why,why,why!!!!!!!

163 days
Ty Suzanne for unrelentingly supporting me on my recovery journey.
Not though about gambling at all for ages as life has other things to think about that have always been there but were given a back seat. Living my life is my top priority now.
Have a good day
Cheryl xxx

brutus123C wrote: Day 160 Life seems much more simple and easier to deal with at present. I pinky promise I won't get complacent. Have the new car now so that helps. Even still have cash in my purse and 10 days to payday. Not even thought once about gambling and that's wonderful for me. Letters, demands and threatening messages still arrive but I can deal so much more effectively with these now without turning to a gaming site. The unconditional support from people I now consider friends is such a great spur towards continuing my recovery. Well another 12hr shift tomorrow so off to sleep Nite nite Cheryl xxx

I read with joy Cheryl

Loving your new lease on life

Keep it up

Lovely strong and positive post Cheryl,

Sxxxxxxx

It's official my grandchild is a little boy, it was the 20 week scan yesterday.
Am happy as baby is growing normally and my daughter is beginning to feel much better.
Gambling has not been my friend and I will continue to be strong and keep focused.
Am enjoying my life again. Although I think some of it has to do with the better weather but also the fact I sleep better and am not up all night gambling.
Stay strong
Cheryl xxx

Well done Cheryl on your 160 days that's uplifting and encouraging and please keep posting the fruits of your non gambling life as it really helps..

Hi I have read your diary from page one till now and seen the struggles both financially and emotionally. So well done and thank you for inspiring me to carry on (did have slip last night a tenner which was left in an old bank acct but excluded every site now so not beating myself up) will continue to read your posts as really relate to the most. Mary

Hey Granma thats lovely news to read, as long as you stay committed to your recovery, life can only get better by the day.

You are a different person now my friend, be very proud of yourself, I am proud to have walked this path with you and will always continue to do.

Sxxxxxxxx

167 days,
Just had 3 days in hospital on IV Antibiotics for infected knee!!
Back out now, I don't make a good patient lol.
Still no gambling and still keeping my guard up to triggers.
Lovely sunny day here and makes me feel alive.
Have a good weekend and am off for a nap as painkillers kicking in now
Cheryl xxx

Hy Cheryl,

Sorry to read you have problems with your knee, hope it passes soon and antibiotics worked.
Yea, i know what ya mean about hospitals...i near enough did the runner the other week from A&E lol..even if couldn't breathe properly i just had one and only vision of "exit" 🙂

Hope all is well with you my friend, i guess i won't see ya at work for a while if you recovering from those meds....but i shall keep coffee and biscuits on hold for your return.

Stay safe, keep up good work and keep winning!

Sandra x

Hi Cheryl,

How are you dear soldier and hope that knee is on the mend. It is horrible to be in pain, and i wouldn't wish it for my worst enemy (myself that is lol)...something i realised not long ago - health is so important, we need to look after ourselves inside out.

Keep looking after yourself and i wish ya all the best things on Earth because you truly worth them!

One day at a time, keep on winning hun

Sandra x

Day 172
Been in hospital again for my knee another 3 days and another week of antibiotics, deep joy!!!
Came home and my darling little cat had peed all over the bed, oh the smell!!!
No gambling and not really thought about it which seems to be more the norm these days.
Despite all going on around me, as OH been sleeping downstairs since Xmas, I feel content and able to deal with life now. Gambling was a major part of my life for 7 years and now the fog is lifting I realise it was also a major part of my depression and not the other way round.
Payday tomorrow and I still have money in my purse for small emergency provisions.
I have taken full responsibility for my actions and have nearly laid that episode of my life to rest where it belongs in the past.
I will keep my guard up and not become complacent, I see by reading other diaries how that can happen.
Onwards and upwards
Cheryl xxx

Hope your knee is better Cheryl,

177 days today of abstaining and maintaining and winning.

Keep looking after you and yours my friend, you are doing fantastic.

Sxxxxxxxxx

Hi Cheryl,

Hope you're feeling better and that knee is back to normal.
Very proud of you and your continued journey towards better future.
Keep making the right choice girl, life is for living, and you surely deserve best things in life!

Have a good and safe day

S x

178 days
Feel so much better since infection has gone, am on the road to recovery in more ways than one.
Was good to get paid and pay bills buy a big food shop, so why do I still keep thinking about gambling and it's horrible destructive passion.
Not given in and that was huge this time as the urges were so strong.
Onwards and upwards
Cheryl xxx

Hi C,

Glad you are on the mend, sadly my friend, this addiction will always try it on with us, but we are stronger now, and can dismiss the thoughts, because that is all they are. nasty thoughts, that if acted upon will only self harm us.

You are doing just fine, OAU my friend whatever the weather.

Sxxxxxxx