Worry and Regret

It has just dawned on me today that if I continue to abstain from gambling I will wake up on Christmas morning on my 100th day gambling free. That is a nice short term goal to set and I’m sure I will feel great making that a reality.

I so badly want the build up to Christmas to be an enjoyable family event with my having a clear head being present in the moment and not lost in my own mind worrying about a recent devastating gambling event.

One thing that I’ve noticed in the past 27 days is the looking at your life one day at a time rather than just floating through life. I question myself daily. Did I work hard? Was I lazy? How did I eat? Did I exercise if not why not? How was my behaviour i.e. was I angry or short with my loved ones, did I spend enough time with my kids asking them about their day etc etc. I think we can all change one day at a time. Some days will be horrendous and need to be written off but the beauty is we can start again the next day and try to be better.

Up until now I’ve taken everything in my life for granted. I read a lot of new things everyday now. One of the things is gratitude and how powerful an effect this can have on you. For too long I’ve focussed on what I don’t have without ever being grateful for the things I do have. I have lots. I don’t do too badly many people will be far worse off than me. I want to focus on the good things that I have and the good people around me.

RR

Posted by: RouletteRegret

It has just dawned on me today that if I continue to abstain from gambling I will wake up on Christmas morning on my 100th day gambling free. That is a nice short term goal to set and I’m sure I will feel great making that a reality.

I so badly want the build up to Christmas to be an enjoyable family event with my having a clear head being present in the moment and not lost in my own mind worrying about a recent devastating gambling event.

One thing that I’ve noticed in the past 27 days is the looking at your life one day at a time rather than just floating through life. I question myself daily. Did I work hard? Was I lazy? How did I eat? Did I exercise if not why not? How was my behaviour i.e. was I angry or short with my loved ones, did I spend enough time with my kids asking them about their day etc etc. I think we can all change one day at a time. Some days will be horrendous and need to be written off but the beauty is we can start again the next day and try to be better.

Up until now I’ve taken everything in my life for granted. I read a lot of new things everyday now. One of the things is gratitude and how powerful an effect this can have on you. For too long I’ve focussed on what I don’t have without ever being grateful for the things I do have. I have lots. I don’t do too badly many people will be far worse off than me. I want to focus on the good things that I have and the good people around me.

RR

? beautiful.

Thank you very much for this ??

Keep going.

I’ve been trying to log on tonight and a yellow dialogue box appeared telling me that I was banned from the forum and that I need to contact admin.

I haven’t done anything wrong and haven’t even posted today. Also, I don’t know how to contact admin. I was hoping someone may read this and offer advice. I was getting worried about it but it seems I’m allowed back on now

RR

Yeah it's probably all that positive thinking and enthusiasm you've been pedalling out recently, we don't get much of that round here so the system probably freaked out and chucked you off ??

Anyway mate keep up with that running, get as much in as you can before that weather turns brisk! Enjoy the autumn while we still have it! ??

Hi @rouletteregret,

Sorry to hear you were having problems logging on to the forum earlier, but happy that the problem was resolved. I will pass on details of the problem you experienced to see if it needs further investigation. Should you ever need to get in touch with admin you can email us at forum.admin@gamcare.org.uk

All the best,

Forum Admin

Thanks admin. That was weird last night. 

Anyway, today I went a 5 mile run early this morning and got my best time in a while and my running app recorded my fastest 1k time within that run. So, I’m getting fitter and I’m getting faster. Positive stuff.

Ive made arguably the greatest ever pot of homemade soup and I’ll be enjoying that all weekend and generally, all considered, things are not so bad.

Only negative news from me is that I cancelled an eye appointment at the opticians because I know I’ll need new glasses and I can’t afford them. But, it won’t be like this forever.

RR

well done sounds like things are going great

I’ve had a tough weekend which has got me down and quite sad. In-house nonsense at home with my wife driving me mad. It won’t be the last time and I just need to be able to deal with it better.

This will come across as self pity which it probably is but I am always the lowest priority in my house and it angers me sometimes. I have a good job with a good salary. We have a nice house, nice car, go on nice holidays etc. I work full time, have a lot of responsibility and stress. My wife works two days per week. I take the kids to their clubs - football, running, swimming, dancing etc 100% of the time. Monday night is my only night off. Saturday and Sunday often events morning and afternoon while my wife sits at home to do what she wants. Anyway, yesterday afternoon I have plans which, again, need to be cancelled because my wife for whatever reason feels the need to make a big deal about. She calls me selfish, lazy, a narcissist, says I don’t do anything with the kids, I don’t care about anybody but myself and so on so on.

I used to be sociable, have a large group of friends, get invited to regular things. Now I feel as though I don’t do anything. I’ve not been out with friends to a pub once this year and it’s nearly November. Now nobody knows me on here but this would be unthinkable several years ago.

My wife is skilled at arguing as are all of her family members. I’m simply not intelligent enough to compete with her in an argument. Basically, I always lose. It’s got to the point where I no longer make plans because most of the time I’ll cancel 15 minutes before I’m due to leave the house. I’m sick of it. I think I deserve better. I’m unhappy with this situation and there is nobody to tell. So I’m putting it on here.

To summarise my general feelings I feel as though at work I look forward to the weekend. At some point in the weekend I look forward to going back to work. That’s not right. The result is that the weeks and my life fly by with me never being too happy for too long.

Self pity indeed. Back to work tomorrow- I’ll be fine within an hour of walking through the door.

RR

I’ve had a busy few days at work and continue to have an icy relationship with the wife after the nonsense of the weekend.

Really struggling to get myself out for any midweek runs which I know would do me the world of good. I really need to make this a healthy and regular habit.

34 days since my last bet which to be honest feels like a very long time ago. Just need to keep going.

Struggling through life this week. Not gambling and not contemplating gambling but just down. Generally sad and lacking motivation.

Just need to realise that it wont be like this forever and eventually things will change.

Just like a light switching on I was instantly in a better mood today. No idea why but from the minute I woke up I just felt good and happier.

Today marks the 40th day since I last gambled. Those days have passed quickly.

Change remains difficult and my greatest challenge but I’m aware how crucial it is. I need healthy structure. I know what makes me better and I think I know what would make me happier but, still, putting it all together is not something that I’m managing to do. It should be easier. What do you want? What do you need to do to achieve it. Do it everyday. Simple.

Hi @rouletteregret, 

Well done on marking 40 days gambling free. You're well on the way to achieving the goal you shared of waking up on Christmas morning and marking your 100th day gambling free.

All the best, 

Forum Admin

Thanks Admin for your kind words.

Reading your message made me realise that I have mis-calculated my day count. I will be 90 days on Christmas Day and not 100 but still nice all the same.

Anyway, good day today. Found out that Im getting a bonus at the end of this month. Not huge but enough to put a smile on my face and make a difference at Christmas. The money will be used wisely and will not find its way to a roulette wheel.

Took the kids out for a walk through the streets in the dark looking at the fireworks. All very excited and happy. Good night and a good day all round.

Its been 43 days since I last gambled and only in this past week have I not been sitting on my calculator trying to work iut how quickly I can pay off my debt. So, its taken six weeks for me to mentally come to terms with my financial situation. It definitely feels better not worrying about it day to day. Strange really - the debt is the same and cannot change only my way of thinking about it can change and it has.

With the above paragraph in mind it makes me think how much of the garbage in my head is real and how much is down to obscure thinking. We live in a world where we are probably far overly self critical. The masses want to be thinner, fitter, healthier, younger, wealthier, more successful, more popular and so the list goes on. This affects people of all ages. I wish we as individuals could just accept ourselves more. Maybe it could be easier to be happy if we didnt expect so much of ourselves all of the time.

I went for a 6 mile run this morning in the cold air and I now feel fabulous. Im about to go for a very hot bath and this is a happy morning.

The days since I last stupidly gambled add up. My mental clarity is improving. I’m on the countdown to Christmas now and with an excited young family that is something to look forward to. All I need to do is keep going. Try to not get too down when I’m down and if it happens simply realise that it doesnt last and good days like today will be with me shortly.

RR