why,why,why!!!!!!!

Hi Ruthie,

Still with everyone second very busy 13hr shift. No gambling and hope all of you are being strong

Going to bed as shattered, will post tomorrow as off

I WILL NOT STOP TRYING

CHERYL xxxx

Yay! Glad you're still here. Well done 🙂 xx

Morning Cheryl I know you're off work today, so wanted to stop by early and say: keep busy today, stay strong, and have a good day. 🙂 x

Hi Cheryl

Enjoy your day off gambling free ofcourse

Stay strong and positive

Because we cannot win because we cannot stop

Suzanne xx

Morning Ruthie and Suzanne,

Thanks for your support, today is hard as OH's 50th and have money for a card but nothing else, so he and my girls won't say anything detrimental but I always think they must think what a skinflint.

Have tried to make arrangements for celebration on 23rd, better than nothing, but my eldest daughter then said why not this weekend. Get paid 22nd that's why but she just rolled her eyes!!!!!

The CG inme thinks gamble some, treble it then you will be ok Cheryl but in reality I have no money just 20 in my purse.

Thank goodness I don't but scratchcards stupid thing is I still think " what a waste of money", oh the irony.

Must be how much I have buried the stupidity of what I do and as Ruthie says how we manage to somehow not equate it to spending real cash until the bank balance is checked.

On a brighter note had money earlier this week and didn't gamble.

So 14 days since I started the dairy and 2 falls off the wagon so not all good but definitely not all bad so will pat myself on the back.

Well for now will try to keep busy try to ignore constant phone calls and need to do some chores.

Stay strong all

I WILL NOT STOP TRYING

Cheryl xxxx

Hey Cheryl

You are. Not on your own My OHs birthday was end of May and I could only give him a card I was determined then next year will be different

Push those negative gambling thoughts right out because you will only lose more money because you won't win because you won't stop

Have a good day off

Suzanne x

Hi, I have been reading your threads, I want to be as strong as you, I have tried and waned, I want to try again. Keep posting, your threads are giving me inspiration.

How embarrassing, online shop turned up man at door on phone saying "can yo speak to the manager, they say, your card has been declined, I say well you best take it back then" even more determined to beat this.

Eldest's boyfriend here for 3 weeks they all heard, said, oh my card does that. Boy friend says yeah mine does that sometimes ( thank goodness, managed to keep a bit of dignity ) ha ha.

Worst is the incessant phone messages as phone on mute but aware of answer machine taking message.

This is it, my determination is so high to beat this, which is very much a positive for me.

I hope the blinking debts don't beat me but onwards and upwards.

Can't pay what I've not got, and me a professional with degree, again oh the irony, worked hard studied hard all to get a better life, then get into the gambling

I WILL NOT STOP TRYING

CHERYL xx

(((hugs))) Cheryl. Just keep thinking 'this is all coming to an end - things WILL get better from now on'. That's what I'm doing today...I spent the morning gathering all the paperwork from its hiding places and sorting it into envelope folders...then the folders got full....o*g.

Yep, me too - have a degree, and postgrad stuff too; nobody's immune I guess. My daughter's just left to meet her dad (my crazy ex) and I'm stopping for a breather because I'm feeling overwhelmed and because when she tells me he's been in touch (once in a blue moon) all the old feelings - I don't even have the words for them, like scary poison mixed with fear- are back. This time I don't have a hiding place as I will not gamble. I will be honest, that's the first time I've verbalised that particular demon. Sorry to intrude on your diary, Cheryl, and sorry your day's not great either - but thank you for being there and sharing, it's helping me more than you know. Stay strong - it'll pass 🙂 xx

Ty Ruthie and 13th,

Don't really feel like gambling at all, am rather in an angry phase, must be like a very, very weird bereavement. Odd choice I know and am not being disrespectful to anyone who has had a true bereavement. We did earlier in year and am still in the angry phase.

Ruthie nothing you put on here feels intrusive , so please continue.

Am being extremely lazy today but have loads to do, still no luck with K9 as my device won't support it

But most importantly don't want to gamble.

Cheryl xxxxx

Morning Cheryl

Your analogy makes perfect sense to me - grief is a feeling of loss and an altered vision of the future, and we feel something very akin to grief even when we lose something bad or destructive from our lives - even when it's our choice to do so. I remember being completely shocked that a huge chunk of something that felt like grief was mixed with the relief when my ex left ...and grief affects us all differently to some degree - so whatever you feel, just let it run its course, accept it and take comfort from knowing you're not alone with it. I hope you have a better day today. xxxx

Day 16

Well, birthday over and not too bad at all.

No gambling ( but no money either )

No inclination to gamble which is good.

On a 13 hr night tonight and tomorrow so not going to over exert myself.

Feel like I am in limbo land and telling time will be 22nd when I get paid.

At present my determination to stop is high and I hope it stays that way, so will try to keep this feeling

I WILL NOT STOP TRYING

Cheryl xxxx

Hi Cheryl

I am 147 days in and i can honestly say it gets easier!

Just keep reading and posting on here and you will be 100 days + in no time at all.

Keep going

Steve x

Hi Cheryl

Thanks for your supportive words

You are doing well having no money helps to keep abstaining daily and therefore each day the mind does get clearer and each day makes you stronger

Use the triangle and keep posting and stay strong

Suzanne x

Hi Cheryl

Glad to read you are still going strong and are feeling determined. I have been staying away from iPad to try and keep my mind away from gambling so haven't been on forum as much this week, but it is nice to come back on here and feel supported and to see you are doing ok too.

Keep doing what your doing and you can't go far wrong.

Tee jay x