Worry and Regret

I had a fabulous day yesterday. After isolation I am free as a bird again. I went for a 5 mile run in the morning and I went to the gym in the afternoon. I read over 100 pages of my book at night. I didn’t watch the TV and I wasn’t lying on the couch like a beached whale. I didn’t eat any garbage whatsoever and had an unbelievably healthy day. I went to bed early and slept for 9 hours, which never happens. Yesterday, was brilliant and I didn’t spend a penny.

Freedom and the great outdoors is something that we shouldn’t take for granted.

Today, the sun is shining and the sky is blue and I plan on doing the same as yesterday with other good stuff chucked in.

RR

Hi RR

It is nice to see and feel relaxation motivation and a healthy direction in our productive lives.

It was very difficult for me to over come my lack of confidence and self esteem.

Just by abstaining only with out change was very difficult to be productive and change how I value myself.  

I did not think that I would have fabulous days in my life after being so unhealthy for so long.

Having a 5 mile run in the morning excellent.

Read over 100 pages of a book I am not in to that as yet.

I watch the TV when I need to relax.

Looking like a beached whale yup that is me.

In my recovery I found out that after some time I would be tested even more in my recovery by the unexpected things that happen.

I enjoy the feelings freedom of being more caring loving nurturing and more productive. 

Things I use to think were so impossible I now know are achievable.

Here in Canada we are having temperatures' below -8C over night and snow is only about 3 inches deep at some places.

I am often out shoveling snow, it is a way of life for us today.

Once I was seriously in to my recovery once money was paid back and I had 5 different debtors to pay back.

I did not rush at paying back debts that would have sabotaged my recovery.

Once debts were cleared we had the choices of holidays simple ones at first, short holidays, in a tents, then short Europe trips then over seas, it was slow yet once we got the holiday bug it became a healthy habit.

We even got to Florida a 3 times, one time to celebrate 25 years of marriage.

2020 we got to celebrate 50 years of marriage, would that have happened if I was still in self destructive unhealthy habits.

The most powerful things are using tools and making things happen in our home.

It al starts from making simple plans, laying out healthy choices in most things.

Measure twice cut once.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Dave,

Thank you for your post on my diary. I take more and more from your words now than I ever did. Definitely more than I did a few years ago. I think I wasn’t ready a few years ago to fully understand your words. Back then I thought it was just gambling and that that was the reason for the state of my life and the negativity I felt towards myself. I think I see the bigger picture now.

P.S. I am the champion of watching TV. My previous post was a celebration of being free from Covid and an isolation period where I plumped myself on the couch and watched about 12 hours of TV per day while gorging on junk and feeling sorry for myself ?

Yesterday was a good day which mirrored the previous day. In addition to this my son had his first official football match of the new season and he played exceptionally well scoring 3 goals. His kick off was later than usual so his mum and sister came to watch as well and he was a very happy boy. I gave him some cash for his hat trick which he happily spent with his friends later on in the afternoon.

My daughter has a BDay party later this afternoon. March is an expensive month for birthdays in my house. My wife has spent what I think is a fortune but I try to react to these things better than I did in previous years. If I know it’ll happen then I can at least plan, prepare and save for the expense. Previously, when gambling, planning or saving didn’t really exist. Back then, our life was on credit and now it is not. I don’t mean to come across as an arrogant flash so and so because I’m not. I’m simply trying to articulate that without gambling in my life there is freedom all round and some of that freedom is financial. 

I went a run with my eldest son yesterday morning in beautiful weather. It’s scary how good he got during Covid times. I helped him and I pushed him when needed and now I can’t compete with him. I find these runs very hard. The pace he runs at is too much for me now. I’d love to say I’ll get back to being faster so we can continue running together but the harsh reality is he is training and improving at a rate that is likely not possible for me. I’m an old dad now and must face up to it like all the old dads before me. My son is faster than me and he’s not even a teenager yet ???

RR

...... yes, but has he got the endurance. Could he sustain that pace for 26.2 miles or would he hit the wall and slow to a crawl??

I cheer myself up when these fast youngsters come storming past by saying to myself... that they would not be able to sustain it. I live in delusional world lol

Good to read your thoughts as always.

Life is good.

@rouletteregret 

Hi

Thank you for getting back to me.

Thank you it is very much a to way sharing of our experiences.

In recovery we have heard many things yet you get that light bulb moment when start to understand more about our self. 

It takes some time to heal and process our feelings and our emotions and to understand in depth more about our self.

Often why it is important to stick with the recovery program we get to see and feel our self in other peoples sharing.

It can take some time to become ready for the healing process to kick in.

You say you had negativity towards yourself.

Were you angry at your self.

Have you been able to watch After Life on Netflx.

I Highly recommend it.

It is very much an emotional roller coaster ride.

It was so good I watched it twice.

I laughed more and cried more watching it the second time.

For me watching TV is my relaxing time.

Having digital system enables me to watch programmes at my own convenience.

I am pleased to hear free from Covid good for you.

Being in Canada we get used to be snowed in which helps me get inside jobs done.

I am glad you got great pleasure from you being connected to your son having his first official football match of the new season

You say he played exceptionally well scoring 3 goals telling him you were proud of him is very powerful.

I do hope your daughter has a really Birth Day party later today.

It was hard for me to stop living on credit it was a very expensive way to live.

People talked about going in to businesses and paying cash to get 10% discount.

While I was using credit cards the cost of living was about 125% more expensive so we try to pay cards off right away.

My wife often feels uncomfortable spending money on her self.

Nearly all the time I ask her do you want or need some thing for your self.

At the beginning of my recovery we were on the Canary Islands and Shirley saw a pair of shoes she liked.

When she went to the counter I asked her to pay for them her self.

She questioned why, I let her know I do not want her to feel guilty being kind to her self.

Now some times ladies will use spending money as an obsession and often buy things do not get used or worn and things they do not need or want.

On my 21 birthday I sat in a bar with no one, that indicated to me that I was a loner and living in my fears and discomfort.

For me planning and preparing is the healthy way to live my life today

Often the level of fear in me use to cause me to panic, then over time I understood that my panic indicated high levels of fear I was living, right on the edge of panicking.

When I could not find things I automatically blamed every one else, in time I asked myself where did I last use it.

The same with working out plans letting go and relaxing in a healthy way helps me find resolve to my calculations.

My sons birthday is today, then next Sunday I am 75 years of age.

Giving up the unhealthy habit of gambling in my life there was more emotional freedom in our lives.

Giving up the unhealthy habit of gambling there is more freedom and financial freedom, less stress and less anxiety.

It is very healthy to have a run with your eldest son.

That will mean so much to him.

You helped him and I am sure you mean encouraging towards him.

By you both setting healthy goals you are feeling you achieve more with your life and your choices.

If you are competing with him do understand your own limitations.

Slowly increase your goals not healthy to push your self to hard you do not want to do damage to your self.

By doing slow increases your body will adjust over time. 

I am an old dad also.

I tend to think of myself as an old wrinkly. 

When he gets to be teenager you are in trouble.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave

Lovely running weather.. 

Sounds like you are embracing the great outdoors

Take care

Boo ?

Not been on in the last few weeks. I’ve got Covid again. Nightmare. Third time now. I’ve got young kids at school and there is forever cases in their school. Third time worse than the previous two. Not that bad but the first two times were very mild. This time I’ve definitely felt lethargic, sore throat, runny nose etc. It’s been a week now so should be over it in a day or so. 

Been missing my running and gym. Incidentally, my marathon has been cancelled seven weeks before the event. Not enough runners signed up apparently. Still not received my refund. I’m thinking about entering the Inverness Marathon which is a great route - very scenic. That is early October so plenty of time for training in better weather/light mornings and nights etc.

Forever grateful that I’m not gambling. Gets better all the time.

RR

Hi

Get better soon.

Dave L

Sorry to read RR... Its chaos isnt it. Seems to pull folk down. Do take care and YES loving the daylight and evening stroll with pooch.

Better days soon.. 

Boo ?

I’m enjoying life at the moment. The light mornings and nights and the nicer weather has a big impact on me nowadays. I’m out running 6 days per week. I’m going to the gym. I’m sleeping better. And, right now I’m sitting outside in my garden sipping a nice beer and enjoying the lovely sunshine. I’m losing some weight due to eating a bit better and I’ve kept up with my New Year’s resolution of reading more books. All in all I’m content and happy.

Life is funny. When I live good I feel good. Yet, there will come a time when I’m living badly and feel low. Why is that? Why can’t we just set about to live healthy and be well. Is this the difference between successful people and the rest of us. Does it come down to choices and/or discipline? Sitting here right now I am full of gratitude. I wish this feeling of contentment could last forever.

RR

Hi

For me being healthy allows me to enjoy life at every moment.

Worry is fear based issues.

Take one thing at a atime.

Living in fear never resolved any issues in my life.

I use to react in such unhealthy ways to people life and situations.

I use to say that this or that stressed me out, no I reacted in so many unhealthy ways.

The recovery program fo me was being able to heal my pains and reduce my unhealthy fears.

Losing weight is a healthy thing to do.

I am not in to reading books but I do enjoy sharing our common goals.

Life is funny today, I can laugh at myself when in the past I use to get angry.

Because I can laugh at myself I know I am healing the hurt nner child in me.

Because I can laugh at myself I know I am forgiving myself.

For me successful people are people who have fulfilled healthy needs healthy wants and healthy goals.

For me feeling of contentment are with me all teh time I am being healthy with in myself.

I do not need permission to be healthy today and self sufficient today.

Love and peace to every one 

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Dave,

Thanks for your post and encouraging words. As always, I take a great deal from what you say. 

RR

@rouletteregret 

Hi

THank you.

By sticking with recovery we help our self and others achieve new goals healing and peace with our selves.

Dave L

Hi RR.... Yes I think that those of us whom are disciplined in life, tend to achieve more and feel happier. I think for me I have been very impulsive all my adult life. I can establish or even stumble across a healthy routine, but I don't stick to it, sooner or later I veer off left into unhealthy patterns and renewed gambling. The craving for instant gratification becomes too strong. But hey we live and learn or we don't, but either way, life goes on.

Thinking about what you have red, to me it seems that running 6 days a week and training for your marathon and also eating well is what has given you these feel good, happy feelings.... and you haven't let yourself get thrown off track with the annoyance of Covid. 

Keep up the good work mate, your doing mighty fine 

Sounds a blissful life.. Keep going 

? Boo