why,why,why!!!!!!!

Day 5
Still in a not such good place, Complacency and lack of conviction has crumbled my world. How can I expect anyone to trust me when I can't trust myself.
Cheryl

Hi C,

Keep pushing through, I don't think I will ever be able to trust myself again, that's why I always keep the triangle broken.

Complacency dear friend has no place in our recovery journeys,

Not trusting ourselves is not a bad thing, it keeps us on our guard with barriers always up.

Stay strong C, what's done is done, just think of what you have learnt from this and what you must do to strengthen your recovery,

Be kind to yourself, and hold your head up high, because this addiction thrives on these negatives,

You can get positive again, think of what you have achieved this year, that slip was a mere step back.

Gently pushing you through this Cheryl. it will get better again very soon,

Sxxxxxxx

Thanks for your post C:)

Keep chin up and keep looking forwards, you will be back in positivity very soon.

Sxxxxxx

Sending you lots of positive energy Cheryl. You're the reason I first posted on here and my journey has had so many messed up moments. But something else I learnt from you - 'I'm not giving up on giving up'.

You can totally come back from this, you've done it before and you can do it again 🙂

Take care x

Hi Cheryl,

So glad you kicked back and didn't give in to addiction again. As many on here have said,this is a slip and not a downfall.
There is no easy way in recovery and sometimes some of us have to learn our lessons hard way which I'm sure you learned yours.
Are blocks back in place? Guard back up?

You can do it and you're doing it. Never give up on giving up!!

Take a good care of yourself..you're not alone!

S x

Today I have to find money to pay bills that have to be paid but I don't have any as gambled it!!!
Today I feel like the lowest of the low and fear the consequences of my actions.
Today is a day to consider my future...
I don't have one and I know it's only money but my selfish actions will cause so many problems.
Today...........

Hi Cheryl why don't you just take a deep breath first...and bear with me...I'm gonna type some more..just wanted you to know im listening x

Ok..you had a slip which doesn't undo your amazing time g free! Don't let the demon prove you different.
It is s***t and it happened..ok, accept it and start building that bridge again. Not all is lost, oh no my friend! You have people who cares about you, who will do their all to help you out so you feel at peace again. You have a soul..money is f**k all, you have something so much more important and priceless!
Take a step back...just breathe in and out. I know things might look grim now, but this will pass. You did it before there's nothing stopping you to get there again. You have it in you and it's clear to see! f*****g hell, you went through hell and back, -YOU have a choice not to step in that zone again! YOU deserve more and your loved ones deserves to see that soul shining and you can do it! You truly can...
Please don't put sticks in already moving wheels..don't stop your recovery (which is definitely survival) now..
This feeling will pass, but you need to start from within, be at least a little bit kinder to that amazing lady Cheryl we got to know on this forum...we miss her and we know we can have her back ☺ open up your heart to life and smiles again xx

Second at the time..keep breathing..keep believing.

S x

Thanks Sandra but there is no way to get past today, I have f****d up so badly this time and can't find a way forward. The things I need to pay for HAVE to be paid today or the consequences are enormous.
Today.....

Listen Cher

CG can f**k up bad any time and we always find a way forward dont we? You are in a bad place now and all I'm asking is to take a step back..just do it here and now...sit down, have a coffee,take deep breath and calm down..

Is it really that bad? What needs paying? Is there any solution to postpone it for a while. Can you ring them up?
There is a way girl..there is always a way. Money is good asset but it's not everything!

Keep pushing on,you will come through this x

Sandra thank you, Blondie has my number. The sum is very high as the cash I gambled also was.....

.

Ps. Just for now at least put blocks on ur devices..plz

Take care Sandra and yes I promise I have sorted this and self excluding again. I really have no desire to gamble
Cheryl xxx