Will This Misery Ever End

I last gambled on Friday evening, once again I waited for my money to hit my account and gambled pretty much all of it. I have pretty much slept for the past 2 days just so that I could block out the pain and misery I am feeling. I have however woke up today feeling a bit more positive. I have self excluded from the 2 sites that I have been using to gamble and have emailed my CBT Therapist and my counsellor to arrange sessions for this week after not attending last week. I have also arranged to have my money paid into my moms account for a few weeks because I go away next month and need to make sure I actually have money to go with. I have also started a gambling diary to create discussion at my next counselling session. It seems like a never ending state of misery but I am still holding on just hoping that one day it will get better. I have very little fight left in me

Do everything you can whilst you're in a good place to make it as hard as ppossible to gamble.

Contact your bank in person. Explain the situation and ask for them to block your card from being used on gambling sites. Take a list of all the websites you know and they will do that. A bank can be a rare friend in this situation.

Excluding yourself from the sites you have been using is not enough...you'd just open another.

If you use bookies, go and talk to them and get yourself excluded off the premises. Take a picture of yourself so all the staff can be shown.

As well as this, talk to your bank about an account that can not be used online. An account that you literally have to go into a branch to transfer or withdraw. This way you can put all your money in there except living expenses.

Finally, if there is someone you would be completely ashamed of knowing about this. Explain you've had some problems and it would help to know they are looking at your statements.

My mum is sickened by the idea of wasting a 5er on gambling...let alone the 1000s she doesn't know about. She has full access to my online banking now and I can't imagine gambling if she knew about it.

Good luck and stay active!

Thanks for you advice Nick. Most of those things I have tried with little success however I have today started the ball rolling to sign over my benefits to my mom to give me a fighting chance to beat this. I have been to the docs this morning and theyve started me on my new meds for my tourettes syndrome and depression. I am hoping these more effective drugs will help lift my mood a bit and give me more of a chance of fighting the addiction. I have also been intouch wiith my old boss about going back as a volunteer youth worker to try and boost my confidence and self esteem again. All in all things are looking up. My plan is to go to the bank tomorrow and close all my accounts. When I feel able to manage my own money again I will use my post office account which means I have to actually collect my money in cash from the PO without the complication of a debit card, overdrafts etc. I am feeling pretty positive today so fingers crossed this continues. Any support or encouragement is very much welcomed. 🙂

Hi guys, its been a week since I last gambled, may not seem long but its the longest ive gone in a long while. Ive been having urges to gamble for a few days but today i had a run in with someone from my past and its really bothered me. I know people say you shouldnt care what people think but i cant help it. I have upset a lot of people in the past through my gambling and other issues. Ive lost a few really good friends aswell. Im not a bad person but i am an acquired taste and tend to upset people quite easily. I go away in a few weeks time, cant wait. Just got to try and stay off the gambling so I have money to spend while im away. Ive arranged for my mom to look after my cash whilst im going through this difficult stage. Ive got work tomorrow so going to get an early night. Support & feedback always appreciated. I will keep getting back on the horse as they say, I will not give in

just read your thread and i just wanted to wish you all the best in regaining your life.

you sound like a really nice person that has taken all the right steps, a whole week well done! im on day 2! like you i am going away in a couple of weeks and i really need the break, so am hoping to have saved before i go.

all the best & i will check back soon x

Hi. I have just read your posts and wanted to give you a few words of encouragement. Well done, firstly, for coming on here. I am in my second week and finding that other diaries and the comments people are making on mine are incredibly helpful. I also want to say that I am older than you - in fact I have children your age - and I know how much you can enrich your life by beating this thing now. Believe me, it's not a problem you want to take into your 30's, 40's, 50's... your life is worth so much more than throwing it away on this. I understand that you are dealing with some issues, and I reckon Tourettes is one of those things that puts you in the firing line for unhelpful reactions and you're probably hard on yourself too? Take the counselling - I am slowly understanding the self-destructive nature of compulsive gambling is doubly addictive for those with low self-esteem or feelings of wishing to hide (from the world and yourself). The gambling, for me, became something to immerse myself in, the focus of my life, in order not to deal with anything painful (senseless as the gambling was painful). I am sorry if I'm way off the mark - I wish you strength to get through this to a better life xx