Worry and Regret

Hiya... Glad you enjoyed your christmas break and good luck with your marathon training. Remember that at some point it will help to do back to back long runs ie to simulate the full marathon without actually doing it in training. Must admit I can't quite remember whether you have done a marathon or 10 or not?

great stuff on your continued abstinence from gambling. Your feeling the rewards for sure.

S.A 🙂

RR

Fella just having a catch up around the forum, it’s great to read the effects abstinence have on folk and even more so the profound difference it brings to the folk they hold dear.

for your efforts I salute you fella 

keep running in the right direction ??

Duncs

I have had a very busy week at work. We are as busy as we were pre-Covid which is great. Hopefully this continues as our industry recovers. It’s been a challenging two years.

I made an amateur running mistake last week. I ran 10 miles with a hole in a sock which rubbed and burned after 4 miles. The result was a massive blister, the biggest blister you could imagine, and it’s caused me to not run since last Sunday. I feel the affects of that. I need exercise. Hopefully be good to start again tomorrow.

Got a great day lined up today. Me and my son got a big away day with the football today to an old fashioned ground that we love. The supporters bus is full and a great away support going today. Must win game and we’re all very excited. These trips can be expensive and when I was a crazy, mad gambler I might not have made it but now I’m not and my priorities are solid and the expense of today doesn’t even enter my thinking. I have money to do this because  I don’t gamble and haven’t in a long time. This is what we love doing and my son is super excited. His papa will be on the bus, so will his uncle and his cousins. It’s a great day out. It’s a mental day and a fun, happy, boisterous time all round.

My wife and daughter have their own plans with friends today and everyone has something their looking forward to.

Everyone is happy. Doesn’t get better than that.

RR

Stay happy ? boo

@rouletteregret 

Hi 

Thank you for your share.

Talking about your my son was super excited.

In being healthy for this day you can appreciate how powerful a childs happiness can mean to us today.

Such times have so much value to our recovery today.

With step four I found once I got over money lost I found that my time wasted being unhealthy meant I lost those special moments with my family.

How do I measure my recovery today, can my family be completely fearless with me today.

Can my family be completely honest with me today.

Can my family see my hurt inner child come out to play today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AK Dave Of Beckenham UK

Dave,

Thank you for your message above. I had read this much earlier in the week but couldn’t find a way of replying. I have read many, many of your posts throughout the years but couldn’t find a specific diary to reply to. Thank you for taking the time to send me a message - very much appreciated.

I am always keen to read and learn from others and you, in particular, always impress me with your knowledge, wisdom, experience and dedication. 

Dear Diary,

I have had a busy week. Work is super busy which I like. My week has flown by. I’ve been going to the gym before work and I feel great on arrival - wide awake, ready for the day and with a feeling that I’ve accomplished something meaningful before the day has even started.

Managed to get out a run yesterday as the blister in a blister is healing. I’m going out for a run in about 20 minutes and its raining and the wind is wild - woke up to garden furniture all over the garden ?

Not making the football today ☹️ Got a family party to go to this afternoon (only woman organise parties at 3pm on a Saturday). Anyway, kids get to play with cousins, it should be a decent day.

Looking to have a nice and enjoyable weekend. 

RR

Keep at it RR. Stay safe.. Boo ?

Just back from a treacherous run. Ice cold rain and the type of wind that cuts you in two. My whole body is scarlett. Good run in the bank.

No football today to go to. I’ve some other commitments today. Daughter has a party to go to and oldest boy has a big race so I’ll be driving between these today. Listen to the football on the radio.

Like last week, I’m blown away by how fast my weeks are passing by. Work flies in and before you know it it’s the weekend again.

I bought a new pair of running trainers yesterday. They were more expensive than I’d usually pay but I’m able to treat myself. This is a consequence of not gambling. 

RR

@rouletteregret i feel you man! Life is a deadly place! Me too i can save for 5 years get about 5k in the bank only to gamble it within one day. 

i have that addictive personality, but must admit i think gambling can be even worst than drugs and its LEGAL! 

I PERSONALLY THINK FOBT MACHINES AND ANY SIMILAR MACHINES ONLINE SHOULD BE AT LEAST BANNED, they ruin lives, if these machines could only take £100 maximum i would understand but you cant play with someones life with a game.

i could go on but for some reason this will never happen.

Hi.. good to read that all is good and well in your world.

I had a good run in the cold and wet too! 

I hear what you say about the running trainers. I need new one's but don't have the money as it stands.

Yet another reason to motivate oneself to stay stopped.

I went out for a 7 mile run yesterday in my new running trainers and ended up doing a half marathon ? I just kept going. I felt great and enjoyed it immensely. Legs started to stiffen a little last night.

Got visitors today. Taking them to the football today and out for dinner tonight. 

Thinking about going to the gym shortly. Nothing too strenuous snd nothing on the legs. Real reason is the gym is close to an amazing old fashioned bakery and I’ve been tasked by wife to get nice cakes for visitors. May as well kill two birds with one stone.

Feeling happy enough and content with life. Long may that continue.

RR

Hi

The topic of Worry and Regret very good ones.

Can I say that worrying is productive.

For me worrying is very much unhealthy fear based issues, which freezes me from being productive and having healthy intimate relationships.

My five emotional triggers are pains not healed, my fears not being faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of life situations and people, by having  unreasonable expectations I am destined to causing myself unhealthy pains, another emotional trigger is loneliness and boredom. 

Today each unhealed pain caused fears in me that I did not understand.

Being in a state of high levels of fears I am on the edge of going in to an unhealthy panic mode.

So by attending live meetings I reduce my unhealthy fears, by giving deep seated therapies I am again not only reducing my fears of intimacy but I am also learning to articulate myself in a healthy way.

Regret is living in the pains of my past unhealthy habits unhealthy words and unhealthy actions.

Regret indicates that I have a healthy conscience based up on spiritual values.

Regret also indicates that I have met my commitments to myself and other people.

Regret is some thing that causes us more pains by living in them.

Understanding that by our living in the past we are not moving on by healing our pains.

I now understand that I am unable to change the best, I am unable to understand it is not in my power to heal other people.

The only person I can heal is myself.

In time as I get healthy I am less likely to betray others trust of me, and to keep my word.

In time by me being healthy, people reduce their fears of me.

That in turn they start to trust us once more.

I Regret today that I was such an unhealthy person,  I could not understand that I was a very unhealthy person.

In me there was a very vulnerable hurt child who learned to live in fear and not open to people as healthy as I could do.

People might event think that me being and saying I am an addict was a way of escape responsibility for cheating lying and betraying people.

I learned in time to have empathy for myself and in time have empathy for other people in pain.

Yet how can I heal if I keep saying to myself I am fine.

How can I really expose how emotionally vulnerable I am if I am saying I am alright when I am drowning in my pains and emotional triggers.

I remember each day that pains cause fears in me.

Going to meetings and opening up in time empowers me.

I was on the road a lot of time, and often questioned each one of my fears, 

Over time my lists of my fears got longer an longer.

Fear of being honest.

Fear of being accountable.

Fear of being myself.

Fear of being accepted.

And the lists  just went on and on.

Yet talking in meetings about my fears reduced them one by one, what is the very worst that can happen.

Am I willing to accept the very worst and low and behold once I accept the worst my fear drop from 10 out of ten to singe figures.

I needed to put a number on each fear, ten being high, when talking to other people discussing that level before and after sharing and low and behold fears reduced one by one, simply by sharing.

The more important thing I could do is go to meetings no matter when my last bet was.

Hiya... good to read that you are happy and content. Long may it last.

I now have my new running trainers too!

Happy days are here again. 🙂

Hello thanks for the support.

Im feeling better in mood now spring is here soon. However i think i have cross addiction as food is my friend ??? so curbing thsy now.

Yes over 2 years.. Wow.. Still have should i days but logic kicks in like a pilot light..

Work is busy. Had a new manager so he seems kind and rewarding and has a sense of humour too. Morale is low but i feel a pleasant wind of change. Home life ok.

Still running. When i can. And cinema and returned to our monthly pub quiz which i love.. Landlady just asks for minimal fee to charity but in return butties n chips too. 

Take care... Enjoy life

? Boo 

Probably regret this post later.

I’m in a 7 day isolation period after catching Covid for the second time. Like the first time, my symptoms are next to nothing. I had a runny nose for 3 days. No headache, no cough, no sore throat, no fever etc. I have to miss a week of work and I can’t leave the house. I’m going stir crazy.

Two of my kids have it as well. Like first time round they display no symptoms whatsoever. They struggle to understand why they can’t go out to play, go to their sporting clubs and go to school when they feel fine.

My eldest son was to take part in a National sporting event yesterday and we couldn’t go. He has trained extremely hard through the winter, the cold and the dark nights of icy rain. It’s utter rubbish.

I sympathise with the poor souls who have suffered with Covid and those who have suffered loss but I still think the way this has been tackled is madness.

The amount of school kids have missed in the past two years is ridiculous and the damage this has caused will be become evident over the next few years. My kids are extremely lucky that their mum is a teacher but others are not as fortunate and will suffer for it. 

The country I live in needs to stop playing at Politics. Easy to spend money when its not yours your spending.

I am kicking myself for taking the test. If I hadn’t tested I would have ran 7 miles on Friday morning and went to the gym on Friday afternoon as I always do. Even that statement can’t possibly make sense.

Rant over. Frustrated.

No gambling.

RR