Worry and Regret

...... yes, but has he got the endurance. Could he sustain that pace for 26.2 miles or would he hit the wall and slow to a crawl??

I cheer myself up when these fast youngsters come storming past by saying to myself... that they would not be able to sustain it. I live in delusional world lol

Good to read your thoughts as always.

Life is good.

Lovely running weather.. 

Sounds like you are embracing the great outdoors

Take care

Boo ?

Not been on in the last few weeks. I’ve got Covid again. Nightmare. Third time now. I’ve got young kids at school and there is forever cases in their school. Third time worse than the previous two. Not that bad but the first two times were very mild. This time I’ve definitely felt lethargic, sore throat, runny nose etc. It’s been a week now so should be over it in a day or so. 

Been missing my running and gym. Incidentally, my marathon has been cancelled seven weeks before the event. Not enough runners signed up apparently. Still not received my refund. I’m thinking about entering the Inverness Marathon which is a great route - very scenic. That is early October so plenty of time for training in better weather/light mornings and nights etc.

Forever grateful that I’m not gambling. Gets better all the time.

RR

Sorry to read RR... Its chaos isnt it. Seems to pull folk down. Do take care and YES loving the daylight and evening stroll with pooch.

Better days soon.. 

Boo ?

I’m enjoying life at the moment. The light mornings and nights and the nicer weather has a big impact on me nowadays. I’m out running 6 days per week. I’m going to the gym. I’m sleeping better. And, right now I’m sitting outside in my garden sipping a nice beer and enjoying the lovely sunshine. I’m losing some weight due to eating a bit better and I’ve kept up with my New Year’s resolution of reading more books. All in all I’m content and happy.

Life is funny. When I live good I feel good. Yet, there will come a time when I’m living badly and feel low. Why is that? Why can’t we just set about to live healthy and be well. Is this the difference between successful people and the rest of us. Does it come down to choices and/or discipline? Sitting here right now I am full of gratitude. I wish this feeling of contentment could last forever.

RR

Dave,

Thanks for your post and encouraging words. As always, I take a great deal from what you say. 

RR

Hi RR.... Yes I think that those of us whom are disciplined in life, tend to achieve more and feel happier. I think for me I have been very impulsive all my adult life. I can establish or even stumble across a healthy routine, but I don't stick to it, sooner or later I veer off left into unhealthy patterns and renewed gambling. The craving for instant gratification becomes too strong. But hey we live and learn or we don't, but either way, life goes on.

Thinking about what you have red, to me it seems that running 6 days a week and training for your marathon and also eating well is what has given you these feel good, happy feelings.... and you haven't let yourself get thrown off track with the annoyance of Covid. 

Keep up the good work mate, your doing mighty fine 

Sounds a blissful life.. Keep going 

? Boo

Goodness gracious Dave, that was one incredible post. Thank you for sharing that with me.

When I read your posts I think about your words and how they relate to me. They always relate to me in one way or another. It often takes me into deep thought which I like.

Thank you.

RR

I’ve been tired this week and have had a few nights where I struggled to get to sleep. No idea why. I’m not worried about anything. Not to worry but because Friday morning I usually get to sleep for an extra hour but not this morning. My eldest comes in at 6.30 to wake me up because I’ve slept in and I will be late for work. I tell him it’s Friday. He looks puzzled tells me it’s Thursday then apologies and walks off mumbling. So, early rise today ?

Anyway, life seems back to normal. Work busier than anytime in the past 3 years. I’m out running lots and weeks are passing by at the speed of lightning.

I’m not far off 1000 days from my last bet. My last bet - it makes me shudder. A day when I totally lost the plot. A crazy, wild man who lost all awareness of responsibility as if it were perfectly normal to try and ruin oneself in the blink of an eye. My credit card company stopped me in my tracks after about the 16th withdrawal (can’t quite remember) and I’d still be going now if they hadn’t. I’d lost control that day. I’d lost control years before but that day I’d have kept going without thinking or caring about the repercussions. I felt sorry for myself in truth. Afterwards, I was broken. I had been battered and I felt beaten up and exhausted. And then I stopped.

My ability to hurt myself amazes me. Luckily, I’ve never tried drugs. If I had I’d be dead by now. Maybe not. Maybe I could have stopped that too. Responsible in all other areas of life. Respected at work, good parent all while having a separate, secretive side of life that was killing me inside. How did I cope I’ll never know. Especially work. How could I function to a high level. How could I blow hundreds at lunchtime and 10 minutes later be heavily involved in meetings as if nothing had happened. I’ll never know.

The beautiful thing about life, no matter where you are or what you’re doing you can start over today. Start from today with what you have and change your course. Fabulous.

RR

Great post

Well done on your gamble free time! ? 

Have you got a marathon coming up?..  am sure you mentioned May a while back. If not, am guessing that Covid got in the way of things.

Anyway, its great to see how you have transformed your life for the better.

Regards, S.A

And still the beautiful summer continues.. Fields of buttercups, simply melts the heart and very distracting from so many thoughts.

Stay safe and stay busy

Take care... Thank you 

Boo ?

Hope all is well. At last a clear sky day.. I'm not park run today as have other errands to do and no gambling either. 

Nice stroll later.. Stay happy RR.

Boo, ??

Thanks for your message Dave and words of wisdom as always. Much appreciated.

Four weeks today we fly away on holiday to sunnier climates and we are all getting very excited. I can’t wait. 

Ive been doing super with my running this week and I’m getting 30 miles in which I’ve done over six days. Starting to see the lbs melt off in time for hols which makes me happy. I have two weights - April to September weight and October to March weight. Darn winter, dark days.

I officially have no gambling debt now. I wasn’t sure if I should mention this or not. In my mind its not that significant. It should be but it comes way behind simply being gamble free. I’d rather be gamble free than debt free if that makes sense. Today I am both and I am grateful for that. Two and a half years ago I couldn’t sleep for worry about gambling debt. I don’t know when I stopped worrying about it but it was quicker than you’d imagine. Once I focused on stopping and recovery the debt sat somewhere in the shadows being chipped away at. My long term supporter and genuine goodguy “S.A.” advised me that this would be the case within the first week or so on my diary and I never forgot it. He was right.

The priority is to stop gambling. Everything else improves after that. Everything.

RR

Thanks for your post Dave. I read this earlier in the week and forgot to respond. I appreciate the time you take and the words you post on my diary.

Ive been reading some posts this morning and it got me to thinking about the mental chaos of gambling.

I often wonder how I could lose hundreds of pounds on roulette at lunchtime and be in a state of disbelief and wild panic only to walk back into work and carry on like nothing had happened. I wouldn’t think about it again until I got back in the car after work finished. How does one do this?

Likewise, I could win or lose hundreds on my way home and be in a state of turmoil or utter joy and walk through the front door and act as if nothing had happened. My wife would ask how my day was and I’d say “good”.

Ive had times where I’ve taken my wife to the hairdresser and agreed to pick her up 2 hours later. She thought I’d went home whereas I was across the street playing roulette. Sometimes I’d win a lot and sometimes I’d lose a lot. My emotions when picking her up were neither up nor down. If I lost inside I’d be in turmoil. Only in a small number of occasions could she could sense something was wrong. I’d smile and deny it. Deceit.

I read about the increase in numbers of suicide in young males. It makes me think that the masking of these young men is similar to a gambling addict. To everyone around them the sad and shocking suicide comes as a massive shock because nobody knew there was ever a problem. Gambling addicts mask emotions in a similar fashion. We need to talk to people. I am forever telling my kids that if they have a problem with anything they can talk to me and their mum without judgement. No matter how often you say this you still have to continuously dig away to get information from them when you sense something is worrying them. It could be a school test, a disagreement with a friend. At bedtime it usually comes out but they’ve been carrying worries for hours and they’re kids so their worries are nonsense most of the time. You reassure them and they go to sleep feeling happy and secure. What is it in adults that stops is from reaching out for help?

One of the greatest benefits of not gambling is that I don’t need to worry about it anymore. That is magnificent.

RR