Zero back to Hero - Hopefully.

Hi HeroToZero

First of all, it's a brave bold step signing up to the forum. So well done for acknowledging that you have a problem.

I can relate to a lot of what you have mentioned above. The first thing that I would recommend you doing is coming clean about your gambling. You do not want to live a lie for much longer because sooner or later the lies will catch up with you. The one thing that I never did when I was with my girlfriend was, after coming clean, stick to a plan of looking for help for my addiction. Not doing this cost me my relationship and months of gambling. Yesterday I finally threw in the towel and told myself that I had to seek help.

I will end by saying this. Day 1 doesn't start tomorrow, Day 1 starts for you right now. Do not put it off, your recovery starts right now.

Great to chat with you tonight, good step to come on here. We have to be honest with ourselves and those around us to beat this. Believe me it really is a weight off your mind when you own up to those close to you and seek help on here. Crucially you need to find as many ways as possible to stop you from gambling. Self excluding from all sites and betting shops as well as letting your partner or someone close manage your finances are great blocks to prevent any future slips. If the lies continue then things will only keep getting worse. Read some diaries, many on here are doing so well and showing how we can live with and prosper in recovery. Make sure it is day one tomorrow, no more bets pal!

Thanks.... I want to get a few days, weeks or months under my belt before I come clean. I want to feel better and be in a better place before I do this. I want to tell people but first step is getting through these first few days or weeks and not gamble before i move onto a longer plan.

Hero,

Nice to see you in chat. Welcome. It nust be hard when you have a bet pending and thinking about giving Gambling up as a bad job. I asked myself what I would do about the bet, I would let it run. But there in lies the problem, I would probably re-invest it, and the cycle starts again. You need to break the cycle. That is if you want to break the cycle. Some people want out, because they are not winning, and that is fine too, it just means that your not ready to give up.

Your relationship. You need to sit down with your Girlfirend and have that very honest conversation. I hate to tell you this, but you are drawing her into a life that she has no idea that she is not going to have. In her mind, bless her, she thinks this house, and this family are going to be provided for, with your savings and hers. It is her fairytale. Do not make the mistake of asking her to live a lie, that she doesn't know she is living. You need to be honest, and tell her the bare bones of it all. Now, that is a risk you take, she may walk away. Quite frankly, I wouldn't blame her, and this is why I am sorting myself out now. I have nothing to offer anyone at the moment, that would take a fancy to a relationship with me. I have a fear of money, I am only Day 3 GF. You need to tell that girl the full picture and let her decide if that is the life she wants. If she accepts that, cool, you can move forward together. But don't not tell her, it doesn't form the basis for a strong fture relationship for either of you.

Good luck on the journey.

Julie x

Hi Hero, really good to have you in the chatroom tonight mate!! Your story rings true to a lot of us but the very first thing you need to do from now is STOP!! No more betting mate. Self exclude, support etc is needed. Then you really do need to tell your GF or family as the pressure from her thinking you have savings is clearly getting to you and it will be a big weight off your shoulders to come clean, even as hard as it will be.

Keep posting on here mate and coming in the chat for support.

Paul

Thanks Julie & Paul... I fully understand what you are saying Julie however it is hard and dont feel I am in the right place to go through with telling her just now. I do feel the pressure of having savings is a big reason why I gamble however as yous rightly say the cycle has to stop and then move forward.

No, and that can only be your decision. However, I can gently tell you something now. There is no big fairytale win coming my friend. If I truely believed there was, I would be in that queue to get on as quick as a flash. Your Girlriend needs to know, that your both working towards the one goal, or not as the case maybe. Girls (I am one, so should know, and date them, so that is a double whammy of knowledge lol) tell people things, they tell their Mam and Dads, their bessie mates, their work colleague, that me and the fella aka you, are saving for a wee house, and hope to start a family. In her mind she is planning and plotting and dreaming. You need to tell her soon. Because any further down the road, and it is a betrayal that you will not recover from. You need to help yourself Hero, get onto that counselling and close that gambling loop.

I can't put it any better Hero than what Julie just said to you in the last post! Your GF needs to be told and you can save the relationship hopefully by coming clean now. Further down the road maybe to late as mor damage will be done.

Can i start with getting day 1 without gambling out the way first....

You can actually do what you choose to do Hero...It really is none of mine or anyone else's business. I just wanted to give you some opinion of what I thought. This is your life and your journey, you make the decisions what is best for you and your life. Take care and hope Day 1 goes good. Julie x

I appreciate your advice/opinions.... I will tackle day 1 tommorow and see how i feel tommorow night.

Sorry mate if it came across as giving instructions. As Julie said it is totally upto you mate how you tackle your recovery from gambling. We just try and give advice based on our own experience and by what you write down. But you know your circumstances much better than us and I'm sure your do what's best mate.

Paul

+1 for the above advice. I found that in telling my wife, I felt less pressure as it was in teh open, just between us and nobody else though. I slept better at night not worrying about gambling. Knowing that she knows is also a HUGE motivating factor to NOT gamble. I dont' want to let her down again. This is your journey and you need to do what you feel is right, the advice you get on here is borne through tough life experiences that you'd probably do well to avoid by listening to those who have trod that path, but whatever you do, do it with conviction and do it knowing that you are gamble free (GF) You CAN do it!

Day 1 - Its not even midday and I have gambled... Wow this is hard!