Worry and Regret

Hello RR,

First, a red wine fuelled post, so thats my validation.

Good on you for your tri - daily run, something i only think about ! Yet, i do have the trainers ?

Now, albeit irrelevant, but wondering whether homelessman was a buisness man in disguise ? Was interesting how wifes haircut and homeless sleeping bag was put into the same sentance - Very English.

So, despite long winded, my point is, that its very admirable how far youve come, also its very admirable that you noticed the homeless man and appreciated what you have, but dont get side tracked - ' selfish in addiction, selfish in rediscovery ' . 

Thats what matters, and then the filter begins in helping your nearest and dearest and less fortunate folk.

All the best 

Rince - repeated post

I have just got into same boat, was massively in debt about 8 years ago, racked up thousands and thousands of debt, so i stopped when on a debt charity called pay plan, where i paid a set amount each month, it was hard going, i ended working a lot of extra hours, to pay it back which i did in about 6 years. That was the good news until last week, with no debt gambled all my wages away and gambled on my credit card. I now feel ashamed and angry with myself, i have blocked internet access to gambling sites, j know how it feels, but i am sick to the teeth of gambling now and sick to the teeth of money i have got in debt with, but i am going to try to be positive and leave it alone, i know it is hard, but this time i can beat gambling by stopping

Hi RR... yes by the sounds of it, you do have a decent life which makes it strange why any of us would ruin a perfectly normal and ok life. I suppose gambling takes on a world of its own, designed to addict us in all its forms.

I think am just one step out the door way from that homeless fella you speak of. Believe it or not I never put the heating on in my flat unless somebody is coming over (a rare event) and even then its just a bar fire in the lounge. I have these old electric storage radiators that are very expensive and only seem to pump out heat when am not actually there. All I seem to care about is whether am warm enuff to sleep ie two duvets. On the coldest of nights I have ice on the inside of the windows. This is how my sick mind is. Deny myself warmth because its supposedly too expensive and yet I go into a "warm" gambling den and blow all my money. My level of self-care is astonishingly bad. I am but one lost pay check away from rent arrears and potential homelessness. As it stands I don't know whether I will be paid on Friday the 13th or Monday the 16th but that will be my next danger point. Anyway sorry to ramble on in your diary... keep up the good work... your doing mighty fine.. 🙂

Dear S.A,

Thank you for your supportive response to RouletteRegret. However, it seems as though you are going through a particularity tough time. Some of our callers do neglect their own needs, so we want to stand by you, to help you to take better care of yourself. You matter, you really do. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed by your situation? We can help you to work through it and unravel the areas in your life that may seem too complicated to handle. 

We are ready to listen to you 24/7 

Best wishes

Fiona

Forum Admin

Ive had a decent few days and Im doing Ok but there will come a time in my future where I will want to hurt myself. Not physically. There will come a time when Ill get too stressed at work, I’ll have a massive argument with my wife or Ill be so tired I can barely function. These things happen and I don't have a plan for it. This makes me aware that Im in abstinence and not recovery but its only been 68 days and I’m ok with it. Most importantly, I’m aware of it.

My wife informed me two weeks ago that she had spent 60 quid on my kids seeing Santa. I was on the brink of meltdown. She reminded me that their only young once and I calmed down from a 10 to a 8.5

Anyway, Santa visit been and they were all buzzing. The whole day was a day of excitement and happiness. We did other fun things as well and it goes down as a great day. My way would be to never pay the 60 quid because its a ridiculous rip off. But, I spent thousands on roulette in one hour and actually lost count of how much I’d deposited. Perspective.

I bought a pair of smart boots on Saturday. I rarely buy new clothes outside of birthday or Christmas. As I walked to the till I muttered to myself - you can buy this because you’ve not gambled. It’s so true. I had money to treat myself because Ive stopped gambling. The money was well spent and  Ive not regretted it for a single minute. On the contrary my new footwear look outstanding.

RR

Not much to say. Im ok. Getting a little stressed about money but nothing too serious.

I’m hoping for a nice few days over the weekend and then back to work knowing that there is only two weeks until the shutdown. Very excited about this.

RR

Yes, I totally relate to your recent thoughts... when it comes to money its all about a bit of perspective!

I feel a bit like am clinging on to your coat tails at the moment in this recovery journey... and breath! 🙂

Thanks for your message SA

I forgot to say that this is a tremendous weekend of sport. I cannot wait for the boxing tonight. I love it and cant wait although I suspect that AJ loses again maybe even knocked out by the 7th.

Manchester derby on before boxing and tomorrow brings the Old Firm Cup Final in Scotland. Great weekend of sport to enjoy.

Have a lovely weekend guys.

RR

Not much to report but I felt the need to log an entry. Ive only got 6 days of work left before the shutdown and I simply cannot wait. I need a rest and I find the Xmas holidays more relaxing than being on a foreign holiday. I love the dark mornings lying in bed and not waking to an alarm and equally enjoy watching xmas films at night with the kids sharing some Quality Street. I have a long break and I need it.

Found out the other day that my wife has ran up a ridiculously high credit card. Her shopping debt exceeds my gambling debt. Its strange really. My debt is a huge burden of shame and worry for me yet my wife only ever lives for today and never stresses about money. She doesn't stress about it because having or not having money bares no effect on the outcome of her buying another pair of shoes. Her failure to deal with situations irritates the life out of me. Sitting on a high interest credit card while burying her head in the sand. I’ll move her debt to a zero percent card and try my best to help. Yet, Id tell someone attempting to support a gambling addict never to offer financial support because you are only enabling. So there it is. We've both wasted thousands on bad spending but a gambler is judged as a lying, deceptive selfish addict where as someone who likes to buy too many expensive clothes not even in the same boat

Hi I’ve just read your first post, o*g there’s no one I’ve came across yet that literally is the same, same doings, same debt, same feelings and same problems, how did or do u cope with the hating yaself, does it get easier if u don’t mind me asking, hope ur ok 

Tough day at work today. Im shattered and need a break. Ive got a week left until I embark on a long break from work. Ive been looking forward to this break for a long time and when it arrives  Ill make sure I enjoy it as someone who isn’t gambling. Im simply not going to do anything stupid to jeopardise this Christmas break with my wife and kids - no matter what it takes.

Good sleep tonight and straight out for a long run first thing tomorrow regardless of how cold, how wet, how lethargic or how lazy. Good run sets the mood.

RR

Great run this morning through the mud, the puddles and the rain. I feel great for putting in the effort.

Christmas shopping this afternoon and home in time for football and nice dinner. Simple pleasures.

81 days since last bet and Im feeling good.

RR

Hi... I read your post about going for a run and it motivated me to go for a run. 

Likewise i felt great for putting in the effort.

Simple pleasures 🙂

Last day of work tomorrow and early finish. Christmas party/dinner and then drinks. Me drinking in big city on night out used to = casino. Cant tomorrow- ruined that. Get through tomorrow safely, have a good time but not too good. Get home move on. Simples.