has to stop for my sanity, and all those around me who get damaged from the fall out.

Hate Dr Who but wish I had his time machine to go back and see myself before it got such an addiction.

Trying some humour to lift the mood plus it is actually sunny outside today.

Cheryl xxx

Hey Cheryl,

I AM SHOUTING A BIG MASSIVE well done to you, keep posting girl and keep learning

It is the positive way forward

Suzanne xxxxx

Hi Suzanne

Thanks, I could blame many things for my relapse as have had a rough month, honestly my guard fell and my gambling side won. Have to pick up the shattered pieces and move on with a better awareness each time I stumble it breaks my heart and spirit.

But onwards and the only way is upwards
Cheryl xxx

Bring it on

As Gazza said , bring it on Cheryl , you have to let the fallout out so you can move on.

You know where I am

Suzanne xxxx

Day 5

No gambling

Morning Cheryl,

I hope things are getting slightly better, but as long as you don't gamble they won't get any worse.

Well done on 5 days,

Take care

Suzanne xx

Well life is in limbo it what it feels like. Thankfully I saved some stamps for a supermarket and have £100 to get provisions for Xmas. Presents will get done once I get paid as have totally ( eventually! !!) closed all accounts. Just don't want this way of life anymore.

Have been on leave this week and done very little, could have worked 60hrs overtime and could do with the money but have felt drained so decided to be kind to myself.

Will be back to work soon enough and it can be a very stressful place.

Onwards and upwards

Cheryl xxx

Well done Cheryl,

believe it or not so simple things like stamps mean so much more us when we have had enough of gambling, keep being kind to YOU and onwards and forwards you will go, little things start to mean so much, as we get back into reality, embrace the little things, because that is what really matters .

take care and so what you have had a week doing not much, your time to be kind to you , your time now

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Hi Diary

I say 7 days without a relapse and onwards and upwards.

I have awoke feeling better today, not so scared or shakey.

I had a productive day yesterday and felt better for it.
Still no news re house so hopefully should be ok for Christmas.

This addiction is so destructive, emotionally, financially and socially /environmentally.

I wonder if I am intrinsically a weak minded person to have had so many relapses despite the havoc going on around me.

I want that in the past now and to rebuild every part of my nest and myself.

My eldest daughter moved out 3 weeks ago and is so money savvy and tells everyone " I learnt that from my Mum".
Now that's scary as I think we all live double lives as gamblers, the person we portray around others and the secret cg.

It's true that no one person truly knows another no matter how close they are.

Anyway sermon over ( well it is Sunday )

One week of abstaining

Take care and best wishes all

Cheryl xxx

Morning Cheryl,

It's good to read you are feeling stronger and more positive.

Don't worry too much about Xmas, easier said than done I know lol,,keeping the mind busy in a positive way if we can, is definitely a big key, it makes us appreciate stuff that does not cost much, and most if all be kind to you .

Have a good strong Sunday.

Take care and stay safe.

Suzanne xx

Day 10
Still here and still trying.
Had 2 very busy 12hr shifts, no desires to gamble and still skint.
Onwards and upwards

Cheryl xxx

Hi Cheryl,

Well done on your 10 days and having no desire to gamble is great.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Day 11

No gambling
Cheryl

Morning Cheryl,

Well done, I hope you are feeling better

Take care

Suzanne xx