Worry and Regret

Families can aggravate.. You deal with it your way. Don't let your mind get overwhelmed with feelings of anger.. 

Life sorts itself. And you are on a decent path.. Weather is good. Life is trickling back again. 

Stay safe. Be happy ? Boo 

Today, the sun is shining and I am going to have a super, super , super fabulous weekend. I’m excited. I sense normality returning. I’m going to run, I’m going to cycle, I’m going to take the kids to several parks. I’m getting some ice cream and everything is going to be marvellous.

RR

I have had a fabulous last two days and I feel happy. I had a tremendous run on Friday with an incredible last mile and I ran yesterday. My calf hurt a little yesterday and I need to rest that today which is disappointing.

The kids and I went out for a big cycle on Friday and we stopped at a little traditional bakers that still exists. The smell of the place alone is worth the visit - you don't get that from Greggs or Aulds. Anyway, the cakes and donuts they make are wild.

The weather has been excellent in the past two days and it makes such a difference.

We have changed our summer holiday to later in the year which I look forward to. I’ve got an amazing deal and I’m paying less than we normally would which is a bonus.

I feel happy and content this weekend. I would describe myself as feeling down in the past few weeks which I put down to my calf injury and lack of exercise. I think I need exercise and the great outdoors. It sets my mood.

I hope everyone stays safe and away from betting establishments over the next few weeks when they open up. They do nothing for us other than cause destruction and long term unhappiness. They’re not for us.

RR

A very happy read... 

Action man on feet and wheels.. 

Yes summer is here.. Let's enjoy 

Boo ?

Hope this week's been good to you 

Boo ?

Have a good weekend. 

Stay safe 

Boo 

?

I had never stepped foot in a bookies until my mid 20’s and new nothing about playing roulette in a bookies until my late 20’s. People don’t believe me when I say it but I’ve never played a fruit machine. I could never understand how people just seemed to know how to play those things. They never interested me whether it be in a pub or even at an arcade at a seaside resort.

I was on a stag do when on the last day my friends were in a bookies and I was in a pub watching football. At half time I went next door to the bookies to find out why they were there so long and found them all huddled around a machine. They were all losing. They asked me to put a tenner in and to their frustration I picked red and won. To their major frustration I instantly collected and the ticket printed off which I took to the desk. This happened 5 times in a row in between them losing. They were going mad at me not playing numbers and for collecting each time. I was like that back then - winning a tenner was great. Winning £50 was huge. I was hooked and I didn’t know it.

Within a week I went to the bookies alone to play roulette. I loved it. Within a month I’d withdraw my max of £250 on most visits. The change was so fast. It all spiralled so quickly. I’d never bet more than £20 on a football bet and most times I’d only put on a £2 accumulator. Roulette had totally consumed me. I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to play.

Within a few years I’d play morning break, lunchtime and after work. Not every day but when I was at it Id go full throttle until I ran out of money.

My losses were always in the hundreds never the thousands but that would come later when I eventually dabbled online with a credit card.

My addiction took me on a rollercoaster journey. I changed as a person. A normally very sociable person stopped going out as much. My money was for roulette and little else. Everything else was an expensive which ate into roulette money. This lasted several years.

I don’t know to this day how I got away with it. I became a skilled liar. Nobody seemed to know. I rarely if ever gambled in my home town.

I have a far better understanding of addiction today. I know what addiction is capable off. I read hundreds of articles, diaries snd later went to GA. 

I am grateful for the life that I have today. My life could have went the other way. I am grateful that I stopped when I did and I shudder to think where I’d be if I tried to win it back the next day.

RR

Thank you for telling us how your gambling started

I was also in my mid to late twenties, when I crossed that invisible line into compulsive gambling, though with the benefit of hindsight the seeds were sown many years earlier when I played space invader games obsessively as a young teenager.

I also remember the day when I crossed the line into compulsive gambling. I was living in London. I got into the habit of going for a coffee just outside Victoria train station to read the Evening Standard etc. But this particular day I was distracted by something and just wondered into the Arcade next door. Out of curiosity I put my loose change into a machine. The buttons lit up and suddenly someone was at my side telling me excitedly "don't hold, don't hold" just spin. So I did. I won some money and then some more. I didn't know it at the time but from that moment forward I was hooked. It only took a year or two to reach one of many rock bottoms. I obsess over particular slot games. The slot games changed over the years but the obsession hasn't. Even to this day I still don't know a thing about roulette and I intend to keep it that way.

Its strange isn't it. We get addicted to different types of gambling but in essence we all have the same illness.

Regards, S.A 

Thanks for the openness in your read.

Take care.. Off to compose a piece for my own diary now ? Boo 

Have a good week ahead RR.. Hopeful  for some sun to run ?‍♀️☀️ take care

Boo ??

Today, I’ve had a six mile run this morning, I’ve been to boxing this afternoon and tonight I’m going on a three mile run with my son. This is excessive obviously but is also part of the success of my recovery. I don’t do this much in a day any other day than a Friday but I’m in a good place and I’m motivated and I have the time and energy and fitness to do so. Add roulette to my life and all of the above vanish. In an instant.

Also, I’m getting my back garden landscaped and it’ll look amazing. My wife and kids will enjoy sitting out and playing in the back garden once its finished. It’s taking about two weeks and we’ve wanted to do it for years and now we can. Add roulette to my life and the above doesn’t happen. Simple.

Life as a non gambler is awesome and so much better than life in the action of gambling. Once you quit you start to change. Give it enough time and everything changes.

RR

Quite the inspiration. Lovely to read. 

Stay safe RR 

Boo ?

Good sunny morning

Thank you for your strong kind words.

I also say back to you the same. Not an easy place to be at times in our heads.

And the gambling situation out there gets worse I read. Thankful for my saviours here

There are moments my thoughts trail but the hard sheer work of going to  gamble to scramble my emotions is so strong it reasons my mind. Really recall the anxiety and sheer taking over my mind.

Anyway it's positive and forward..

A nice brew calls me

Stay safe..

? Boo 

Thanks RR.

No I won't gamble. The feeling of winning and playing was good. The feelings of loss misery and despair. I'm replacing those highs now with a run. A coffee and chat after. The cinema. Homelife and sanity.. Priceless.

Of  course my mind wanders.. I'm human not a divine being.. But most importantly I control those urges.. I pace my life.

All is good.

Thanks RR you take care

Boo ?

RR.. Hope all is well. The sun shines and the earth is still turning.

Take care ? boo